What's he thinking?

Been friends for 4 years, but a very flirty friendship. Him and his ex split 13 years ago but she still makes his life hell. He was engaged once after her but she broke his heart. He swore off women. But since xmas, we have become a lot closer. I spent Xmas and new years with his family. His mom loves me, says I'm her daughter and she accepts me. Even asked if we are having babies. His 17yr old son loves me and asks us both when we are going to start dating. His dad likes me and he doesn't like too many people. I go to family functions now. And he only buys gifts for his kids, but I got one at xmas. He told me I'm his mom's favorite.

He keeps his walls up though because he even admitted how hard it is to open his heart because it's been broken too many times. He can only open up after a few drinks. On new years, he opened up to me, and it was so hard for him, I thought he was going to cry. But he told me how important I am to him and he is afraid of losing me. A few weeks ago when I left his place, he walked me out and was kissing me and tried to say something again but couldn't. He just laughed nervously and joked that he hated me. I said no, I think you kind of like me, and he smiled and kissed me again. He accepts all my flaws and makes me feel so beautiful and the level of intimacy we have is like nothing I have ever had before. When he spends the night, he wraps himself around me and snuggles me in before going to sleep and it's the best feeling ever!

But here's the twist. Unless I initiate things, they don't happen. He never calls me to get together. I just show up at his place, which he told me is my home too. He never replies to texts, which he does to everyone, but it irritates the hell out of me. His cousin's wife, who is one of his best friends, told him we should all vacation together and he said no and not to push that envelope. I'm not sure if that meant never or let him get there in his own time. When we are alone or with his family, it's great. But when others are around, I'm all of a sudden his "buddy". And after we spend an evening together, his good mood the next day is very apparent.

I just don't know how to read all this. I've wanted this since I met him and it has gone at warp speed since xmas. But his walls are still up. Help! Thanks!
Update, things are going very well. He's started calling more, finally opened up about his broken heart, said it's still closed off but starting to open. We've been spending a lot of time together. He told me that he wants me to spend all future Christmas's with him. He has starting making plans for my house. He brought me dinner to work the other night. His son told me he wants me to be his stepmom. And he tells me all the time his son tells him that. Not a couple but closer!


Most Helpful Guy

  • He hesitates to accept a offcial relationship status because he is't sure he can handle the pressure of it. It hasn't worked for him before. You may find he will alays have walls up, and only gradually will he accept a formalized status of any kind..such as marriage.

    But probably, he won't resist forever. You will need all your patience.

    • Thank you for your comment. Just like the guy who commented before you, helps me feel less crazy. I've been told I have the patience of a saint so far but he's worth the wait :)

    • Just go gentle with him..he will spook if he thinks you're manipulating him!

      What a delicate situation! Good luck!

    • UPDATE: Slowly and carefully, that's the best approach. Good luck!

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What Guys Said 2

  • Wow. This guy is like dug deep in an emotional bunker,with surrounding 16 ft concrete block wall topped with razor wire. He's going to need some serious work and time. If you can invest the effort and have the time and tolerate the disappointments along the way, it sounds like the rewards will be worth it - like restoring a vintage car, you'll have a collectors item when you're done.

    • Thank you, that helps me feel less crazy about all this. He's worth the time and effort. :)

  • It looks to me like he has feelings for you, but is reluctant to put all in, afraid his heart will be broken once again.


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