HELP!!! I'm engaged and never before unfaithful, now I've fallen for a married man older than me?

We met on work, but actually it's someone I knew as a child growing up so we met again at work. He is married and has a daughter but his wife neglects him, he told me that he married her because she got pregnant and it was sthe right thing to do, that she was unfaithful to him while she was pregnant and he's waiting for his daughter to be old enough to understand that they don't love each other before he leaves his wife. I honestly don't feel like he's just trying to use me for sex (cuz we haven't gone there), there's like sparks and fireworks between us, we just clicked. We could talk about anything we were like a serious case of you feel like you knew them your whole life--soulmates in another life. But to make it worse, I'm engaged and I don't know what to do. But he's working somewhere else now and I'm going back to school for my degree, it's been six weeks since the last time I saw him and I am dying; I can't sleep, when I do sleep I dream him and when I'm awake I think about him all the time, it's unbearable. We speak to each other and email and message each other, but the question I keep asking myself is what the hell am I doing I am so lost and so ashamed because the one thing I hate in life are cheaters. And I refuse to leave my boyfriend of 5+ years just because of this guy. I'm on the verge of telling him to meet me somewhere just so I could be close to him again, I'mgoing crazy.Ieven tried not speaking to him. and I had serious insomnia. Please please tell me any suggestions to get this under control?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Just because you haven't had sex yet doesn't mean he is not trying to use you for sex. The only way you'll know that is how he acts after you have sex (which I am not recommending). Obviously I don't know this guy, but a man describing how his wife neglects him, etc., etc., is the oldest story in the book. Naturally he's not going to say how great his marriage is...

    My advice is to end this potentially nasty situation right away. Whatever you decide about your boyfriend is up to you, but stay away from a married man. A long time ago I was in a relationship with a married woman and I have regretted it ever since. After it was over I made a vow that I would never, ever do that again and I haven't. As for how to do it, you just have to make a firm decision that it isn't going to happen, and accept it completely. Once you have truly accepted it your anxiety will go away, but you may have to avoid him for a while until everything is settled in your mind. If you keep seeing him there is no way you will be able to walk away, unless your willpower is extremely strong (and it doesn't sound as if that's the case). It may be difficult for a while, but you can do it if you set your mind to it. This is a battle between your rational mind and your non-rational mind, and you have to make sure the rational mind wins otherwise someone is going to get hurt--it may be you, his wife, his daughter, or all of you. Good luck...


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What Guys Said 1

  • Please break up with your fiance to spare him from having to be heartbroken by you.


What Girls Said 2

  • Girl.. Don't believe anything he says, have you red what you written? It's like he's grooming you to be his mistress so text book it's crazy lol and just like in most text book cases it all ends the same.. You hanging around wasting half your life waiting for something that 99 percent of the time never happens :( .. I also think you have already planned what is going to happen and no matter what ever anyone says to you won't change that.. I hope maybe this may deter you even a little my mother always says one bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush .. Weird expression but a wise one.. Good luck.

    • He's older than you he knows exactly what effect his story's are having on you..

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    • I know right now that you can't live without seeing the guy.. But as the mist clears and you see a little more clearly each day you will realize you have made the right decision..

    • And luckily you had just dodged a bullet.. :) I've been in the same position trust me.. When my fianc? smiles at me, cheers me up when I'm feeling angry, surprises me with a beautiful birthday when I specifically told him not to, only because he knows me that well.. I think thank god I didn't f*** it up lol

  • i think he will jsut use you and forget about you. don't do it get away and get some perspective

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