I am having issues with my in laws to be

I really am finding it tough that I may not want to be related to my fiance's family.

I find it tough because just seems there are things that are basic that should be respected.

my in law, well my fiances family there is a daughter going/ dating this guy who is related to a girl who tried to get me fired at work

and it was a few months ago.

for the oddest reason my fiance made him a groomsmen, thinking that guy will marry his sister-they've only dated 8 months thus far

the family dynamics are somewhat odd. I'm really patient with his family and him but I finally addressed the groomsmen issue.

and now I just don't feel his family 'gets it' and seem to be defending that guy a ton.

there's no way in my mind that that guy doesn't know what his sister did and how it affected me.

it almost feels that as though , even though I'm happy with my fiance and I know he's a good guy, his decision making is very poor.

as if it was a joke.

now my fiance's dad jokes that we should only have one bridesmaid and one groomsmen.

i'm beginning to think that I don't really matter , despite it's my wedding.

i am pretty close to ending it because of this poor decision.

my dad has also said it's better to cut losses and he thinks I can do better. and my dad letme choose who I should be going out with.

it hurts a lot that this is happening. I don't feel that his family understands at all the really bad choice that was made and I don't feel they understand what I went through to be honest---

my fiance realizes it but I fear he's too much caring what his family thinks

and I wonder if he knows I exist at all.

i know he's a loving guy but right now I can't stand the family and their almost arrogant stance.

thoughts? this is a complicated situation. I don't know if I should just

please note I can love someone but if it's trampling my self respect, I can't go with it.


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  • The guy can't help who is related to. I think you are making a bit much out of this to be honest. That's simply punishing all involved for something they can't help. Did this guy have any part in your almost getting fired? If not stop being so upset. It's like punishing the families of people that murder people- they can't help who they are related to. If this is the only issue it seems minor. I almost married a guy and his brother stole from me, his best friend was a convicted pedophile, his mother was an almost catatonic alcoholic, his step dad hit on me all the time, his other best friend creeped me out and once tried to molest me when we were younger, and his other brother was estranged due to nobody wanting to talk about him being a transvestite. It made me worried, but I set a lot of boundaries. If you love the person enough you can work through it as I almost did. If not it's best to get out now.

    • You think mine had nothing to do with self respect? At the same time he had to love me as much as I did him to work through this together and respect my boundaries. Which is why I said if you can't deal it's best to get out now. Love doesn't mean you need to be together.

  • So you're angry because the groomsmen is related to someone you don't like...

    Honestly, that sounds unreasonable. He isn't responsible for his relations behavior . I think you should respect your fiance, and let him choose his groomsmen.

    • oh and I do. but there are behavior problems. such as this groomsman is rude to me when I am in his presence, constantly. and it isn't something I didn't try to work out, I waited a few months. so, mask of insanity, it's a lot complicated more so than you think. and in etiquette, the fiance must approve his choice with his fiancee despite what most people say-it's an important duty

    • I only know what you've disclosed.

      I still think you're being unreasonable. This man obviously means a lot to your fiance. You may not get along, but if your fiance didn't like your sister or best friend, he'd probably let it go for the sake of your happiness. It isn't a massive sacrifice to have him as the groomsmen. Be the bigger person and don't make such a big deal of it.

      His family isn't being insensitive or behaving poorly. You're overreacting.