So people say if you want to hurt yourself or kill yourself you showed tell someone. So I did. Now my mother knows (like I'm three or something) and all the concern and attention is doing is making me want to more. I felt very calm and over my bad episode by the time I went to sleep then my mom calls me at one in the morning all nuts about everything and made me make a "contract" that I wouldn't cut until I got back from vacation. As soon as I hung up I started cutting before then all I did was cry then went to sleep. Why do people say people knowing is better when it jut drives me closer and closer to the edge?
The more people step in the more I want to pull away
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Why is it making you so sad knowing people care about you? They don't want you to hurt yourself, let alone kill yourself. I think you should be happy that people care, if they wouldn't care you'd feel so much worse.
Ok, the plan of your mom about the contract isn't such a good idea, that won't stop you. It's important to know why you harm yourself and why you feel so bad. Is there anything someone can help with? Or maybe seek professional help, because harming yourself won't solve anything. It's easy to say you should stop it, but it's difficult, it's like an addiction.
Try to get everyone that knows about it together and talk about it. Tell them how you feel about the harm, how you feel about their "meddling" and maybe try to look for solutions for the self harm. As in: if you cut yourself because you feel emotional pain, maybe someone will be wanting to help you to handle with that pain so you won't need to cut yourself. Try to go one day without self harm and see how you "evolve" in dealing with things without self harm.0
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