Do you feel like today's hook up culture has damaged our generation?

Do you feel like the prevalence of casual and premarital sex has had a negative effect on relationships in today's society? Courtship has virtually deteriorated, leaving men and woman confused about what getting to know who another really means. Do you feel like technology is a mixed blessing when it comes to relationships too? Women tend to get anxious over texts messages and calls that haven't been responded to, if cell phones didn't exist there would be no anxiety.
I feel like you might be right about somethings you said but monogamy was instated because humans are jealous creatures and doing away with that would just cause more problems not to mention rampant STDs. I don't think humans were designed for serial dating, I feel like my past boyfriends hearts are hanging from my pelt, its as if I have hunted them and are carrying them with me. Weighing me down. And for others, some people don't have the emotional constitution to deal with break ups.
sorry I commented before I read your other comments, it sounds better when you explain it that way


Most Helpful Guy

  • Thank G-d somebody finally asked this question! I think that the concept of a real, intimate, team-based relationship is becoming an endangered species. For example, I see more guys solely interested in hooking up than ever and if anything long term, I've seen a huge rise in FWB- which I see as a rationalization for long-term, meaningless sex with a particular individual.

    I've seen girls cling so much that it suffocates a guy and ruins a relationship. Excessive jealousy does, too. Girls are also using their bodies as manipulation and control. The concept of 'team' is gone and now it's a competition for control. The true definitions of intimacy and romance no longer seem to universally stand and it saddens me. Just before I began to think my standards were too high (wanting, a beautiful, intelligent, ambitious, independent, compassionate, loyal and morally upstanding girl), along came the girl of my dreams. However, I almost compromised because this generation puts too much emphasis on what I believe are not the most important things.

    I want to stress, however, that there are many exceptions to the rule in both sexes- you just have to look harder and work harder.

    • yeah I feel like the messed up way people relate to each is like the elephant in the room nobody wants to acknowledge because they don't want to be thought of as "prude"

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What Guys Said 10

  • Yes, absolutely it has damaged things.

    The US was (and to some degree still is) sexually repressed (most early immigrants were hyper-religious people seeking religious freedom, who created a very puritanical culture) that when the Sexual Revolution started in the 1960s and continued through today, it's no surprise that the pendulum swung way too far in the opposite way. All of the pent-up desire for a society that was more openly accepting of sexuality made us largely forget and ignore the parts of courtship that were IMPORTANT and NECESSARY for a good relationship. We got used to having sex almost immediately with almost everyone just because we could, regardless of whether it was a good idea.

    Women are constantly hurt and feel bad about themselves because they try to operate in a world of FWB, but most simply can't do that without developing feelings, and when the guy doesn't, she feels slutty and used, even though she agreed to be FWB in the first place. And guys are confused because some girls want and expect a courtship ritual, while others get upset if the guy doesn't try to fvck her on the first date, because it makes her feel undesired.

    And ironically, even after all this, we STILL freak out at the briefest glimpse of a nipple on TV, so much so that women feel the need to hide theirs with padded bras and pasties, while at the same time wearing clothes that leave almost their entire boobs on display. It's like we are simultaneously ashamed and proud, or offended and thrilled, by boobs. WTF is that all about?

    What has REALLY stopped happening is people communicating their actual, honest wants and needs with their partners. How many times a day do you read JUST ON THIS WEBSITE where someone comes here and asks "What does she want?" or "What is he thinking?" How the fvck should any of US know? Go COMMUNICATE with that person and ask THEM what they want or what they mean. Why is it so hard to do that for most people today? They're just words!

    • yes absolutely! and it all makes me so sad

  • "I feel like you might be right about somethings you said but monogamy was instated because humans are jealous creatures and doing away with that would just cause more problems not to mention rampant STDs. I don't think humans were designed for serial dating, I feel like my past boyfriends hearts are hanging from my pelt, its as if I have hunted them and are carrying them with me. Weighing me down. And for others, some people don't have the emotional constitution to deal with break ups. "

    But you see, this is all mixed up!

    It isn't Human Nature that we're jealous, but we grow up in a culture that glorifies jealousy!

    Monogamy was instated as an alternative to Polygamy, BACK WHEN PEOPLE MARRIED FOR WEALTH. It's only very RECENT that people began to marry for love. AFTER monogamy already existed. And now, we're found we embrace love only on the terms of a system that was defined for reasons of politics and wealth, which we have no relation to!

    STDs have nothing to do with polyamory. Practice safe sex. Honestly, that's not hard to grasp. Anyway, the idea that polyamory will lead to rampant promiscuity is disgusting. Are you implying that we need Monogamy to operate as an authority to keep us safe from STDs?

    The reason you're so bore-down by past loves is because monogamy forces you to deny them. You're taught to forget about them, to move on. In order to validate your love for somebody, you have to deny all previous love. That's the poison of monogamy - it doesn't recognize love where love arises, and love cannot be fought.

    Anyway, regardless of all of that; most polyamorous people, or people who practice free love, remain for most of their lives with only one or two partners. Promiscuity is a by-product of sexual repression, as I said, people acting their fetishes on other people. Sex, in a Free Love Society, wouldn't be anything like it is now, especially if it operates independantly of Love.

    • I'm not necessarily criticizing polymory in particular, I saw an episode on taboo on national geographic, as long as everyone is happy that's fine. I feel like the serial dating and the friends with benefits scenarios people in our generation is not very psychologically healthy. I feel like you might be right about how I feel about my exs, perhaps in a more open society I could be with all of them, but men do get rather jealous, and so do i. I used to fantasize about having eight husbands.

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    • Yeah. It's so bad. Governments are all like that. This is why I'm an anarchist, you know? You can't possible give a bunch of people such immense power and them not turn to absolute destruction. Like, look at China. The Great Leap Forward was basically, y'know... A way to cope with the famines, trying to organise the farmers. It was really good. It wasn't perfect, but it was honest. And look at it now, man. It's bad.

      That's why I'm trying to say - don't lose your faith in PEOPLE. Most---

    • of the problems you see around you, most of the problems in people, are caused by Power. Whether the education is withheld, or the sicknesses are spread, or more malicious things indeed... But people are good. People are really, really good...

  • Do I think? I KNOW! just look around you, look at TV shows that they showing or music that they are playing or even Movies that they showing! Most of them are Immoral promoting more blood, more casual sex than long term relationship. Listen to music that they are playing ( They singing that killing is bad ass, abusing girls ( betches as they say ) is fun and right, power and money comes first before honestly and respect, basically full obedience to the devil. And you know what the worst thing is, many people don't see that as a wrong thing, not only that but all that is brainwashing younger generation who are 10+ years old AND it is only going to get worse. I'm 25 and I'm already thinking maybe it is not a good idea to have children, I mean why? look in what kind of world we are living in! and it changes faster than even people can comprehend and for worse and darkened future.

    • yeah I know its the Illuminati f***in sh*t up. I like your answer by the way.

    • It is a good idea to have children. If your children are good people , then at least we will have some more good people in this world. Otherwise only the people who don't care about morals are left.

  • I feel that it does damage the new generation. Nowadays most people don't care about long-term relationships. Furthermore, whatever happened to commitment?

    True gentlemen should marry the first person they have a child with. Most people aren't emotionally invested in relationships nowadays. They can't handle it if their significant other complains, etc. Whatever happened to patience and character?

    The online world really messes things up. Women do get worried over text messages, but so do men. People worry about why their significant others haven't responded to their messages, or why the messages are so brief, etc. Whatever happened to face-to-face communication?

    • I like the morality question you put up the way, I think its important to discuss these things so people think twice before they act

  • all of this stuff existed even in the 1920's and 1950's. people are just more open about their sexuality now. instead of staying in miserable marriages.

  • I think so. I think there is so much weight on sex that things go off balance in relationships.

  • I say it has to some degree...the USA seems so sexualized and the dating pool is full of people who can't control their lust and either:

    *avoid relationships, and get involved in a lot of FWB relationships and psychologically damage themselves and self-inflict "baggage" on oneself

    *get into relationships and end up cheating

    *based their relationship more on physical / sexual attraction way more heavily than the personality makeup of the person


    There are so many people in this dating pool with large amounts of baggage...that could've been avoided if he or she was more sexually selective.

    I will admit that I believe EVERY high-drama, unhealthy and high-stress relationship I've witnessed, involved the two people f*cking each other.

    A celibate relationship seems to have way less stress, way less drama, and overall more healthy.

    • ...and don't get me STARTED on the amount of unplanned children that are created in this country because of people not being sexually selective (as in the character makeup of the person, not physical attraction)

    • so so very true!

  • no the problem is the abortions, should be free service, people are forced to have something they really don't want right now because they don't have the money to pay for the abortion.

  • Peak Liberal

    • What I'm saying is; courtship is repressive and demeaning. Todays "hook-up culture" is a bastardized version of Free Love, which got infiltrated by misogyny and pessimism. The Liberal Values, I guess. We don't need to regress to a state of Love Slavery and Person Owndership to get rid of this problem.

      The problem isn't 'Hook Up Culture.' It's the Culture of Shame, and the Glorification of Jealousy. Monogamy needs to stop. Misogyny needs to stop. Capitalism needs to stop. Not this.

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    • Its nice to have a discussion with some one, most people don't "think"

    • Yeah =] Most people just don't *know*, love.

  • you are clueless


What Girls Said 4

  • I think our hook-up culture confuses things, because monogamous people are encouraged to play the field, or do FWB before a relationship (BAD IDEA). Not to mention text messaging is such a lazy form of communication that many people will not even put in the effort to text if they are only in an arrangement for sex, which can be hurtful to people wanting more than a hookup.

    I am personally monogamous. I believe the tendency to be monogamous or not is largely genetic and somewhat influenced by social expectations. While I believe premarital sex is okay (after being in love and in an exclusive, committed relationship), many people do not feel the same and go for multiple partners at a time. I'm fine with the choices that other people make, but I will not succumb to the pressure to settle for less than a full-blown relationship just because it's not really in style these days, or you get labeled as a "prude," being monogamous. I also won't date people who are really into hookup culture, one night stands, etc. because I don't want them to "settle" for a relationship with me.

    So, my point is that people can do what they want, but we shouldn't pressure each other to "be" a certain way. We need to be honest about what we really want, and own it, to avoid confusion and bad matches. Today, more people feel pressure to be less monogamous, while the tables were turned only a few decades ago.

    • I forgot to mention there also seems to be a glorification of lacking feelings for someone yet still being able to have sex with them. I have had an ex who told me that it's a "bad idea" to mix love and sex together. Can't people just accept that some mix love and sex, while others don't, and one isn't better than the other? And then not judge if they want to seek like-minded people? I think that it's expected and yet despised to like romance. That it is "weak and unrealistic" which isn't true.

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    • Good advice. Too bad I can't give a hundred thumbs up.

  • I think there has to be some boundaries and laws when it comes to having sex with people. Yes, two people who are adults and consenting is the "rule" but.. think about it.. two married people wanna have sex.. Is it right? they're both adults.. they both have partners yet they're having sex with each other.. technically what they're doing is a sin.. they're lying to their spouses, committing adultery... and they're letting their "passion" run wild.. I think part of a human being's job is to put temptation on the backburner and FLEE from temptation.. the bible say FLEE from temptation and I definitely see that with lust.. Lust is one of the hardest things to flee from that's why you SHOULD NOT under any circumstances play with fire.. FLEE is the best advice given..

    You're tempted at work with a co-worker? FLEE... anywhere you smell a hint of lust FLEE because before you know it.. you'll go that extra level and your marriage will crumble and everything.. unless you're super strong but not all of us are...

    Anyways besides the point... If you hook up with a person prematurely... Your'e not using your mind.. you're thinking with your prviate parts... lol ... People get pregnant by doing stuff lik ethat... They get STD's doing stuff like that.. They get into bad marriages because instead of getting to know each other slowly they went straight to sex and then get in a dysfunctional relationship ... They get jealous with their FWB starts sleeping with other people... because it's their "territory" like it or not lol

    There is A LOT of drama going with that.. but I usualyl ask "Wouldn't you rather be in a monogamous relationship with somebody you loved?" lol

    AHhh I can give numerous examples... For one I have a family member.. he's already in his 50's but he sleeps around and he continues to create babies.. lol Is that wrong? No it's not but he has so many kids... that he can't take care of all of them.. he has one (from another one) that his sister (my aunt) is taking care of and now he has a newborn to tend to lol... so its all complicated and it sucks for his child that my aunt is taking care of because he doesn't spend time with his dad ...

    If people are involved with sexual lust I do not want to judge them or point fingers at them.. even though I probably am in the above statement.. but honestly for my life... I realize that lust is not somethign to play with.. you gotta FLEE especially if its gonna lead you into a potential sin that could wreck your life or break your heart.. it's NOT worth it in the end. lol

    Am I against sex? No I'm just saying incases where its random hooking up its NOT worth it

  • Honestly,the world says "Go ahead and hook up it really doesn't matter" but a lot of girls or guys get attached to a person when they have sex with them.. you're giving yourself to that person personally and you woudln't like if they hooked up with fifty or a few other girls on the side.. that would hurt you or mak eyou jealous or feel betrayed...

    Its best not to hook up because you may feel used at the end.. or you may not be getting to know the person and who they really are other than whatsin the bedroom

    I don't wanna judge people who do that but for me... I think it' best not to do that stuff and it may harm society that says do whatever you want sexually there has to be some self-control, respect, dignity and honor in a persons life and how they see and treat others

    I don't wanna judge those who do that sorta thing and say "horrible people" but at the same time I wouldn't condone it for myself. It's better to be sexually pure and save yourself for a person you love the most <3 and care about and who cares about you than randomly hooking up with everybody on the block lol

  • Probably. People don't take precaution for stds and unplanned pregnancies. If people were smarter, I probably wouldn't see promiscuity as something disgusting.


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