How soon is too soon to get married?

I am 18 and my boyfriend is 20. Tonight he told me that he wants to have kids in 2 years(which isn't going to happen because I don't think that we would be ready). He wants to get married like in the summer though, I mean I feel like that would be too soon though. July will be our one year anniversary, so we have been together for enough time where we are completely open with each other and comfortable. I do plan on marrying him eventually, but I don't know if I should so soon. I don't really feel like he's trying to rush things though.


Most Helpful Guy

  • If you're not ready for marriage, you're not ready, and if you;re not ready, it's too soon. Period. This is not something you rush into. This is not something you wanna force. This is not a decision you should take lightly. Same goes doubly for kids, so if he can't handle that, trust me, you're better off without him. You should sit him down and talk about this with him, and spell it out for him. Make it very clear.

    Yeah, this stuff is serious. So I wish you the best of luck with your situation.

    • Thanks. You're right. Marriage and kids are things that will affect me the rest of my life.

    • Definitely. Especially kids. Some people talk about kids like they're just "things" to get one day. Some people (when it happens it's usually a girl) talk about having a baby like it's buying a pet or something. Seriously, there are too many people who take having a kid too lightly. Like they're not accounting all the time, energy, and money that it would take to have and raise one.

      I want one too, someday, but I am smart enough to know that I'm not ready now. Especially on the financial side.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I think you have a level head on your shoulders. You realize that even though you have a good guy, both of you are not ready for such a major commitment.

    Your boyfriend is excited about making a future with you, and that's not a bad thing, but you do need to talk this through with him. You have lots and lots of years to grow, mature, experience life, and still have children with him if that's what you decide.

    Did all of this happen kind of suddenly? Maybe there's something that's making him feel kind of insecure. Talk it out, and try not to be confrontational.

    • Well he went about 300 miles away from me in February(for work) and will be gone until June, so I'm not sure if that's why he is feeling this way... And to me it seemed very sudden. Thanks for answering!

What Girls Said 4

  • You are both very young. People do a lot of growing, maturing, and self-discovery in their late teens and early twenties especially. In a few years, you may be a very different person than you are today and want different things for your life. Sometimes couples grow together during this time, but often they grow in different directions.

    Further, you've only been together for a very short time. Think about it. You'll be basing spending your life together (30, 40. 50+ years) on the less than one year you've been together. I've had two long term relationships myself, the first lasting 5 years, and my current relationship is going on 6 years. In my experience, I was still learning new things about my partners after being with them for years. I also believe that it's a good idea to live with someone before agreeing to marry them, since you find out A LOT about a person when you live together (as well whether or not you'll be ABLE to live together happily).

    If you're really meant to be together, you'll be together. I don't see any reason in rushing to "seal the deal". If you're going to be together for the rest of your lives, then what difference will it make if you get married this summer, or if you wait a few years?

    • Thanks. I didn't see things from that perspective before, but now I know there is no reason to rush because if it's meant to be then it'll eventually happen in due time

  • I think you need to be at least 21. At least. But before that you're just too young. I've heard that people change a lot in their 20s so just take it slow.

    There are certain questions you need to ask yourself also. Can I see myself spending the rest of my life with this person? What qualities in this person get on my nerves? Can I see myself dealing with them for the rest of my life? Do this person and I have parallel goals? Do we have the same values? You really need to look long and hard at it. Being in love in not good enough...marriage means being with that person for the rest of your life...because no one goes into a marriage foreseeing divorce now do they?

  • Too soon to get married.Get to know each other more further.

    I got married at 28 ,and I regret it.Now I want a divorce.

    I want a divorce,and he does not,and I am pregnant.

    If only I knew not to get married.Lesson learned.

  • this is too soon.