We've been together now for about 9 years. Within the past year or so, she's started to put on a good amount of weight. She's basically stopped exercising and her diet is terrible. She's always been a little on the chubby side, but I actually prefer women with a little meat on their bones. She's about 5 ft 3 inches and for the longest time probably weighed around 150. Now she's up to about 200 and is showing no signs of being concerned. How can I tell her that this is bothering me on a number of different levels without upsetting her or making her think I don't love her? Ladies, I'm especially interested in your suggestions.
Most Helpful Girl
You don't need to tell her, honey. She knows, I guarantee it. Whether she sees it and/or acknowledges is the real question. I believe before you talk to her about it see if you can figure out WHY is she gaining it. I get that she doesn't eat well and has stopped exercising, but there's a reason for that. (You don't mention her age, but most of us as we age have a tendency to put on weight even if other activity/eating patterns stay the same) Is she depressed? Is she on some medication that is causing the weight gain? Has she changed birth control methods? Does she have other health problems, such as joint pain that is keeping her from her normal activities? Have there been any changes in your relationship or other life changes, such as loss of a loved one that could be causing her to eat due to emotional issues?
I ask because I've lived these things. I've always carried some extra weight and I am an emotional eater. I gained when my both of my parents had cancer and then again after they died. I gained when I lost my job suddenly. I gained when our daughter left for college. I have struggled with depression off and on and when it's particularly bad, all I want to do is eat and sleep and my weight explodes! Medication I have taken FOR the depression causes weight gain too. I have old knee injuries that required surgery and the pain/stiffness get worse the older I get, thus keeping me from being as active as the years go by.
Unless you want a confrontation causing her to become defensive, the last thing you want to do is point out the obvious. As I said, I'm sure she is aware of the gain. What she needs is help to stop whatever is causing it. When my weight starts to get out of hand, my husband is very quick to ask me what's going on. He shows concern for ME, with no mention of the weight gain. He makes it about my health, my happiness, my welfare and his concern for me to get the most out of life. He encourages me to get out and do things with him. He'll suggest trying out some new recipes that he will tell me sound good to him. I'm not stupid so I know it's his way to get my diet balanced, but he does it without making me feel badly. You know your wife, and I'm sure you can figure out how to approach her and help her explore what is going on without making it all about the weight. You may even know what the problem is if you really think about it. Chances are if you DO make it all about the weight and how she looks, she will just become defensive and upset. Just speak from your heart.. with love and concern but not judgement. I hope things go well for you and for her. She's lucky to have a man that cares enough and loves her enough to not want her upset by using the "I don't want a fat wife" route! If you stick to the positive reasons that it's bothering you she'd be foolish not to try to get back on track. I hope she appreciates the way you approach it. Best of luck to you both. *S*3