Divorcing but husband wants to go on vacation??

My husband filed for divorce a month ago but now wants to see if a vacation might rekindle the marriage. We have many unresolved issues that I don't think a vacation is going to fix. I think he is looking for a booty call.

I told him that I would consider a marriage retreat intensive program but don't think a vacation will be healthy because he will keep hurting me about all the past issues.

History includes:

Husband alcoholic been drinking on and off for as long as I have been with him 10 years

He had a PPO out on him with his ex wife and her husband before I met him

He had two DUI before I met him. He wasn't drinking when I started dating him...that changed very quickly

He had an assault charge against him one and half years ago...he slapped one of my sons friends on New Years Eve for laughing at him because he was playing darts so poorly (he was drunk)

My ex husband took the boys in to file the complaint. The boy was 16 years old so it was an assault of a minor.

I know this sounds really bad but I do love him and we have had had many good times together also. We have a daughter together and I have stayed with him in hopes that he will finally be sober forever. He has been in treatment now for over a year.

During this last year I had two male friends that I spoke to regarding the situation that I didn't tell him about...just to get a males point of view. They were very supportive of my marriage and I did not have an affair.

My husband thinks I had an affair and I did not. I have no way to prove to him that I didn't. I think he is just looking for something to have "on me"

Please give me any suggestions? Thanks


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • "You don't know what you've got, until it's gone". Guys are MUCH deeper than you think. It has nothing to do with sex. His criminal past has nothing to do with this. He wants to salvage what he has left for you and your daughter.

    • He has been verbally abusive to me and I don't know if I should keep trying. He keeps on and on about my past and seems incapable of forgiveness and has difficulty in genuinely apologizing for anything...I am really fearful to continue down the same road.

      The marriage cannot ever go back to the way its been. He is very controlling of me and I became very controlling of him because of his lies and alcohol abuse.

      I see this now and don't want to ever go back to the way it was.

    • Show All
    • Another note...this is his second time filing for divorce...talk about hurtful. Now he might change his mind again...he says he is not happy...I cannot make him happy. That is his job...

      I am an attractive women...he enjoys our sex life together...I am a good mother...I just wish he was happy...very sad...

    • I hate to justify what he's doing, but clearly he is impulsive and makes threats/carries out actions before thinking them through entirely. You need to tell him that if things don't change, you wish for a divorce (even if you don't). Because men can't handle that sometimes when a woman challenges our ways. Maybe if he knows he has an ultimatum he will change for the better.

What Girls Said 1

  • I think your husband does want to give it one last chance, even though he's already filed for divorce. He might not know exactly what you guys need to even try to fix it, but a vacation might sound like the best way to get off on a lighthearted foot and maybe start patching things up. He's not perfect, but it sounds like you still love him or have the capacity to. You even agreed to go on a marriage counseling retreat, that sounds like you have some hope. The man has hurt you and he sounds like he can be accusatory and whatnot, but I don't doubt he still loves you. He probably isn't looking for sex. Men can find that anywhere, he probably wouldn't even try any suggestions if he weren't wanting to at least end the marriage on a good note, but I have a feeling he wants to be sure. He's sober now and the other part doesn't matter. You guys have a daughter together. If he can 'forgive' you for the 'affair' (in his mind, he's got to deal with that, there's nothing you can do), I don't see why after the counselling, that you guys couldn't start healing and get back to a healthy, loving relationship.

    • He's been drinking again. We paid the downpayment of $2000 for the therapy that is not refundable and now he's change his mind again Nd is going to cancel the treatment on Monday. He says he can't trust me. Clearly his mistress is his beer

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