Girlfriend of 3 years (off and on) dumped me, and a week later she has already begun seeing another guy.

I was in a relationship with a girl that is now 23 years old. I am 21. We met and fell in love with one another. We are both still virgins at the time of the breakup as we promised that we would save ourselves for marriage. Things were going well, but we did have our share of arguments and a few breaks. But, I was always there for her. I was there for her when her friends would turn on her. I was there when her extremely controlling parents (she still has a curfew) would put her down and attack her for not having a good job yet. She told me all the time that I was her only real friend, because I was the only person that listened and understood and respected her. But, she hated that I drove recklessly and would swear. She also didn't like how I just was stressed, but I was stressed because I was working 2 jobs while going to college at her request, because I could only marry her if I had my degree. Recently, she had been acting differently. She would post tumblr posts about meeting and kissing strangers. But, I still stayed true. one week before Christmas, I saw Twilight in theaters with her and we were making out and playing around uncontrollably afterward, but less than a week later on the day before Christmas Eve, I asked if she wanted to hang out. She said yes, but when I got there, she told me she just wanted to be friends. I was shocked. I asked her if there was someone else, and she could not give me a straight answer. Finally, I found out she had another guy by going to her house, when she just wouldn't pick up her phone (she lives close to me) and I saw her get out of a car much nicer than my own, smiling. It had not even been a week since she dumped me and she was already dating? I confronted her and she was shocked and angry that I found out what she was doing when she had assured me that there was no one else. I know I was acting irrationally when I went over there, and when I continuously called and texted her right after the confrontation. I tried calling her from the night I caught her coming home from a date with a guy (Dec. 29th) until New Years Eve. There were many texts as well, in which I assured her that I was not mad and I begged and begged that after 3 years of love and loyalty that I had given her, I just wanted to talk and reach a conclusion. She had already blocked me on Facebook and still has not responded to me since that fateful night. It just hurts to much that I was so dedicated to her and just because I caught her in the act, she is willing to throw that all away, even though she assured me she would always remain my best friend. My first question is do you guys think she was seeing this dude before dumping me (she promises me she didnt). My second question is if there is any possibilty to get her back, how do I do it? Thank you so much guys for your time and patience with this long post. I am just so shattered, because I thought I found her. I still want her though. HELP ME! :(


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I personally think that she was just trying to make you jealous and make you know that she is not there for granted. but the fact that you accused her with seeing someone else and caught her in the act (girls get crazy when they are caught doing something they don't want you to know about) made her extremely mad that she doesn't even want to see you anymore.

    Give her sometime, talk to her close friends, than talk to her again and never give up, but don't come as too needy

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    • Thanks for the support dude, it means a lot. But I don't think she was trying to make me jealous. Otherwise, she wouldn't be sneaking around, but who knows. All I know is that I made a huge mistake confronting her and calling her until new years eve. I sent her a long e-mail which was nothing but love and promise of support from me if she ever needs it around 9:30 last night. Now, I need to stay strong until she contacts me. Any other advice you got would be great man! Thanks!

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    • I don't know man, you kinda blew it up. but just as I told you never give up. you have been together for 3 years for god's sake, that's something.

    • thank you so much for your time and patience...sorry for being a wreck...its because...well, I'm a wreck...but you're right, I ain't gonna give up...im just scared that confronting her and the fact that she isn't talking to me at all despite all that we've been through and all I've done for her, she is perfectly satisfied with the dude she just started dating...i hope she still loves me and hasn't forgotten...only time will tell, and only time heals, thanks brotha

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What Girls Said 4

  • everyone has to have a first break up in order to really really no what they want

    It is rare that one stays together for ever with their first love. The first love is always there so that you can have dating and relationship expierence for when the real one comes a long and then you will Know exactly what to do differently and how to really make a relationship work.

    You can't possibly say she is the best thing ever if you have not even expierecned someone else to compare her to. Shoot! you might even meet someone who is way better for you than her anyway. I'm sure you have heard the saying "if you love someone, let them go, if they come back then you were meant to be"

    Also you should never depend on someone, like you have been, to make you happy because that is very unhelathy in a relationship, like an obsession. and now you are a total mess without her. You have to learn how to be happy without someone that way they can leave and you still feel like a whole person. You have to learn how to be independent first. Never depend on someone else for your happiness!

    just think about it for a minute and reflect. Do you have hobbies, your very own things that you like, or was everything you were doing with your life for her. Before you met her were you happy? Did you even have any realistic dreams? Could you see yourself being succesful? Do you have other friends? Did you pass up opportunites to make friends or spend time with your friends because you thought it would make your girlfriend happy? Do you have goals? Have you ever said "i have always wanted to go... because I have never done it before" and then save up money so that you could go do it? Any aspirations? Do you feel empty like you are just wandering around in this world taking up space? Do you even have a life?

    If you don't have a life then you better go get one, be ambitious, have goals and be focused with your life.

    People live to be like 80 years old and older but you are only 21 years old, I'm telling you this right now and from expierence, that the man you are right now is not at all gonna be the same man you will be when you are 31 years old.

    take this as a learning experience that was needed to help you see life more clearly, to help you grow up and to become a stronger smarter man. Once you discover happiness while being single, you will easily attract the right person into your life without even thinking about it. Who knows, it may be your ex or it may not be her but you will definitely be happy

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  • she was most likley cheating on you.. don't try to get her back. move on yourself and don't let a girl treat you like that. it's messed up

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  • nothing you can do about it. Just move on because she did. People move on at different rates

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  • She was probably seeing him secretly or cheating on you

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What Guys Said 4

  • That sucks, but it's definitely not the first time girls have done something like this. As much as girls will claim they want that nice guy that is always there for them, many girls don't actually realize this until they are older. She might be in that grass is greener stage. So at least take comfort in knowing it wasn't anything you did to cause her to leave.

    She may claim she wasn't seeing this guy while you were still together, but that term is all relative. They may have talked or hung out before, but she was just waiting to end things with you before making it official.

    I hate to tell you this but in all likelihood you are not going to get back together with her. She has obviously moved on already. It sounds like she never really appreciated just how much you cared for her. She probably won't realize this for a long time, or she will make up things to convince herself you weren't that great. I know you want her back, and I know how shocked you are that she could end something you thought was special, I just had the same thing happen to me. But it's best to try and not dwell on it.

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  • It sounds like she moved on before the break up and had a head start for her new life. She might have hurt you, but in the long run she did you a huge favor by ending the relationship that was likely to end eventually.

    You sound like a great guy and the right lady is going to love you for the REST OF HER LIFE, and you will not fight all the time. Keep looking for that girl and let go of the pain from this one. The right girl is looking as hard for you as you are looking for her.

    Good Luck,

    James

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  • she sounds horrible, move on mate

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  • She sounds like a twit...

    I say move on.

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