Wife says I am bad lover, but won't tell me what she likes, can't deal with...help?!

Been married 1.5 years, together for 8. Sex had always been great. I thot. I thought I took care of her as well. I always put her needs b4 mine, I compromise in ALL AREAS of life FOR HER. I even STOPPED WATCHING are RATED films with nudity to cater to her insecurity. Now she won't do anything but tell me that what I got to give isn't that great, why would she want to spend more time in bedroom with me?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Wife says I am bad lover, but won't tell me what she likes, can't deal with...help?!

    If she's not putting out then perhaps get a new wife. If she is putting out I'm not seeing what's there to deal with as most likely you're not genuinely interested in her pleasure just your ego being hurt about being called a bad lover.

    Now she won't do anything but tell me that what I got to give isn't that great, why would she want to spend more time in bedroom with me?

    Likely she wants to spend more time in the bedroom because it's the sole or main way she feels any emotional intimacy with you or out of a sense of obligation, which I would think most guys would like considering the 'sex is a duty' mantra and how it seems most don't care if she doesn't like something as long as she does it because he likes it.

    " Sex had always been great. I thot. I thought I took care of her as well. I"

    Many guys think similarly however studies show most gals fake their orgasms, guys overestimate their partner's pleasure, and in relationships particularly marriages gals aren't unhappy with their sex lives.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • Stop giving so much to her, get a bit tougher with her. she may have needs but you have too! Life is too short to let others ruin it for us, so start to do what you think is right. If you stayed together for 8years there must be a reason,but it's obviously not working for either of you anymore, so you both need to change your behavior towards each other;

    Besides I was reading some of your comments to previous answers and just can't believe your wife would stop you from seeing your kid just because 'she is not comfortable with it'! That's incredibly selfish! Stop thinking about what she wants and start to look at the bigger picture here and use a bit more judgement as to whether what she asks is reasonable or not.

    She seems quite manipulative to me.

  • If you want to watch p*rn than you should watch p*rn. I really don't understand woman who ramble on about how they don't want their man to watch p*rn (unless that replaces the actual sex), jerk off or anything...even one girl on here refused to have sex with her fb and said that if he was horny come to her and she would blow him..yikes

    Your reasoning should be that your sexual desires are not being met because she is being an "unreasonable lover" but not speaking up about her needs.

    This whole problem could be solved by her simplying telling you or showing you what she likes and doesn't like. But she just makes you feel like sh*t by saying your a sh*tting lover. You are not a sh*tty lover if you are trying to please her and make her happy. She is sh*tty because she won't tell you what's up. You can't read minds. <---- tell her that

    Start watching p*rn and when she bitches tell her that you are not happy with your sex life because of _____- and _____ so your watching p*rn.

  • sounds like you are compromising too much- she can tell you what she needs and wants-

    its her problem not yours!


What Guys Said 4

  • Hey,

    Okay, so she says your a bad lover.. Why? Do you not allow her to finish? If that's the case, make sure you allow her to finish more then once. My mother told me, that a woman should always finish 5 times before the male does even once.

    Secondly, do you guys like having drunk sex? A bottle of wine can help this. Not really beer, because beer bloats the stomach up. I would suggest having dinner and a few glasses of wine to get her really going. Make her feel sexy again, like she's 19 or 21. Does she like taking it from behind? If so, while penetrating, I would seggest a few slaps to the cheecks to really tighten her up while you are doing this. From the front, I would suggest embrassing her body, and trying to feel one with her.

    Another thing, you have a son. And if your new wife cannot accept that then sorry but she has to get over it. You should be giving him attention. No one deserves to grow up feel as if they were a mistake. And that's exactly how you have made your child feel. If your wife can't stand the fact that you have already spread your DNA tree, then that's her issue to deal with. Does your now wife want kids with you? If she doesn't, then I don't understand why you have married her.

    And my final advise to you is. If this marriage doesn't work out. I would suggest going back to the one that actually carried your child, and loves your child a lot more then you can imagine. If she isn't with someone else now, that is.

    I wish you all the best.

  • I hate to say it man...but unless both of you change quickly...I don't see you married one year from now...maybe even 6 mos from now. You guys have serious problems that needed to be addressed yesterday! Isn't it funny that a woman will spend 8 years with you...marry you...and 1.5 years into the marriage...comment that you're a bad lover!? WOW. Only a woman would try to blame a guy for something when 9.5 years before...everything was fine.

    You should have said...so you're saying you married a bad lover, or did I marry an immature child?

    SEEK marriage counseling ASAP!

    • your wrong.

    • @ Asker. After hearing about the son, and that your wife is insecure, and how she feels toward your son, its becoming more clear that you did not pick a good woman. She does not sound like she has much integrity, compassion, communication skills, and is not a giving person. I think you chance at staying married is 10/90...possibly 40/60 if you get counseling.

  • You've desexualized yourself to make her more comfortable. That hasn't actually made her more sexual.

    Work out, dress better, flirt with other women, watch p*rn, and tell her just because she doesn't like something doesn't mean you don't enjoy it.

    You have kids?

    • i have one child back home with an ex. my wife hates this by the way. I practically avoid the kid too, again so that she does not feel uncomfy.

    • You avoid your child cause of your wifes insecurities? Yikes that's awful. Dump your wife and step up to the plate and start actin like a Father.

    • Divorce this bitch, get involved with your child, and find a woman who actually likes to f***.

  • By giving up everything for her, you've shown that you're not a man, you're a doormat.

    Doormats aren't sexy. Women are attracted to men, not doormats.

    Find your spine, find your balls, and rock her world.