What did this girl actually mean?

I'm a 26 year old guy (single since 4 years), and I have a close female friend (purely platonic). We're quite frank with each other, and also frequently consult each other for advice. Today, she said something which left pondering what she meant. Her exact words were 'You're perfect husband material, but pathetic boyfriend material'.

A bit of info about myself, which might help you people answer my question better. I never smoke or drink (not even occasionally), don't do drugs and I'm also a virgin (I've firmly decided to hold off sex until marriage). And since I'm a huge animal lover and hate to kill animals, I'm a strict vegetarian and also refrain from using animal products like leather and fur. The last thing is, I never use any kind of profane or foul language in my conversations or writings, not even accidentally. In fact, I can't even remember the last time I used the popular f-word.

Now, can you people please give me your opinions regarding the meaning of what she said? When I thought a bit about it, I felt that she meant I can't be a good boyfriend due to my lifestyle and goody-goody image (because most girls prefer rough and tough type of boyfriend), but I'd make a perfect husband because these are exactly the qualities a woman looks for in her husband. Then again, that is not practically possible because everyone first becomes a boyfriend before becoming a husband. I'm confused. Both men and women are welcome to throw in their opinions.

P.S. Please refrain from saying that I don't know how to enjoy life, or that I've adopted a loser's lifestyle. Those type of discussions are beyond the scope of this question. Please try to stick to the topic. Thank you.

I did ask her directly what she meant, but she told me that I should try to figure it out myself because it would be more fun.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, I think that there's nothing wrong with your lifestyle. Girls do like the bad boy type but still a smart girl likes the good boy. I think you just have to find the right one. Don't change the way you live for anyone especially someone of the opposite sex you may be interested in because it will be weird every time your around them pretending to be someone you're not. You could also ask your friend what she meant if you're that frank with each other.

    • I did ask her directly what she meant, but she told me that I should try to figure it out myself because it would be more fun. She said I should think about it for a week and tell her everything I could come up with, and THEN she would tell me what exactly she meant.

Most Helpful Guy

  • ok, you want answers but you stack the deck against us. she's thought of you as both. clearly. husbands are hum drum, boyfriends are exciting. the only things that you offer up about your personality is that you are super strict, and well, hum drum. what do you do for fun? volunteer at an animal shelter? not a bad thing per se, but hum drum. not using foul language can show a lack of emotion. you've boxed yourself in. how strict are you on being vegen, language/smoking/drinking? for an older woman, or a woman with an 'old soul', you might be perfect. if you are wanting to date/marry sooner rather than later, something' gotta give. I don't know your reasons for celibacy, but kudos.

    • What do I do for fun? The same stuff as most other people. I go out to malls, movies, restaurants etc. Sometimes I even go to bars/pubs, but unlike others who drink alcohol, I settle for soft drinks. And regarding not showing my emotion...quite the opposite. I do show a lot of emotions, but just word it differently to avoid profanities. For example, most people would say 'shut the **** up' whereas I would say 'shut the hell up'.

    • Show All
    • ok, when I was growing up hell was considered a cuss word/foul language. really, you 'settle' for soft drinks? technically beer is a soft drink when compared to hard liquor. I don't know when or where the term soul mate came into existence, but , if you believe the story of adam and eve, they were perfect mates because eve came from adam. I like the concept of soul mate, I just don't think it's accurate.

    • By 'settle' I didn't really mean that I'm compromising. That's what I prefer. And regarding soul mate, I do believe in that.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Well ask her in a week then :p just be open directly ask her if its because of your personality and lifestyle

    • Yeah, I'll definitely ask her next week, but I really do want to know the opinion of other people regarding this.

What Guys Said 1

  • It sounds like you need a girl who is heavily religious and pure. I couldn't find anything on religion from what you mentioned though so I'm not sure where you stand on that but most of what you mention makes it sound like you aim for some sort of purity on some level.

    Thing is, girls do prefer guys who are blunt and don't hold anything back where you refuse to even let out a little cuss word. So you may come off very sugar coated which may seem anything but genuine.

    • I'm not at all religious. In fact, I've always believed religion has done more harm than good for humanity by separating people rather than uniting them. And what girls 'prefer' is irrelevant to me, because I'm not ready to change my lifestyle. One more thing, I don't have any expectations that the woman too should be having a lifestyle similar to mine. That doesn't matter to me at all.