I have a friend who's been with a guy for 5 years. Their relationship had gone stale since a long time ago, they rarely talk and only hang out on the weekend. She's going overseas for her new job that's gonna last at least 2 years and her boyfriend told her he wants to marry her once her job's done.
The thing is she doesn't seem to have any intention on marrying him and she said even if the guy propose to her 2 years from now she'd say no. When I ask her if she even loves him she said that she can't answer since she doesn't know. I asked her why don't you just break up then, she said that their relationship is fine (means no fights) and since she has been with him for so long she's already used to his presence despite the fact that right now they're more like friends rather than lovers and don't even communicate that often.
To me as a guy this just doesn't make sense, if you don't want to be with someone why would you be in a relationship with him/her? Mind you, this girl WANTS to get married.. just doesn't seem that she wants to do it with her current boyfriend. Any comments?
Most Helpful Girl
5 years is a long time, and we can assume that her decision to ultimately not marry this man is considered a "waste of time". and truthfully speaking, no one would waste their time without having a solid reason to do so!
Her response is very vague but there is always a reason as to why someone would "waste their time" and it is much deeper than what she is actually telling you. I have been in a 5 year relationship and after realizing that I did not want to marry this man I went through a couple phases in contemplating whether or not I should stay. Why I had stayed in this relationship for another 5 months after I realized I did not want to spend my entire life with this guy was this:
1. I was hoping he would return to the guy I first fell in love with
2. I had invested too much time and effort into our relationship that I did not want to have it all go to waste.
3. Since I was his only source of happiness I was afraid if I leave he would drop out of school, do drugs, drink, etc.
4. His family. I loved his family more than him, and I was afraid that if I broke up with him he would do something so rash that it would hurt his family.
5. I was "comfortable" familiarity was comforting- it was simply okay to live with but there was nothing truly exciting about our relationship.
6. I stayed knowing I would not want to marry him because I was trying my best to teach him how to live independently without letting him know that I had intentions of breaking up with him!
7. Immaturely, this may sound stupid, but like a child; I would hate to leave him and find him happier with someone much more prettier than I or worse- to be with the girl he had "liked" while we were dating!
8. What I see in this pattern of all my reasons to stay is ultimately because I cared about him. I did not love him, I did not see a future with him, but if anything I truly cared about him.
There could be many more reasons as to why she insists on continuing a "un-savable" relationship. SHE definitely knows why she wouldn't marry him, its just that she may not want to tell you the real reason maybe for reasons she must be ashamed about. I must repeat... you must keep in mind that no one would sacrifice their own potential happiness without having a reason to!1
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