Are we too old to reassure our partner?

When I question my man about things he gets real crazy about it. Example: He went out to dinner to last night with "a group of his buddies, all guys.." I don't really believe him but when I said that, he tells me he is not in the business of selling the truth." Now I have some trust issues that I'm working on & he knows that BUT if I need a little reassurance every now and again, Am I wrong for that? Am I asking too much? He says, he's grown & dsnt need to reassure me of anything. Says they are MY issues. Am I being over the top?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If he feels he is not in the" business of telling the truth" I am sorry to say you have no relationship. It is fundamentally flawed. Leave him you are doing nothing wrong

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What Guys Said 10

  • Look here is the deal, first I can't speak for your partner, but it is my belief to take any action which will help make a relationship stronger, so in this particular case if my wife wanted a little extra reassurance I would give it to her. I love my wife dearly and I have invested a lot into our relationship, so additional reassurance is not a big issue for me, my only request is that she appreciates it and then responds in turn, in the sense that she is either a little more affectionate with me or does something that lets me know she appreciates what I have to offer, as there is no worse feeling than putting forth an effort if you feel it is not appreciated or taken for granted. I believe that security within a relationship is something which is developed. I can appreciate the idea that you are secure with who you are, however if he knows that you may still have some security issues than he should be sensitive to that and try and help you through that so that you are more secure. Granted I know this is not what many men do, but I believe that there are more and more men who are willing to do this for their women. I would see if you can sit down and have a positive discussion with him about some of your concerns and needs, not in an accusatory tone but one more akin to what you have outlined above, in that you occasionally need a little something extra is all. His willingness to dismiss these as YOUR issues may be a bit of a warning flag to you that he isn't interested in your needs. I hope this helps some.

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    • It was helpfull thank you. Its nice to see that you are willing to put forth the effort in your relationship. Hopefully I can get my man to do the same. = )

    • Glad I could help, let me know if you seek any other sort of advice. :-)

  • It's not about age: it's about trust. If this guy doesn't inspire trust in you, dump him and find a guy who does. I think once a guy get to be interesting in a longer term sense, you owe each other the benefit of the doubt. Questioning/snooping/spying all ruin a relationship if they are compulsive.

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  • YES if you have been nagging him with your doubts and every time he comes up pure & innocent. His statement is really "you are wearing my nerves thin" + we are mature enough to address your issues in other, more loving ways.

    Ask for hugs, use mouth for kissing, tell brain to trust or leave him ... black or white.

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  • No, hey, whatever oura gesm we all have trust issues at some level. It's best to be honest if we are feeing insecure, and it's not a good sign that he dismisses your concerns as 'selling the truth;..

    We're never THAT grown up! Him neither!

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  • Um so for once just try to give some space and be relaxed, see how things go and if its positive, stick to it else you can always return back to your 'asking for reassurance' mode.lol There's no prob in trying, right. Anyways good luck

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  • You are never too old to make your partner feel better.

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  • You need some growing emotionally and might want to stay single till you do

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    • As I alway appriciate feed back - I welcome you to read some of my responses. Not sure if growing emotionally is what I need here. We've been together a year & I still haven't met family, friends, been to his house ect... so... I'm am lacking in the trust department with him. I'm not one to give my man sh** if its not warrented. He even lied to me about having instagram and that's not even something worth lying about.. So I'm nt sure its my emotional growth that is in question here.

  • To be clear, it is you who has the problem, not him. But, unless you are doing more than you've said to piss him off, he should be willing to reassure you. It's complicated because if he has done something in the past to lose your trust, even though he is completely honest and faithful now, then he owes you some reassurance.

    Sounds to me like the two of you need to have an open and honest discussion about this.

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    • I agree we need to talk but its like pulling teeth. We've been together a year & I still haven't met family, friends, been to his house ect... so... I'm am lacking in the trust department with him. I'm not one to give my man sh** if its not warrented. He even lied to me about having instagram and that's not even something worth lying about...

    • Thanks for sharing that. It's good information that is very relevant. It sounds like he's given you some reasons not to trust him. You deserve more transparency considering how long you have been together. In my opinion you need to confront him about it and don't settle for platitudes. Good luck.

  • I think you are.

    It's one of the reasons I won't date girls like you - I don't want to have to prove myself every single time you get a nagging doubt.

    You say you need reassurance? I see that as your problem - particularly when he's never given you any reason to doubt him.

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    • Wow if I didn't no better Id think this was him. He's def given reason to doubt him, but Id be here for days trying to explain it. Thanks tho. = )

  • Just put yourself in his shoes. Assuming you were telling the truth, would you go out of your way to deal with his insecurity?

    Having said that, has he given you any reason to doubt him? Has he lied or cheated before? If he hasn't, give him a break.

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What Girls Said 3

  • No, we are not too old to reassure our partners. We do that by doing nice things for them, paying compliments, and pretty much anything under the romance category.

    However, what you are doing is badgering him, nagging him, harassing him, and calling him a liar. You are bordering on being emotionally abusive to him. And then you turn it around, call it "reassurance", and play the victim.

    This is so very "I hate you, don't leave me." You haven't by any chance been diagnosed borderline, have you? Either way, you might want to read that book.

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    • You may want to read some of the responses I gave to shed a little more light on the situation. Pretty sure I'm not emotionally abusive, borderline, or harrassing him LOL But as always I appriciate the input.

  • Trust is a difficult thing. You need to grow it with deep roots. That is your responsibility! But if he feels compassion for this process he can help you with it or at least not stand in your way. But don't get dependent on that it happens fast, I know what I am talking about.

    Nontheless, ask your guy why he gets so stress when he gets asked questions. It could be cause he has something to hide, but it could also and this is much more common I think, be cause he is a guy and a lot of guys feel cornered even when there is nothing to hide. Try to figure out what it is that makes him act that way. Once you know the answer to this you can go ahead and build those trust roots or send him off into the desert.

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  • Why question him? Share what you did while he was out and open the door for him to share how his night went. People can get defensive when questioned, even when the question is innocent.

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