"You're boring if you don't have sex with me"

I met this guy, we went on one date and made out in his car, that went alright, but he rang me two nights later and asked if I wanted to meet him somewhere, I thought he just wanted to hang out, have a kiss and cuddle. He got into my car and we made out but I stopped him when he started taking my top off because I didn't want to go further that soon. So he said "I guess we're not going down there tonight then?" I told him no and he said I was boring and that I didn't have a choice (he didn't act on that threat though, fortunately for me). He tried to pressure me into having sex with him but I didn't let him go further and I knew I did the right thing, I had the right to go only as far as I was comfortable with. I don't have a problem with sex before marriage or anything like that, but I think I'd like to be comfortable with someone and know I'm loved and cared for by him before I go there. Needless to say, I won't be contacting this guy again.

I'm just curious to hear everyone's opinion on that sort of thing, especially guys' opinions. Would you consider his behaviour acceptable and would you expect sex from a girl that soon or consider it weird if she didn't want to do it?


Most Helpful Guy

  • This guys sounds like a dog. His behaviour is absolutely not acceptable, and I can't understand how attacking a woman's self-esteem ("you're boring) would make a woman feel like giving it up.

    And let me tell you something, sweetynxtdoor818, not all men are dogs. You're probably too young to realize that now, but that's also because most of the guys you know are also probably your age and haven't made the right choices in their lives for long enough to realize when they act like total dicks.


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What Guys Said 4

  • Eh, I used to act like that because I wasn't used to getting a 'no' in that situation. I can say this much, you earned his respect but more power to you that you aren't calling him. Maybe he learned something. Or, he might be too naive to understand that behavior doesn't turn women on? I'm not a guru, but it's not difficult to understand no one likes being pressured into something they're unsure of.

    Yes and no. What kind of signals were you sending him? Were you laying it on heavy with him with flirting or were you stand-offish?

    All in all, he sounds like a douche :) Don't let your impression of him carry on to every other guy you meet.

  • wow I don't know how some guys can be like that.

    I have a hard time just asking people out but there's guys out there that can be so forward about things like this. I would never have the guts to say something like "we're not going down there tonight huh?" or "you have no choice" This guy is just an idiot and not all guys are like that so don't cry over it. You'll run into guys like this once in awhile.

  • It's losers like him that give the rest of us guys a bad name. You did the right thing to refuse his advances - and especially that phrase he used about "not having a choice" seriously crossed the line.

    • Whew. Glad to know not every guy is like that then, because that was pretty much my first near-sexual encounter and it's left me being very mistrusting of the opposite sex and their intentions. I got quite frightened when he said I didn't have a choice but managed to tell him calmly that I did.

    • You stayed within your personal boundaries, and that's of primary importance. Sexual activity of any kind should be between two people who care for and respect one another (and have been together longer than one date ideally), and he showed zero respect for you. However, you showed respect for yourself through your actions, and again, you did the right thing.

    • Thanks, needed that assurance because he pretty much made me feel as though I was weird for not wanting to have sex with him.

  • THAT'S ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE. There is no way that was even close to being acceptable. First off, you did the right thing by not letting him. He was only interested in sex. He didn't care about you at all. That's why I always tell girls not to give into sex early on. How do you know if the guy likes you or just wants you for sex.


What Girls Said 2

  • i agree with you.

    sex before marriage is not a problem but the guy has to at least be someone you picture yourself with.

    what an idiot ! he obviously has no experience. sex is not a one night thing. it is a commitment.

    good for you !

    i am appalled by girls that have sex one night and cry the next feeling sorry for themselves.

    • Thanks. I still cried because I felt like he thought I wasn't worth any more of his time than the few minutes required to satisfy his sexual urges, but I suppose at the very least I can still say I have my dignity and I'm not cheap.

    • I have been in similar situations because I was too naive to know what is actually on a guys mind.

      & 2 days ago my neighbors german shepard was humping my leg...

      and I just realized... MEN ARE DOGS. they will do anything and everythign that has two legs.

      dnt wrry... they eventually learn to control themselves...

    • Men are dogs? Com'n now. Prejudice isn't necessary. I've learned a lot of girls' behavior by watching how you interact with the classic bad boy who treats you like sh*t but keeps coming back? DId not mean to be harsh, but I couldn't think of any other way of sugar coating it. If you rejected all assholes and accepted all nice guys, we would find reason to be a lot nicer to you - you confuse us just as much as we confuse you.

  • wow. honestly no I don't think that was okay behavior. that was disrespectful. he had no right just to expect that and then try to force you to do that.

    but I'm very glad you stuck to your answer and didn't give in to him.

    way to go!