My boyfriend who is a chef is always very negative?(Please read, thank you )?

It's really horrible sometimes...

It's just he feels regret I think since he didn't finish high school and went out straight away to do a chef apprenticeship. He's incredibly good since he's worked in various places (In a span of 6 years) to get as much experience as he can, and not at a restaurant he was offered the position as head-chef when he's only 21! I'm very proud of him, but it seems to make his mood worse and worse...

I am a loud person, but I was just raised that way, I'm bubbly, laugh out loud but keep quiet if I see people working. I get excited seeing him after work, since he goes at 6am, comes over at 5-8pm (after having to do housework at his parents and playing some video games). He complains a lot about work but I try to spoil him, I buy him energy drinks for the morning, make dinner or bring snacks, get good movies to watch, clean the apartment I live in so he is comfy etc etc...

I got upset yesterday and started crying because I was talking during the movie summing up the plot and he told me to "shush"...I am loud but it hurts when he does this to me, even at parties when I'm telling a joke he tells me to "calm down" and I get embarrassed and hurt thinking if I annoy him so much why is he with me?

I started getting emotional (not just because of what happened yesterday, but him working so much and always complaining that all his friends get a weekend off, yet as a chef he can't and he hates it so much, in 3 years he hasn't taken a holiday!). We talked and since he's working so much on the new restaurant ,settling a new menu, dealing with incompetent wait staff, he says he's stressed out .At home at his parents house he gets pressured to still do housework after 12 hour shifts, then he comes over to my place, where we've been having trouble with nosy annoying neighbours...

So I can understand what he is going through, sometimes 8 days in a row of working long hours and no days off..but I try to spoil him as much as possible and make him see the positives...every time I try to tell him "maybe you could sell your car(around 7000$) for a cheaper model and do some work part-time and do his high school certificate part-time too, but he just complains and makes other excuses, I told him well this job is straining him and he should take a few days off to think about things over, and he makes excuses again and again... :*( I just don't know what to do anymore...we're both so young (23 and 21) and he's always tired to keep up with me, gets irritated or annoyed VERY quickly, my voice annoys him since I talk so loudly sometimes...what do I do?

Additional Details

The thing is that I suspect it's not really because of the job, because even when we go out to parties he acts like what I do is "weird" when I play with kids or make jokes...and it makes me feel bad :( I am eccentric, but he doesn't have to make a big


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Being a chef is one of the toughest jobs there is. Incredibly long days on your feet, no time to pee, 6-7 days a week. High stress. Deadlines. Yelling and noise. Everything has to be just right. The body and mind get taxed to the max. Many chefs turn to alcohol and drugs to cope with the demands. A chef has to pay his dues for 10-20 years before making it big time enough to maybe get Sundays off and holidays. A lousy life. You're worn out and depleted all the time. A passion for food and creativity keep them going. I don't know any chefs who can work the long days and come home and be happy and cheery. Your friend will probably be on edge and have his nerves shot all the time. Anything loud will probably be annoying because he wants some QUIET time for once. It's got to be hard for you and for him. What's the answer? Maybe change of environment. There are chefs in college and hospitals jobs who get some weekends off, and holidays, and there are better benefits. There's not the prestige of hotels and restaurants, but that's the tradeoff for relationships.

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What Guys Said 1

  • He just wants to go home with comfort and in silence.

    Stop nagging, and just give him the best care and comfort that a wife-like girlfriend like you can give.

    He's stressed a lot, and it's good that you're very understanding of him.

    Perhaps next time, you can use a seductive voice rather than your loud, usual voice to keep him more relaxed, and avoid irritation and annoyance.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I hate when people tell me to shush. I just wanna share my happiness and thoughts with everyone. He has a stressful job but it shouldn't be taken out on you.

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  • Maybe you're spending too much time together? This can create friction and general annoyances. I'd chill from him for a few days, like still talk to him but don't be around him as much as usual.when he sees you, he should miss you and then he'll act better

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