When a girl says she doesn't need a boyfriend at the moment

ladies when you tell guys that you don't want a boyfriend at the moment, just a friend who's always going to be there for you and also tell them that maybe in the long run they might be your boyfriend. Is that something that happens or you just say that to make them feel better

Updates:
she asked me a question about if I was with a girl, and me and her got on well and in a relationship but no sex until marriage, she asked me if I was going to leave just because of that.


I just told her relationships don't have to be about that and told her what I wanted and she goes on by saying how guys are trouble at this point I'm guessing the last boyfriend must have done something to make her feel this way
how can I give her emotional support ?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • So for example, I've just wrapped up a messy divorce and I recently told someone I've gotten to know recently that I did not want a relationship at the moment. That just means that I am not ready for the drama that is commonly associated with having a relationship. It does not mean that I don't like him -- which I established clearly -- or that I don't want him -- which I also established clearly.

    It means that I acknowledge we both have busy schedules -- my work schedule and other responsibilities have me at my wit's end most of the week, and he travels rather a lot. It's best for both of us if we just date each other and keep in touch during the week without putting extra labels on everything. He said he "we're friends, right?" and that threw me off a bit (since I don't usually sleep with my friends or go out one-one-one with guy friends at all), so it's been quite a departure from my standards. We're still working the kinks out of this. It will possibly end up going nowhere further than it is now, and we may stop talking to each other altogether if our goals don't align...

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What Girls Said 20

  • Well, if I wasen't 'into' one of my male friends I would totally give him the excuse that I didn't want a boyfriend atm...but I would definitely NOT tell him that he might be my boyfriend in the long run...because that is dumb and gives him false hope! So maybe your 'friend' might be telling the truth :)

    Please help me and answer my question?

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  • I don't see any girl telling a guy that she didn't like that he could be her boyfriend someday.

    As for me personally, when I say I don't want a boyfriend at the moment it means one of two things:

    1) I legitimately don't need or want a boyfriend at the moment

    2) I'm interested in a guy who will probably never like me back and I don't want to get anyone else's hopes up because it's not fair for them.

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  • I recently said this to a guy but I legitimately actually meant it. I like him, very much actually. Its just that I just got out of a bad relationship and I plan to move soon to continue my education and career. I don't know when I will be able to go but I don't want him to have to choose. She may actually mean it like I did. I wouldn't see it as the end of the world. Who knows, maybe me and this guy will end up together :)

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  • For me, when I say it, I'm being sincere. My focus in life right now is school and building a wonderful resume. Relationships, in my eyes, are bothersome 9/10 times. I look around at all of the piss poor, dysfunctional, sloppy relationships that are thriving all based on sex and it gives me a headache. I'm so in love with life that it takes a really special guy to make me snap out of my wanderlust with life and take him seriously as a boyfriend. In a way, I trained myself to be that way once I realized that many people are damaged goods and they are going to contribute negative, stressful things in my life and give me baggage if I let them get too close.

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    • I never say something like "Maybe in the long run you'll be my boyfriend" because I think that's damn selfish. That's more or less saying, "I don't want a relationship, but you can wait around for me until I'm ready and you can put in your best effort to make me want you but I'll put in no effort to make you want me." and I'm not that type of girl

  • She may really not want a boyfriend but alongside that she probably doesn't have feelings for you at the moment. If she really liked you she would have made an effort in this situation. I don't think she's considered a relationship in the future but if you really like her you can always stay friends and hope for the best. There's always a chance that she actually is hiding her feelings. Although, from my experience, being friend zoned is almost worse than letting go because eventually it leads to you having to admit the person has no feelings for you anyways. Good luck with whatever you decide to do :)

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  • TO TELL YOU THE TRUE- she does not find you attractive- because any women always want to have a boyfriend- who would be always for us- but when we haven't find the right one and the one we really like- we said that to our closers friends to make them feel good, but for what you describe she just like you as a friend no as a man or boyfriend.

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  • it depends, if she has a lot on her plate (school, work, ect) then she might just be waiting to have time to give you her all. Me and my current boyfriend started talking during my spring semester in college, but waited until the summer to start going out together. That was three years ago!

    If you really like her, tell her. as hard as that may be.

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  • I catch myself saying that a lot - but mainly because I don't feel ready because I do move like a turtle at times, I don't know him too well, he is too aggressive, or some other excuse I can think of. but once I feel ready I usually would let him know.

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    • cool, she asked me also about sex, saying if I was with a great girl and me and her got along but no sex would I leave or stay. I told her it's not about that and she asked me why do I want a girlfriend so I told her my reason told her it's not about sex I just want to be with someone who feels the same, can spend time with go for walks watch movies and talk about nothing at all

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    • I remember in high school - I liked him as a friend - but he was after me for at least a few years. his chasing was too aggressive - he made himself too available. and it took away from his attractiveness...

    • my friend told me not to be always available so I've decided to back off at and still limit myself and I noticed what's happened she would call me stranger and what not because I'd tone it down sometimes I don't reply to text or reply back an hour later, during the summer we texted and spoke to each other a lot but I've cut that down to it's always her to contact me what I noticed was after5 days of not speaking to her she would say things like where are you, your such a stranger these days

  • Not right now, is maybe in the future. Usually, I guess I need more time to analyze or to see your reaction. If it a bad reaction then I know for sure it won't work out at all. If you are patience, maybe I will see the light.

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  • It depends on the situation... She says she wants you to be a friend and to tag along with her and be there for her so I would say she is interested but very busy and/or scared

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  • i think that she just needs some time for herself before getting into another relationship but if she says that you could be future boyfriend then hang in there as she is also thinking she wants to be with you

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  • i myself once told it to a guy...i did it mostly to comfort him.cause deep down I already knew that we could never be together

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  • no its not something you just say it is what it means.

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  • Whenever I say that I truly mean it but different people have different meanings of what they say

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  • yes

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  • Well, seeing that she said that you could potentially be a boyfriend in the future tells me she has not completely friend zoned you but genuinely does not want the responsibuilities and the "baggage" that comes with having a relationship at this moment. If I have definitely friend zoned a guy, I would never give him false hope by adding that he COULD be a boyfriend in the future. So unless she is a player or something, I would take her word for it.

    For me, I am also very much involved in academics and life in general. I don't really care to have a boyfriend at this moment because I have more important things to think about and I am not looking to find someone to marry anytime soon. So what's the point of having a relationship if you have more important things to think about and to deal with? HOWEVER! if some very VERY special guy happened to come around... I probably wouldn't give HIM the line that I do not want a relationship right now. I would definitely give it a go. But I would have to be into the guy enough to put aside all my priorities to give the relationship a chance. So, in closing, it seems she has NOT friend zoned you BUT she does not find you all that special either. If you do not want to get hurt, do NOT get attached to her first. DO NOT or you will end up VERY VERY VERY hurt.

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  • If she ended with "I don't need a boyfriend at the moment" ... I'd say she doesn't like you. But that she said that you might be her boyfriend she's either a) a narcisst or b) a girl who likes you put is overwhelmed with something at this moment.

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  • I would never say that unless I meant it

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  • If I'm not ready to be in a relationship or I'm not interested in that person then I would use that line.

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  • Well, I don't know about other girls, but I'm not going to lie if I'm not interested in someone. If I say I'm not interested in having a boyfriend, that's what I mean. I wouldn't say that to someone unless I were at least somewhat interested in them though. If I just flat out wouldn't date someone no matter what, I'd tell them directly. No use saying otherwise, or it might bite you in the ass later.

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What Guys Said 2

  • "I don't need a boyfriend at the moment" = she's just not that into you.

    If she met a guy she was really into the following day, she'd have no problem "needing" a boyfriend then. I've seen it happen a million times. Guys do the same thing.

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    • Re: your update: clearly she is afraid that she won't meet anyone who can handle no sex before marriage, and who will get frustrated and abandon her. She put up walls to keep from getting close to anyone so she doesn't get hurt.

      You need to be 100% sure you can deal with that long-term before you try to pursue her. She's giving you the choice up-front, and if you proceed, it needs to be with the understanding that it could be years without sex. If you can't handle that, or leave her alone.

    • I can deal with it, so when she asked me the question was she referring to herself or was it one of those hypothetical questions or maybe it's one of those trick questions

  • Usually larger girls use that line

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