i got engaged last week. it was decided by family and an arranged marriage. I spoke to him for the first time after the engagement. at first he was good to me. from the 2nd phone call, he started to say things like 'i don't like these things. so stop doing them'. for example, I speak to my best friend in her native language. my fiance said he hates that and he has told me not to speak in that language again. I am creative and I write a lot. he has asked me to stop and said that it is a waste of time. he then looked into my fb account with his aunt and asked me to delete a school friend who is a boy. he said that the message my friend sent is inappropriate. it is actually a new year message which was sent 2 years back and he has tagged 40 others along with me. so it is not even a private message. he sounds very possessive and controlling. he wants to change me into the person he likes. I can adapt into his family but I cannot change my identity. I have told him a lot of times that there has never been another man in my life and that I was only interested in grades when I was in school or college. and then things took a change yesterday. during our 4th phone call, he turned to be very good to me and he didn't talk about my male friends or about things that I have to stop doing.
my marriage is six months away and I am terrified with the idea. will he become worse after marriage? breaking up is a very tough job because the problems that come later will be too hard for me and my parents to handle. my fiance has posted out engagement photos in fb and a lot of people know about us. they will think I am at the wrong side if there is a breakup. in the place where I live,breaking up a marriage is like you have just committed the worst crime possible and my life will come to a full stop.
i have no idea what to do. he also asked me about children. I said I never gave it a thought. even if I get married to him, I will need some time to trust him before I give myself to him completely. I lost my trust in him when he time and again asked about other boys in my life. will I get the time I need to change my opinion about him? or do you think he will change? or will I be doing a mistake if I go ahead with this marriage?
i need your suggestions please.
Most Helpful Guy
This is one hell of a question.
you are asking for advice on arranged marriage. At least to most on here, I would say its an unfamiliar subject.
However, being unsure of the future, and being worried about what others might think? That is something that we can help with.
When everything is said and done, will you be happy where you are? If you don't think so, that what could be done at that point?
from what I understand, if breaking off the engagement is bad, then breaking a marriage is unthinkable. So, I would think very long and hard if it is what YOU want. If its not, and you still go through with it, you won't have many options besides leaving all together (which is always an option)
With the possessive issue, I cannot say for sure what he will do. However, I would say, from what's given, it is very likely he will become more controlling once you are married. This isn't to say you have to let him be controlling, or let him do anything in fact.
Overall, I would just suggest self reflection on the issue, deciding what is most important to you, and choosing the paths that protect the things that are important to you.0