Should you still honor a mother who manipulates and destroys her family?

Everyone says you should honor your Mother and Father. So what if you try and she pulls the rug out from under you, trash talks her kids, has physically and emotionally abused them, beat their Dad down until he dies of a heart attack, and as the end game, spent all his money he asked her to give to her childern on her bizarre boyfriend and threw away Dad's pictures for no reason but spite and shuns any mention of him. He supported her working 6 days a week for years and years. She said he didn't say 'he loved her enough'. No one talks to her, even her friends she's so manipulative and destructive.

  • Forgive, she's your mother
    Vote A
  • Consult a lawyer, go to family court
    Vote B
  • Forget about lawyers and the spent inheritance, cut her evilness off completely
    Vote C
  • Write a letter to everyone about what she's done so she's exposed
    Vote D
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Updates:
I'm sorry this is such a loaded and negative topic. This is very personal to me and I have not been able to ask a non-involved, or non-manipulated by my charismatic mother group of people an objective view. Our family is in dire emotional circumstances. I keep fighting the rest hide or fall.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I can relate. My father also died young. I think that he wanted to get away from her.

    I can't remember her having one nice thing to say about me (as a child)

    Nothing was good enough for that thing that gave birth to me. This girlfriend was too big for me, another walked funny, one cut her meat "very European" etc. I got so tired of all of her BS I stop talking to her years ago.

    I don't know what you will gain going to family court.

    I am better off since I stopped communicating with her. No, I have no regrets.

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    • Yes, I know, I'm sorry you had to go rough it too. My sister, who is a meth addict and has taken on my Mothers 'attitude' has taken my Dad's ashes and my Mother won't let me have any so his ashes sit in her house in a cheap box, because my Mom says, who cares, when you're dead you're dead. She wanted the money for plastic surgery! Right after he died. She then said someone close to me who died didn't deserved the 10K I spent on their burial!

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    • Well, she's proud of my looks and my accomplishment she can brag about to others so she looks good. Never about anything deeper. I said everything I have I got by my own will and survival, not your parenting. TY for the compliment.

    • You should feel good about accomplishing everything on your own. You owe nothing to anyone.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 7

  • You must find a way to render her unconscious, and then pack her bum to overflowing with raw peanuts.

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    • You sound like you might be familiar with British things. She's British and says because she was an orphan at the end of the war and heard the bombs all around her, even though many others suffered the same fate, she seems to use that as an excuse of hatred to damn the world around her. Interestingly.

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    • Again, you give the best answers :P

    • Ha! Thanks for sayin... ; - )



  • Honor your mother and father - to a point. If someone says honor your mother and father ALWAYS, ask them what they would do if their parents tried to kill them.

    Speaking as someone who comes from a fairly well-disciplined family where we were expected to respect our parents as children, if I were ever in your shoes, I would tell your mother to her face what a pathetic human being she is and sever all contact. Dedicate yourself to honoring the memory of your late father instead.

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    • Thank you, I do. I am trying to get part of his ashes, and my sister who has decided to take the path of least resistance by becoming mini-mom has taken and stolen family items - she feels entitled. She took Dad's ashes and my Mom likes that cause we won't be like Mom like my sister. I can't even get buried one day with his ashes. Nothing I can do. Only pray, because I am a Christian despite all this.

    • Edit: I mean a little of my Dad's ashes, not all of them.

  • she sounds like a pretty horrible person, and in all honesty, I don't think I would have any respect for her

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    • She's like Satan crossed with Saddam Hussein, Joan Crawford and Hitler, that bad.

    • Wow, I am seriously speechless that someone could actually be like that. And suffering emotional and physical abuse from her...yeah, you must be a freaking saint because I couldn't respect someone like that

    • Not a saint, feisty as hell and will fight at the drop of a hat, which most people from families such as mine can be like. I am very ethical and will struggle to be what she is not, in terms of my immediate treatment of others. My defensive nature is very aggressive due to her treatment, I suppose.

  • There is such a thing called Karma & Justice, what comes around will go around.

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  • Lawyer it up. You shouldn't honor your family or anyone if they treat you like sh*t or cause such serious problems. They obviously aren't honoring you.

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    • Well, it's an unusual case like I told the lady below. The actual laws around the estate is my Mother had the position of being allowed to change the Trust. Though my Dad's wishes were clear. The endless years of abuse that go way beyond anything on Dr. Phil and what he's seen, to a point, may be an unusual court case. It would have to be a mental suffering defense, and maybe class action. TY for the answer.

  • Cut out the chafe.

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  • no one should blindly honer their parents. if they are evil and don't treat their family with respect than they don't deserve it from their children.

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    • Indeed. My theory is we're born human equally, and deserve to be treated with basic human respect by all people in our life, despite their 'role'. A parent who abuses t, heir 'role' for their own narcissistic evil desires, is worse than some of the lowest and my Mum should never have had children ever ever! She told me over and over I wish you were dead, called me a whore at 4 years old and on, and she wishes I never was born.

    • at least you're old enough to separate your self from her.

      I think the term unfit parent's isn't used often enough.

What Girls Said 2

  • If you don't like your mom, then you don't have to have a relationship with her.

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    • Yes, I don't like my Mom. But when she has destroyed all related to me, and I am effected, I still have to have a relationship with those she destroys. Kind of hard to ignore. Snappy psycho-babble one-liners just don't work for every family issue.

    • You're right and I think this kind of situation sucks, but I just meant I don't think you should have to honor her if you don't feel she is honorable.

    • How did you get to 5 Guru? First answer, besides some idiot guy who told me women should be treated badly that ticks me off, how insensitive are you? Live it, honey, and come back to me with the same answer~!

  • ok, if it was leagaly in a will that the money was supposed to go to the kids and she spent it- I would say fight for it but the problem is if you take her to court its gonna be expensive, but you should definitely talk to her about it and tell her how you feel even if she doesn't listen.

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    • Well, I don't have a leg to stand on in court, because I think she had the power to change the trust. and she's NO dummy. The unusually bad thing is the level of dire abuse and disregard and neglect for everyone including my father's memory. This would be a civil suit about mental abuse and past child abuse. Very expensive and difficult to fight - but almost worth it!

    • you're right it will be expensive- but if you think its worth it go for it!

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