Why do girls always say "I'm fine" when they're not?

Why don't they ever wanna tell you what's bothering them? I can never tell if this girl is fine or not, it's seriously aggravating. Then I apparently make things worse assuming things are wrong and try to help her. It's really selfish of girls, I try to help her and she shoves it in my face and gets mad at me.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sometimes girls don't want help. They just want to stew about it for a bit and get over it on their own, or just want someone to listen. That's hard for guys because they don't like seeing women they care about in pain.

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    • Yes exactly. And it's hard because I worry about what she puts in her head when I leave her alone. She could be thinking things in a whole different way and make the situation worse in her head. That's the part that worries me the most. I just have to trust she's handling what she's handling okay.

    • I find that women just want people to listen to them instead of fixing their own problems or at least they do but they take their delicious damn time with it. As a guy, I see things more like "I've got X problem? OK I will do Y in order to fix it" I don't need anyone to listen to me, although it can help to vent sometimes. It depends. But a guy like me is more result focused whereas women in general, in my experience, are focused on the negative experience itself. Which is kinda weird. lol

    • Also, I went through enough negative sh*t already in my short life, Why waste time feeling bad or using your energy on things that get you no where or that makes you feel bad or that will make your life more miserable. Like feeling bad for kids in africa? F***em. It's sad and unfortunate but that's life. Life isn't rainbows and sunshine. I know this for a fact. So I look for answers. I fix things that need fixing. But never ever help a girl out with her problems lol. Girls are weird ha ha :p

What Girls Said 15

  • Some girls do this, not always and not every girl. But OK.

    Some girls do this because they want you to really care about how they feel, so ask again and again, usually three times. If they still say they're fine, then they don't wanna talk about it. Which brings me to my second reason: they just don't wanna talk about it or it's none of your business, so they just say they're fine to get you off their back. Or, the third reason, they just want you to "know them so well that you just FEEL it when something is wrong", which is lousy and stupid.

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    • Yea very stupid. It's really dumb because I have to guess whether she wants me to talk about it or doesn't and if I pick the wrong one she gets more upset. I hate it, I'm not good at reading her mind yet

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    • That wasn't me down there, but thanks that really helped

    • I know it wasn't, I was just commenting on what he said. You're welcome :)

  • for me, its because the thing I'm upset about is one of two things: something I know you won't think is any reason to be mad, which if I tell you I know you'll say something about it being dumb and then I'll get more mad OR talking about it will just upset me more. "i'm fine" for me means "yes I'm upset as you can probably tell, but the issue can be dealt with later once I am less upset and can talk about it better, don't ask me again until I come to you, and please change the subject by kissing me and telling me something so sweet I smile :) "

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  • F.I.N.E.

    F***ed up

    Insecure

    Neurotic

    Emotional

    She might want you to leave her alone or ask more about what's wrong, but you're probably safe asking -I know you aren't OK, but I don't know if you want me to stay or go.. can you give me a hint-

    When I say that I just want someone to notice that I'm not OK. A hug would be often be good too.

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  • That's our way of showing we're NOT fine lol. We kind of expect the other person to get that, and most of the time we do want to talk about it . . but you need to let us cool down first. What can I say, we're just very emotional lol.

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    • Yea, I've definitely realized that lol. You girls really shut out the true meaning of the phrase "I'm fine" lol

    • Lolol, I know. But you're just gonna have to deal with it in some way. Many guys I know . . don't even want to talk about their feelings lol. They just go to the gym ..lmao. So, it's not only girls who have a problem. But, it honestly depends on the person. When I'm mad, I DO want to talk about it. Especially if it's something that's really bothering me . . I go on rants. But, it has to be someone that I trust with my feelings lol.

  • I think it has a lot to do with how girls are socialized. We are taught (or were, I see this trend is dying) that it is un-feminine to be angry or to assert ourselves for fear of seeming too aggressive. We are (or were) taught that "negative" emotions are unbecoming and that "nice girls" who want to be "ladies" don't express those emotions. I agree that it is very difficult for a man to figure out what he should do when a girl is clearly upset but will not or can not communicate the cause for her displeasure. I can see why you would call it selfish, but maybe it's not so much that as her upbringing. It's not fair to either gender, but I believe more often than not, this is the case.

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  • For me personally, I usually say "I'm fine" when I am not, because I am scared that I am going to break into tears if I start saying what is going on in my brain. Problem is, I get a lot of anxiety and am sensitive, so if something is bothering me, I usually with bust out crying. I try to do the crying in private though, so if I do not trust the person asking me then I lie and say I'm fine. Now, if I do trust the person I will usually tell them or at least give them a shortened version of what's wrong. Except for if we are in public, because if it is my boyfriend I have a problem about and he asks what's wrong I don't want to embarrass him in public, so I'll tell him later what the problem was.

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  • Girls are very sensitive and emotional if she says nothing bothering her and you know for sure something is it means she doesn't want you to know because she's either scared to tell you, or worried that your gonna blow it out of proportion and be upset. To me the main reason why girls say nothing is wrong is because they wanna see how much you really care about them. Next time this happens just grab her and hold her tight. Tell her how much you care and kiss her until she smiles and if she still pushes you away at least you know you tried.also try talking to her about it

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    • Yea she lives far away so I have to text her a lot. What should I text her?

  • If I'm saying "I'm fine" I'm not so much fine as I want you to leave me alone. Generally if I'm saying that to a person they're my problem and I don't want to talk about it at that point.

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  • I generally avoid this "I'm fine" phrase. If I have something on my mind, I come right out and I say it. This includes my feelings. The only times I'll clam up about how I'm really feeling is if I don't know the person asking how I'm feeling, or if I feel like I've already been enough of a burden to that person that week haha.

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  • May they just don't want anyone to worry about them, that's why I always tell people I'm fine because I don't want people to worry about me.

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  • Sometimes it's a nice way of saying "leave me alone NOW." But I would rather say the latter, haha.

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  • Deep down, they want you to keep prodding (but not in an annoying way), to stay there and comfort them and let them know you care. If a girl says "I'm fine" she's anything but :)

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  • Usually, we are to mad to make death threats sound comedic, so "I'm fine" is a lot easier.

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    • Yea but can't you girls just say. I'm a little upset but ill be OK, don't worry or no, I'm not OK, just leave me alone for a bit ok? What's so hard about that?

    • Nope, again a million different things are speeding through our minds. It woukd take to long to say what we want with tack and that makes it even more frustrating. "I'm fin" is simple. Just leave her alone. I would think that you have had experience with girls to know that is the sign

    • I knew what I'm fine meant when girls say it and I've only been in one other relationship but I know somethings always usually wrong, the problem I've had was trying to handle it because I really like this girl and want to comfort her

  • there can be a lot of reasons.

    Not wanting you to worry about her, being scared that you'll look at her differently because 'girls are supposed to be perfect and problemsolvers and never have personal issues. Maybe it's a big problem and she doesn't want anyone to know or to get involved. Maybe she's confused about soemthing involving you. Sometimes it is to make things seem less dramatic because guys never show emotions so it does seem annoying that we can't help but show them sometimes. Sometimes its the time of the month and everything is just driving her mad but she knows that's the reason.

    And so many more. lol hope this kinda helps.

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  • I usually make it pretty obvious when I'm mad, haha! I'll say "it's fine" AFTER I've made my anger known, when I no longer want to talk about it.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Maybe because she wants you to know if she is fine or not by your self to feel her pain, suffer or what ever is the problem , By doing that she believes you care about her or let's say you feel her pain or what ever it is because she mean something for you .

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  • a lot of people in general do that, not just girls...

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