Would you let your spouse talk you into this?

I have a friend who's husband a few years ago talked her into letting him watch her be with other men, and also letting her watch him be with other women, to try to spice up their marriage. He seems to like it, but it's really kinda messed up my friend. The rules were that it could only be with people they both approved, and only in each others' viewing. Nothing behind each others' back. But the husband isn't intimate with her except occasionally just to do his thing and be done, no "lovemaking" about it, and my friend is struggling with seeking other men not necessarily prearranged just to fill the emotional emptiness she feels. It seems to me that you can't contain something like that arrangement without it eventually turning outside the marriage to other people anyway. Now she's struggling even to keep her marriage together.

Would any of you agree to this kind of thing? And what can my friend do about her husband? They have two babies also.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Some people can have this type of arrangement and have it work for them. I feel like these type of people are lacking something emotionally, or are unable to completely 'give themselves' to and truly love another individual. If my fiance wanted to sleep with other women, I would feel unloved, unsexy, and like I wasn't good enough. If he wanted to watch other men sleep with me, I would feel like that meant he didn't value me. We don't give away things that we love and value. I say she messed up, agreeing to this. It will probably be the demise of their relationship, which apparently wasn't that great to begin with if he was asking for this type of play.

    • I feel exactly the same as you

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • It was gonna be a good idea if she didn't feel as "messed up'' as you say. So...i think it's pretty f***ed up right there. I think the husband is over enjoying this and it could turn to cheating if he doesn't have sex with her that often as you wrote above. Me? I would never agree to that to spice my marriage, it's too weird. Why not some costumes and p*rn or whatever sex toys they can buy and enjoy why bring other people? Too babies means this marriage is still new, they shouldn't be tired of each other already...

    • Actually they've been married about 13 years. They waited to have children.

    • Oh, then scratch that part but still is really weird to me. You married to this person if you don't feel attracted to them why pretend and play this game when it's clear the husband likes the others' sex and doesn't wanna please his own wife as much...I mean sorry if I look rude, it's just no matter how times change this still seems weird to me. I wouldn't do it. There are panty of other solutions to spice up the marriage as I enlisted.

    • I agree

  • Yuck, no way in hell would I allow my husband to talk me in to that kind of betrayal.

    Your poor friend.

    Tell her to leave her husband sounds like he just wants the best of both worlds.

    Destroying your friend as he goes. It's not healthy for her.

    It's still cheating even if it is right in front of each others faces.

    How could anyone want to sit there and watch a person they love screw another person?

    No thank you.

    • I hear ya. Doesn't spice it up in my book.

  • I wouldn't and couldn't do it, there would be way too many crazy emotions involved. What can they do? Go to marriage counseling. Sounds like they need professional help.

    • They actually tried that before. He didn't want to change, at least a few years ago when she got them into counseling for a time.

What Guys Said 3

  • swingers, cuckold... have no place in society its wrong and disgusting. you better get him out of the mind set. very bad decision, where is the trust and the love then?

  • That's messed up. I've never understood why someone would want to share their partner.

    • I agree. There's no way I could ever do it.

  • There's a difference between having an open marriage, and being a cuckold.

    • I'm guessing you're meaning cuckold in the fetish/non-cheating way. Could you do it?

    • Nope.