My husband and I have only been married for about 8 months. He's 26 and I'm 22. We are both at jobs that we really can't stand, are basically living paycheck to paycheck, and are working on starting our own businesses. He's also trying to pay off some of his debt from credit cards and I have to start paying back my student loans. Our schedules sometimes conflict with each other and our jobs always take a lot of our energy. Even though we are kind struggling right now, I think that I am still able to balance everything like out my social life, having quality time with my husband, and our sex life. But it seems like whenever we don't have sex over at least 3 times a week he throws a temper tantrum and claims that I'm selfish and makes it seem like I need to be in the mood for him whenever and however he wants it. We have had this conversation numerous times and I am really starting to get sick and tired of it. I work try and keep the house clean and cook for him when I'm not too tired. This argument always happens when I'm either too tired and not in the mood or when our schedules for the week didn't exactly line up so we would have time for it. He always makes it seem like it is my fault that we don't have sex enough and that I should try and get myself in the mood for him even though I still try and make sure that we have sex multiple times a week. Not only does he tell me I need to balance everything better but he always asks me if I still love him and find him attractive if I don't give him sex after a couple days. Its ridiculous. After a long day at work I want to come home to a husband that is going to comfort me not one who complains that we only "have sex on my terms" and I need to learn to balance everything better. I love him to death I really do, other than these occasional arguments he treats me well, constantly tells me he loves me he helps around the house and would do just about anything for me. But I don't know how much longer I can take having these arguments about the same thing. Am I being selfish or is he?
Most Helpful Girl
Mens egos are so sensitive, especially when it comes to sex. The only options you have are to explain this to him - about how you just get tired and want to come home to him comforting you rather than arguing that you're not "putting out". If you fear he just won't understand then I'd suggest never denying him sex if and when he feels like it (even if your not in the mood). You're not being selfish, he's just being a big baby. Although, that's how men are when it comes to sex and their ego. At least you still love your husband and are sexually attracted to him... try having sex with someone you're not (its the worst!). I read an article once written by a sex therapist regarding a couple who was having a similar problem and they suggested thinking of sex as a gift to your partner. You offer them sex as a reward. Regardless of your husbands insecurity surrounding the reasons why he thinks you don't wanna have sex, the next time he does, give him "the gift" of sex whether you want to or not. You may not feel like it. Although, believe you would still consider your husband worthy of receiving that gift, right? And how long can it possibly take, really (6 min? If you really wanted it to, lol) You may be tired but at least your giving your husband the gift he deserves and you won't have to listen to him complain about it anymore. ;) You married him (for better or for worse) so suck it up (no pun intended) and give the guy what he wants when he wants it or be willing to listen to him bitch about it otherwise.1