Why do guys shut down when they're upset

So my guy friend always seems to shut me out when he's depressed or upset. Like he'll randomly send me a text but then when I say "whats wrong" or "what happened" he just say "nevermind" and tries changing the subject... me being worried/confused try and get him to tell me what's up but he just replies with "its fine" "i don't wanna go into it" or "i just can't say"... WHICH DRIVES ME MENTAL! Because I can tell he wants to tell me (cause otherwise he wouldn't have bought it up it you in the first place) but then doesn't, I kept asking and then he just stops relying =/ ... just wondering if all guys do this and why?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Just because he tells you about it doesn't have to mean that he wants to talk about it. It can also be because he wants you to understand if he behaves a little odd.

    Many guys don't want to talk about things. Because just talking usually don't solve the problem and most guys only ask for advice or ask for help if it can help them solve the issue. They usually don't talk just for the sake of talking about it like many women can do.

    What he probably is trying to communicate to you is that he is not feeling to good and he needs some space. That is why he goes quiet when you keep asking him to talk about it.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Generally speaking, women like to share down emotions with people, and empathize and bond over it. This actually makes women feel better because though it doesn't fix the problem, it does make them feel cared for and that their network of relationships is strong. For much of human history, women's power was very much tied to those personal networks so feeling that she was cared for made her feel better. Men who try to 'fix the problem' make them feel uncared for, like he just wants to fix it so he doesn't have to hear about it.

    Men's success in life was traditionally based far more on what they themselves could do or accomplish. They tend to hide emotions (at least negative ones) which are perceived as weakness and make them less in demand as sexual partners. They bring up problems only when they need advice. Other men attempt to solve problems when they are resolved. This tends to actually make other men feel better - they feel less powerless and more like they have a plan. Their male friends/family are also implicitly sending an emotional message with their advice too - "we believe you can handle this problem, perhaps with just a different approach'. Talking about feelings with a woman makes him feel cared for (like a child, not a lover) but weak.

    The 'problem' with the male approach is if he really can't handle the issues and is really emotionally drowning. Men are much less likely to get help even when they need it. But assuming he CAN handle whatever is going on, let him handle it. He doesn't want you to be his mother. More likely he wants you to admire and desire him.

  • A lot of girls will leave a guy after seeing him in a vulnerable state. Seeing a guy vulnerable can cause the girl to lose all the attraction she initially saw in him. So if he looks strong, tough, and so on. Suddenly, all that attraction is lost because they now see the total opposite with him. It also leaves the guy in a position to be taken advantage of big time.


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