I decided to go no contact. What happens now?

My girlfriend and I broke up in Jan 14 09. back but she told me she still had feelings for me. We stayed as friends because we both wanted to get back together. I asked her our on a date to do so but she already had plans. During the first 4 weeks or our break up we chilled and hung out but never got back together. On valentines day I asked her out on a date but she had plans. The next 2 weeks I tried to tell her how I felt about her. Starting march 1 I stopped talking to her for about 3 weeks and when I came back I told her if she had problems she could call me. She started calling me every night sometimes she would call in between classes just to see how my day was going or what I was up to. She was willing to hang out a few times. On one occasion she invited me to her house cause she was hungry and wanted to go home instead of staying in school. We got into a talk I ended up asking her if she is over me. She said, "Yes I think so." I was very upset and told her that I wasn't. I recently sent her a letter I wrote saying, (very very very abridged...) I still love you as much as ever. I cannot be just a friend because I still care about you. You need to figure out what you want because if you were truly over me you wouldn't be calling me every night and hoping that we can be as close as before. Perhaps one day we can be friends but not now. (She has a boyfriend... when she initially got into the relationship she told me she still had feelings for me. We had dated for 3 years and broke up over a conversation of marriage. In this relationship (she's been in for a 3 and 1/2 weeks she told me they already say "I love you to each other") She called me this past weekend and left 2 30 sec messages saying hey how are you hope your ok. call me back when you can. This Monday I sent her the letter that says goodbye for now. She called me that same night she got the letter and left me a voice message saying: "Hi. (pause) I'm just calling to say hi and... I'm not really sure what to say. I read your message... um... I read it a while ago actually... and I didn't know what to say. I still don't know what to say um... If you ever want to talk you know... give me a call but... I understand if your not... don't want to talk to me anymore. So... I'll miss you... I mean I'll miss talking to you. but you know when your ready just give me a call... remember. well I hope everything goes well with you and you know if you see me in school you can still say hi, you don't have to like ignore me... unless you want to I don't know... but um... Well I hope everything is going well with your family... just If anything happens let me know um... you could always leave me a voice mail too if you don't 'want to talk... or just I'm me or leave me a message... um... I really liked your poem... thank you it was very sweet. Alright well I should go now its gonna be a long voice mail... well good night. and take care. Bye." The full details are in my other question. Any comments?

It was a mutual non-mutual break up. Neither of us wanted to break up. Both of us cried when we did. But both of us agreed... She told me she had regrets about breaking up as did I but it never happened.
I guess what I want to know is if she cares I'm doing no contact. I know its for my own benefit but I wonder if its true that I ,"didn't give her time to miss me" since we never stopped talking after breaking up. Thanks for the help ahead of time...


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What Girls Said 1

  • I agree with Pelican. It sounds like if you're not going to get married, then she needs to move on and find sombody else who will. She might come back, but you have to resolve this argument or it won't work. Marriage is a big deal, and some people date specifically for marriage. It sounds like your girl is dating to find somebdy she can marry.


What Guys Said 1

  • No contact is for *you*. No contact is the best way to heal from a breakup. It's impossible to heal if you're in contact, if you try to be friends or FWB. No contact can hurt like mad at first, but it's by far the best way to heal.

    No contact *is not* to get you ex to come running back to you. Her opinion of your no contact is irrelevant -- remember: no contact is for *your* benefit.

    I don't mean to be cruel, because a breakup can cause a lot of pain and confusion. But I do mean to be blunt -- this girl is playing both sides. She's got a new boyfriend, and she's talking to her ex. How do you think her new man feels about this situation?

    Keep with no contact, unless she specifically suggests you two get back together. Even then, proceed carefully.

    Good luck.

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