I have posted a few times in the last 1.5 years. My ex dumped me 1.5 years because he couldn't handle the distance. For the greatest part of those 1.5 years he told me that maybe we can be more again if I move one day. Of course, I clung onto this like a drowning woman to a lifebuoy. When I say that he said that for the greatest part, I mean that it was interlaced with mean things like him saying we need to stop talking, or him criticising me and telling me to get a grip. Last year in August was the last time that he said he would probably date me again if I moved, and in September he told me he'd like to see me again. In October, he suddenly stopped talking to me. I never heard from him again. I tried to get in touch as I was worried and confused. Earlier this month, eventually, I got notified by the police that he reported me for "harassment" because I have supposedly harassed him since October. I've found out that he has a girlfriend since October, so I can only guess what his motives are. I assume he needed to get rid of me, and needed to make it look like I was obsessive and insane, because he didn't want her to know about the things he'd told me. Frankly, I guess when she appeared in his life, he had no need for me anymore and the most efficient way was to go to the police and have them tell me not to contact him again. Because it would have been so hard to tell me himself.
For the past 1.5 years, I always thought that him finding someone new would hurt more than anything else. But you know what? It doesn't. And not just because he has proven to be a petty jerk with the police thing. On the contrary, it makes me feel great. It makes me feel free. It makes me feel like I finally got my life back.
What I've learnt is that I need to stop idealising guys. I always believed he was an honest and thoughtful person. But a good person wouldn't go to the police because of a maybe 15 email between October and January. I've learnt that when someone dumps me, he should no longer be allowed to play a role in my life. At least not for a very long while. I read all these posts on here about people wanting to get their ex back, or wondering if their ex still has feelings for them. I was one of those people. For a very long time. Too long. It makes me sad when I read those posts now because someone who dumped you does not deserve your feelings and thoughts. I know it's hard and painful, but it's just not right that people prolong their suffering. What I've learnt is that next time someone dumps me, I am not going to let it consume me. I will not be fed lies until someone better comes along. I will not be the idiot on the backburner.
It was a very tough time. But I came out of it and I feel so strong and so free. I don't even have any hatred for my ex, despite the fact that he's a coward who asked the police to tell me something he wasn't man enough to tell me. I feel free. And awesome.
I wish you all the best and the strength you need!
Most Helpful Girl
wow. I read this with tears in my eyes.
i can honestly say, that this describes what I went through about 8 months ago. except, I broke up with him over the distance. we tried, I felt like I was trying harder to see him and meet him, but more times than not, I was met by excuses and put on the backburner for his gaming career. I ended up breaking it off when he didn't talk to me the last two weeks I was away. unfortunately, it was the last straw, but was honest and said it was not working well for me and I'd tried everything I could, we were arguing more, and thought maybe in the future when we had more time for each other, we could try things once more. he was furious with me, and cut me out of his life. I spent my whole entire summer, trying to win him back over because of the guilt of breaking his (and my own) heart. I sent emails, spoke to his friends, everything I could to win him over, and never once did he apply to my apologies or anything. he went so far to avoid me at his favorite restaurant, in an obvious fashion. he found a new girl in the process, and threw me away like trash by talking crap about me on his gaming stream, as if I was a piece of meat. but I pined and pined over him, losing my sanity when I saw he was with the new girl, and ruined every possible relationship opportunity for the hopes my ex would "come back". it consumed my whole being. I ate, drank, slept, wept for the day he would finally come back. he never did.
in the process, I was humiliated by his friends, hurt by the new girl saying to my face that after treating her badly, he BEGGED her to come back, and she gave him another chance (something that was never given to me).
it wasn't until I hit extreme rock bottom this December that I was able to see the light, and started to release my ugly anger and resentment towards my ex. I can say that it has desensitized me from dating. I know that if he really had cared to really try, he would've back then, all of the times I gave him the opportunity to. but, in that storm, I see that idealizing IS a terrible thing to do, for anyone. we are only human. it leaves you with the illusion that they could never do anything wrong, but in reality, you're setting yourself up for complete failure.
now, I'm content in concentrating on my studies and bettering myself, the one thing I destroyed for this person. but now, I treasure myself to NEVER let myself go to that dark place again. I hurt knowing that you went through this for a year and a half, no one should EVER have to go through that pain or turmoil, but you know what, you still came out on top ;) and that's what make people awesome. I truly loved your story. and I wish you nothing but the best and complete happiness :)0