What is his deal?

My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me out of the blue 4 weeks ago. 3 days before the break up he was discussing marriage and looking at houses with me. He said he loves me more than anything but he is not ready for marriage. He does not think we are compatible right now but you never know what the future holds. When I asked him why he was talking about marriage he said he thought it was time but something did not feel right.

He is 29 years old and calls himself Peter Pan. We talked for the first time this week and he said he misses me but is happy with his decision and if we are meant for each other it will just happen.

Is he really not ready to get married or does he not want to marry me? Also, what are the chances of us getting back together? I'm just so confused by the whole thing.

Thanks for your help.


Most Helpful Guy

  • If a man loves you enough, he'll want to seal the deal. Trust me, we men hate unfinished business. He has feelings for you no doubt, but he can't see himself marrying you. He is lacking the ultimate commitment, has insecurity or some other issue. Whatever it is, you're likely to be one of those girls who would have just been dragged along for ten or more years without anything ever happening. The breakup no doubt hurt, but it was for the best in the long run.

    • But what makes a guy discuss marriage with a girl he does not intend to marry? Last time we talked he said we would have been married by next year. He has some big issues that he needs to deal with.

      My ex was placed in foster care at 6 and then adopted at 7. Now at 29, he and his adopted parents no longer speak. Is it stupid for me to think he has abandonment issues and wanted to leave me so I could never leave him?

    • He could have been trying to placate you, knowing you wanted more. I've known girls who will have their boyfriend talk about marriage but never take any action. It is a stalling tactic. Sadly, I think your intuition was correct. He has have abandonment issues and that's why he probably didn't ever want to give his heart away completely. It is very sad, but some people never learn to love because they fail to open their heart and take a chance.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • From what I can understand, I think he is just not ready to marry. This is not your fault AT ALL, he is just not ready.

    They is some truth to when he is ready he'll marry whoever is in his life at that time. I guess guys take little time to know if she is marriage material.

    My guess he is financially stable so he may have to deal with some emotional issues.

    Now the choice is entirely yours to wait for him, of which he may never change or change when its too late, or move on and finding someone else.

    Also he may still want to play the field but doesn't want to hirt you...

  • He is confused and he does not know what he wants.


What Girls Said 2

  • From what I've read, guys and girls decide "when" to marry differently. For guys it's more of a timing issue. They want to be secure and know that they are in the right place in their lives. For women it's more about finding the right person. So, it is entirely possible that he just doesn't feel ready for marriage now, but will be in the future when something clicks for him... unfortunately, that means that if he's with someone else at that time he'll be more likely to marry her.

    Having said that... I'm also a big believer in the when the right girl comes along a guy will do just about anything to keep her. We all have stories of guys we dated who wouldn't make a certain change for us, but two girlfriends later he's a changed man. It hurts, but it's the sad truth.

    I would highly recommend the book "It's called a Break up because it's Broken." Don't waste your time on somebody who doesn't want to be with you. Tally this one as a learning experience, keep the happy memories, and go find a guy who wants to be with you and marry you.

    • I just finished reading that book. While it is good, I don't agree with everything he says.Thanks for your comments.

  • You been together for 3 years and he won't marry you? yea, don't waste more years on that one-find someone who wants to make you happy

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