Fellas... give it to me straight!

So I have a question for the fellas.

Do pretty much all men get married out of obligation or because they are fathers ? Do ANY men actually want to get married?

Excited about any honest answers I can get ..haha :-D

Thank you for the answers. :)

The reason I ask is that , the guy I'm dating & I got into a discussion after hearing in a movie that the woman wanted "a man that wakes up one day and on his own decides he can't live knowing that I'm not his for life!"

So I said she is living in a dream world & he said no there are men who wake up and realize they need to settle down.

So ... Who's with me on this ?! Hehe :D
Ok , great! Nice to see a honest group of answers. THANK YOU all for them! I guess the answer that seems most likely is .. if the girl is the right girl for a guy as well as she has her things together and not in massive debt! Sounds reasonable to me. :-). So I guess there are some men who want the same thing as some women. Like my grandma use to always say "there is a lid for every pot, they just have to find each other "

Thanks again for the honest answers! :D


Most Helpful Guy

  • With the right girl we want to get married.

    Otherwise we don't.

    It's that simple.

    • How do you know she is the right girl, and how long would it take to figure it out? Months, years?

    • First it's if there's attraction.

      Then how well we get along.

      And finally - what is her financial situation like - is she in huge debts or something like that.

      It shouldn't take years to figure it all out, but months or more than a year, most definitely.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 12

  • I have known many guys who WANTED to get married and have a family, and I've known many guys who didn't. Surprisingly few men will marry just because they got a girl pregnant, and most who do are very young guys who don't know any better, and those marriages rarely last.

    Marriage has BIG potential downsides for a man, and that's been the case for the last 20-30 years or so due to courts siding with women by default, instead of due to the specific circumstances of the case. That has caused a lot of men who weren't all that into the idea of marriage in the first place to reexamine marriage as they would a business deal, and easily come to the conclusion that it was a poor risk.

    Men who really WANT marriage, and believe they have found the right girl, will accept that risk, even knowing the courts will be against them if things go bad. But you can't blame the men who don't want that.

    Let me give you an example of what *some* guys face:

    A guy came to me for some advice: his girl wanted to be married, and he kind of did too, but he had some reservations. His girl had a young son from a previous Boyfriend who had taken off and never provided any support for his child.

    I asked the guy about his life and career and financial situation. Turns out he had gotten through college on scholarships and a small student loan that he had already paid off, and was working as a Cisco-certified networking guy making pretty decent money. He owned a small house, which he was a bit upside-down on due to the housing market, but not terribly. He'd been contributing to his 401K (retirement investments) for a number of years, and drove a 6-year-old, paid-off car. He had a few thousand in savings.

    Then I asked him about his girl's situation, and he mostly didn't know. I told him to go find out, and he was kind of shocked about what he eventually learned.

    He knew she had gone to college, but didn't know she had $80,000 in student loans for her degree in English Lit. He didn't know that her car was leased, and way over the lease mileage limits, and that she didn't have the money to keep it. She also had $20,000 in credit card debt that she had been paying minimum payments on when she could. She had defaulted on cell phone accounts at all 4 big cell providers, and now had pre-paid. She worked part-time for minimum wage, having quit her "good" job when she had her kid.

    I had to explain to him that if he got married, he would be responsible for all of that. PLUS, if he started supporting her child financially, and then they split up, the courts would go after HIM to continue child support, even though this wasn't his child! In California, they do whatever the court feels is best for the KID, regardless of the true responsibility of the parents.

    He decided against getting married.

    And while this is kind of an extreme case, and while it's definitely the other way sometimes, you can see that marriage can be VERY dangerous for many men.

  • I did want to get married and did, she could not have children so it is not out of obligation except to one another. That and I rarely ever had sex without a condom until I got married. Even married, I still wear one on occasion but that is more due to the relationship I enjoy.

  • I will never get married. ever.

    it's all about the money, baby. what I make is mine. period. end of story. everything stops here. there is no discussion.

    i can buy you stuff, pay for all that girlie sh*t. you can even save every dollar you make and live at my expense, I don't care. but under no circumstances will I give you legal access to my money.

    and if the break up happens, you get exactly what you deserve - ZERO.

    i think registering as partners may be a better solution, you get certain legal rights from that, and that's enough.

    • yeah and this "for life." gimme a break. you marry and you get divorced the next day if you want. marriage means absolutely NOTHING in terms of commitment and how long relationship will last. again, it's all about the money.

  • I think of all us guys wanted to get married at one point, then had the "you're a nice guy" experience and 80% of us decided to become alpha players, haha. I think a good girlfriend is great, but I currently have no desire to get married. Maybe in ten years? And she'd have to sign a prenup, haha.

  • I definitely want to marry, but it wouldn't be a decision id make if I wasn't certain. It would take time for me because I don't intend to remarry

  • The guys I knew who were excited to get married all were married by 25. Te ones that weren't wanted a family 'some day'.

  • I don't, simply because I don't believe that you HAVE to be married to be with someone forever...

  • Sure...I wanted to marry..and even as a boy I thought that I would marry...but not until I was older...however...ahem...I did not plan on waiting until I was 38!..(:(:(:

    • @Update..I am not sure that I disagree with you..but I certainly agree with your bf...I was hanging one night and listening to this song---> link it popped into my head that I was ready to settle..took me another 12 years to find her though..I am kind of picky and have plenty of faults of my own..o.O

  • I don't believe in marriage.

  • Of course there are guys that want to marry.

    • Sorry won't agree with you

  • Silly question as you are 30 to 35 and surely know a man that is happily married. I want to get married and will not do it because of obligation

  • No, I think some men do want that commitment.


What Girls Said 1

  • Why would anyone feel 'obligated' to get married.

    • They knocked a girl up

      They are being brow beaten by their woman

      Their mom guilts them

      Etc. Haha

    • i don't think a mentally/emotionally stable person, would feel guilted by other people, into sharing _their_ life with someone. that's totally irrational.

      anyways in reality. yo do what you _want_.

      as for the girlfriend, no one forces u. & well if you don't want to why would she want you. that's insane. id Q anyone who wanted someone who doesn't want them.

      the baby thing, well its a bit more understandable. A BIT. because even there. you can still take responsibility , without throwing everyones life away.