8 years in the making and I don't think I should go there yet...I need your opinion.

Hey all,

I've had an 8 year long thing going with this guy. We've always flirted and have only ever been single at the same time once. We dated at that point, but both decided to not pursue it at the time because we wanted to give each other a proper shot later on.

Unfortunately for him, I got engaged to the next guy I went out with. My fiance however, called off the wedding 3 weeks ago and my guy friend has popped back into my life.

He's been around constantly. He is best friends with my brother (my bro and I rent an apartment) and a few nights ago was the first time he saw me after the break up. I had just gotten out of the shower and was wandering around in a towel when he came up and hugged me from behind and called out to my brother to come out of his room. He then joked that he was hugging his naked sister. Nice.

He invited me out clubbing with him and my brother on Thursday and suggested that I stay the night at his place. I didn't take him up on it, because I thought that he was still with his girlfriend.

Tonight however he was hanging out with my brother when I came home. I announced my presence and he came out immediately to say hi and said "Hi, how's it going? Enjoying being single? I'm enjoying being single." I was like "Oh, what happened to the perfect number 10?"

He said that they had broken up awhile ago and my brother nodded to confirm it. After that exchange he gave me a hug that lasted ages...he rocked me back and forth and I joked that I felt sea sick...so he kept it up until I threatened to bite him. We used to always play around like this and haven't since I became engaged.

He invited me out again tonight...so, I'm assuming that he is trying to let me know that it is back on. Le sigh. He's great...but after 8 years in the making...I just don't want to go there yet. He's my brother's best friend...if we go out, we are in for the long hall and after just getting out of a bad engagement...I'm not so sure that I want to go there.

I should probably mention that 2 months ago he called me up while I was at my fiances house and asked me if I was really sure that I wanted to get married. He asked me to move in with him, even if it was only for a week to get some space from my fiance and think things through. My fiance and I were great at the time...so I think it may have been his last attempt before I was married.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think he really likes you. And you must like him a little bit back too.


    Be honest with him! You've just got out of an engagement, sit him down and say to him, look, I just want my space, to be with the girls, eat too much ice cream, blah blah blah and just heal. Me saying no to your offers of going out isn't me being a bitch, I just want some space; you understand right?

    And he should. He will!

    As for your brother... if it bothered him the way he acted around you he would have spoken to one of you but he hasn't. He hasn't complained once. He probably knows his friend really likes you.

    Nobody is saying that you have to get over your past relationship right this second, but don't let yourself grieve for 8 years. Give yourself a month or two and then go out for a casual drink with this guy. Baby steps.

    Best of luck, and I'm sorry about your engagement :/ Hope your ok

    • Thank you for BA! I hope I can help you more in the future.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • This is the kind of thing you could regret if you pursue, but also the kind of thing you WILL regret for the rest of your life if you don't.

    • Yeah, that is the exact problem! He is great and he both know that we wanted to wait to pursue it because he actually wanted to thought we had a good chance at going the whole way.

      It is just, that after getting out of a bad enagement, I don't want to race into a serious relationship straight away.

      Would you give a girl space until she was ready if you were seriously into her?

    • Yes, but not another 8 years.

  • It looks to me that this 8 yo friend is very much into you, and that your brother accepts him as a potential brother in law.

    It looks like he acted pretty awkwardly with you, but he finally started to make his moves. If you don't answer anything to them, the situation will rot pretty soon.

    It's all up to you now. With all the time that passed already, you should know better if you like him that way or not.

    • Hey, thanks for the comment! I do like him that way. I think that I may just have to take the dive and see what happens...screw it. You don't really come this far, or this long into something and pass it up when a legitamte opportunity comes along.

What Girls Said 1

  • just sit and go into a deep sense of thinking because this is a very critical issue and you need to weigh your options in every way..

    but I would just say since you have been with this guy for 8 years , and you met a guy who I don;t think you know too well about (cuz you didn't mention)...'THE DEVIL YOU KNOW IS BETTER THAN THE ANGEL YOU HAVEN'T MET"...take your time, don't jump into relationship yet, just stick around and don't make the guy of 8 years run away from you,

    you know what you want and you saw him before saying yes to hm,if he's bad and you don't love him I don't think you would post this for answers..


    • I think that you misunderstood. I was engaged to somebody else, I'm not and never was enaged to the guy I've had an on again off again thing with for 8 years.

      We feel out of contact, or rather avoid each other as soon as I became engaged...and since my fiance ended the engagement, this guy of 8 years who I've never truly dated is back in my life...letting me know that he is around.

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