What does he want from me? It's killing me!

I met this guy three months ago over the holidays when we shared a cab. On the night we met, he immediately texted me afterward and there hasn't been a day since when he hasn't texted me. Just a week after we met, we're basically always holed up in his place all the time, cooking, watching movies. He's made me watch Star Wars too. He also asked to spend New Year's with me, and our planned night-out was a disaster because everything was closed. We ended up ringing in the new year in his apartment - me making a makeshift meal, and he kissed me at exactly midnight. After eating, we were watching star wars in bed, him laying on my chest, and he said out of nowhere that he's very content right now because we were watching star wars, he was full, and because I was running my hand through his hair.

Last month he went back to the States because he needed to arrange some tax forms. He hadn't been there and seen his family in 3 years, but he stayed for all of 3 weeks. I have a history of having Before Sunrise-esque whirlwind romances so I was traumatized already by people leaving. I actually broke down in bed the night before he left but he said he'll be back before I knew it. He also e-mailed me the moment he landed there. On the night when we saw each other again after his return, there was something different. In the dark, he laid on top of me, both of us were clothed, and he slowly kissed my lips, then my nose, then my forehead. And he also ran his fingers through my hair and my cheeks. But he didn't undress me at all.. He'd never done those things before.

I also came with him to a minor surgery and he said he really appreciated it. And he even shared to the doctor some insider jokes about us.

Over time, I started getting tired of not knowing what we were, and sometimes some things come up and I don't know how to react (like when I found an old note with a girl's number on it; he said it was from long ago; I believed because it was a plane note). SO I asked him what he thinks we have & what he expects from me, because sometimes I don't know how to act around him anymore and I can't just be his f-buddy. TO MY SURPRISE: He said that he doesn't think of me as his f-buddy BUT he also doesn't want to pretend that he's ready to commit to a person right now. But he said that if I hook up w other guys then we have no future.

I don't get it: wasn't he the one who texted me everyday? Asked to spend new year w me? Email me when he was away? WHAT'S UP WITH THAT? And whenever I text, arguing about the relationship, he responds right away and we'd have drawn-out arguments. If he really doesn't want anything, why bother?

He's messed up. When I made an impromptu trip because I was burnt out, he insisted that the only reason why I made that trip was to hook up with guys. I said I wouldn't and when I came back I texted that I kept my word. He said the problem wasn't if I'd do it and if he'd believe me but that I left the opportunity for it to happen. UGH! WHAT'S GOING ON?


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What Guys Said 2

  • He doesn't want to be lonely but won't pay the price to go further in a relationship

    He has been burned by gals past that grew bored with him & then searched out other guys

    He is stuck in this place - so move on like the others, I guess!

    • That is so unfair that he is unloading his baggage on me. I get the feeling though that he thinks I'm special. I mean, if all he wants is sex, he can get that anywhere, but he still keeps on coming back. Like today, after a month of not talking to each other, he texted.

    • He won't be fair, only those that will put up with this will stick to him

  • It seems that he really likes you a lot, though he really isn't that open yet for a relationship or doesn't know how to move things forward.

    • So what am I to do?

    • It's up to you whether you want to move on or stay with him until he can be sure of his feelings.

      Though sometimes, waiting will make you wait forever and grow up unmarried.

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