Men and their emotions. Guys, why do you have such a hard time with emotion?

I'm just curious, because it just seems like guys hold back a lot

with there feeling. Like there's so many good guys, who are

sweet and will show emotion. But, at the same time, they

try to hide it or say they're not good with that emotion. When

you know very well that they are, so I'm just wondering why

guys do that? Is it, the society we live in and there (so called)

idea of a quote "a real man"? Which I have say is So stupid!

I mean to me, a man, is a man, is a man. Whether he cries, wears

pink or says "how's it going girlfriend (with a finger snap)". To

me all guys are real men, no matter what! That's just my opinion,

but I digress. Or is it the way a guy was raised to handle his

emotions? Is it a personal choice to not be emotional? Or is

it fear of women thinking less of you and maybe risking them

laughing at you if you show emotion? Like what is it?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It is purely the society we live in as well as the influences of the past societies. To being with, men feel emotions just as women do, period. To say that we lack emotion and can't feel things like sadness, love, hurt, guilt, etc the way women do is bs, we are fully capable o experiencing all those emotions fully and more. However, because of societal pressures and standards over many many many decades, men have been taught to suppress and hide their emotions. Much of this is driven by the notion that if a man shares his feelings and emitions, he will be seen as if he is female because women are the sex known to be open about their feelings. Such a man is also seen as weak because if a man can't control his emotions and suck it up, he is not a man. We're also taught to hide hurt and pain with regards to women; if a girl dumps us or rejects us we are to stifle the pain we feel, puff ourselves up, and say screw her, where's the next girl. Such are the "standards" and pressures that society puts on men. The fact that it's complete bs doesn't erase the fact of decades of such expectations of men by society. Thus on average, men either deliberately choose not express their feelings, or theirs simply afraid to and don't know how. The sad fact is, a true real man is in tune with emotions, recognizes their value and what they're trying to tell him and in doing so is free to express them without shame or fear.

    On a tangent, women also play a role in a mans inability to open up and share feelings. We've all heard of how women perceive a guy who is sensitive to his emotions as girlie and weak etc. I believe it takes a special kind of girl for a man to truly sit with her and be 100% comfortable in sharing his feelings and opening up, knowing that she isn't going to be judging him. As a musician and someone who kept his emotions bottled up for years, I'm very in tune with my emotions and feelings now, and I have no hesitation in opening myself and expressing how I feel, I almost have to otherwise I feel like I'm internalizing too much. But I will be the first to say that it takes a lot on the girls part to show me that she is someone I can trust, someone I can talk to and be myself with wholeheartedly, someone who will not only listen to how I'm feeling but also give me feedback, encourage me, challenge me, etc. I'm a phenomenal listener too by the way :) I hope this answers your question!

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 13

  • Studies have shown that even at age three boys are being given the message that they shouldn't show emotions.

    I'd be more excited about changing that if I weren't part if the wave that was first encouraged to share more, and frankly didn't find it worked out very well.

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  • Because unlike women and girls there is no positive reinforcement for us to show our emotions. Honestly most of the time when we are asked to "show our emotions" It is to get a response or an action out of us. You want to know I fell a way so you know I will do what you want. We are doers.

    It seems like every time we show emotions it is used against us. Even by the people we love and who claim they love us.

    Male emotional expression in society. is like Female promiscuity. no one wants to know about it. but they want to be sure its there when they want to take advantage of it.

    men want sex from women. Women want an emotionally manipulable male to do their bidding.

    And unlike sex with women two get instant positive reinforcement internally as well as externally. There is still that fear that you will be abused.

    There is no positive reinforcement for men to show their emotions. We show how we feel. And we still have to deal with what makes us feel that way. And most times alone.

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  • Its what kheserthrope said , from a young age were raised to bury our emotions because it was a sign of weakness.

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    • Out of curiosity...Do you think girls are def or somehow can not hear this message just as clearly as boys do?

    • Women can be emotional and no one would really judge her for expressing them , Men were raised under the impression that showing too much emotions was embarrassing and weak. This the norm for our society.

  • It's like that joke gum pack that's really a mouse trap. Take a piece of gum; snap!

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  • We are raised not to show how we feel. We are told to toughen up And get on with it. For the main part people don't especially care unless something tragic has happened like a death etc

    Of course we aren't machines and when we so find ourselves in a situation where we have to talk about how we feel we are so out of practice and uncomfortable that it is very difficult. We can't choose the right words and can't make ourselves understood - which in turn makes us less likely to try again on future.

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  • To me it comes naturally I don't fell the need to express almost any emotion. Plus I'm not very sensitive to begin with. However around my late teen years it also became about manliness. Admit it girls - you just aren't attracted to not-manly looking guys. If we show you emotions before the relationship is past beginning stages you just lose interest.

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  • I don't have a hard time with my emotions. I handle them pretty well. I think most men are similar. We are emotionally stable and content. Women are generally the ones slumping into depressions, crying over nothing and not knowing why, being indecisive about how they feel, and so on. Me express their emotions, we just don't express them the same way women do.

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    • Show All
    • @QA: Because I have a positive attitude on life. =P

    • Well, would you mind sharing some of your postivity with me lol? Because, I'm really tired of being sad.

  • I keep my emotions to myself because no one cares about them. And if I show my emotions to a girl then any chances I may have had with her are gone. Girls don't want weak guys with any emotional problems.

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  • We're taught not to display emotion. In the rare events that we willingly open up to a woman and display raw emotions, we usually get heartbroken so we don't repeat the mistake. Trial and error.

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  • There's no point. Women will just think the guys weak or something and lose attraction

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  • Society frowns upon men expressing emotion.

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  • I'm really bad at understanding my emotions and I'm extremely bad at explaining myself. I mean if I'm happy, sad or angry that's easy, anything else is too complicated for me xD

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    • So are women... But you don't see that stopping them...

  • To be completely honest, I think you're full of sh*t. A lot of girls say that but when they experience it, they change their tune real quick.

    I don't think it's necessarily having a hard time with emotions. It's just not showing them on your sleeve. Two completely different things in my opinion.

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    • Okay, I'm not really sure what I said that makes you think I'm full of it. Whatever it is, I can safely say, I don't say things just to say them. Not my style.

    • "I mean to me, a man, is a man, is a man. Whether he cries, wears pink or says "how's it going girlfriend (with a finger snap)". To me all guys are real men, no matter what!"

    • What I said there is the truth, whether you choose to believe me or not is completely up to you!

      But, I don't come on here to say things I don't mean. I don't know why people find that SO hard to believe!?

What Girls Said 5

  • Personally as a woman and from recently dating a guy who is as much emotionally all over the place as me I don't like it guys showing a lot of emotions because it makes me feel uneasy, I like a funny and upbeat guy that knows how to be polite yet sweet and generous, but I don't like blubbery guys at all, us girls are emotional enough especially around that time of month and I think men know what they are on about now, I used to say they don't and that I wanted men to let out their emotions but now I know... I want a stable guy that can think on his own two feet and asks me for help with a situation if he really needs it, of course I want a guy who can be open enough to share what's on his mind with me not completely keep every single thing to himself, I hate guys that do that as that makes me uninterested too.

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    • I think emma simply answered this issue with her post... women want a collected and steady man who have it all together..

  • Its society. I've met girls who say that if guys actually have emotion like, get upset or feel bad then they aren't men. I'm a women and my boyfriend is the 'sharer' in the relationship, I prefer to be independent and am more likely to share my feelings with a guy friend than most of my girl friends. I actually have more of a problem with women and I'm not to much about feelings or gossip (except with a limited amount of girl friends, that can be counted on one hand) and my friend termed me a 'gay guy in a women's body' so yeah, its society and what it teaches us, some rebel (like me) and others just kind of go along with it. My mom wanted a girlie girl, I wanted to listen to rock music, play video games, and wear jeans and shorts instead of skirts and dresses. I now have a group of guy friends and hang out with them, listen to heavy metal and have fun, so I'm the opposite. I ask why women have to gossip, be petty, be nasty, and over-react all the time. The answer? Society expects it. Its not genetic, its societal, infact in one world culture its the women that woo the men. 1st world cultures tend to think of that as crazy. Why?

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  • Alot of people feel that acknowledging how they feel and especially sharing it - is 'weak'. For various reasons.

    Thats all.

    Women do this as well as Men, but fir w.e reason Men are the ones that people think of when thy think of holding in emotion, Even though Women are much more likely to ignore how they feel, act calm in a crisis, not go around beating people up or yelling when they get angry, going on killing sprees or raping anyone.

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  • They aren't incapable of experiencing emotion, they're just socialized and rewarded at a young age to not be as open with them as females are.

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  • A lot of it is nurture. I think men are often told to hide their feelings, which isn't okay. However, I don't like this new wave of "sensitive" guys who use crocodile tears to manipulate girls, either.

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