Is there anything I can do to feel more comfortable around my boyfriend?

I'm really shy. I get nervous a lot. I feel comfortable aroundy boyfriend but he really wants to kiss me (he told me he does) and I just don't feel that comfortable around him yet. I really want to kiss him but I also don't. 95% of me says yes go for it and the other 5% says no.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you want to be more comfortable around your boyfriend, you need to get to the heart of your insecurities. Is there something that you're afraid will happen? A response that you are afraid of getting? Are you afraid of being hurt? Being out of control? Being vunerable? These are all completely normal emotions. Trust me, he's nervous too!

    Sometimes being nervous is natural, and that's fine. But there also comes a time when being nervous stems from past experiences or fears, and that's when it needs to be addressed. When you're in a relationship with someone and aren't ready to kiss them, that isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it could lead to problems if the relationship doesn't progress for both people. Answer me this: If you kiss him, what is the worst that could happen? And I don't mean to be rhetorical here. Litterally, what is the worst thing that will happen? Think of what really terrifies you about kissing him, and then try and come up with a few reasons why. Come up with the worst thing that you can imagine happening when you kiss him, and then write it down. Read it. Will this really happen? COULD it really happen? And more importantly, why are you concerned with this event? There might be some fears that you need to adress, or events that you need to come to terms with.

    If this is about your boyfriend:

    - Is there something about him that makes him unkissable? Are you attracted to him? Are you attracted to other men, but not him? What about men in general? Does it have anything to do with his hygeine? Is he coming on too strong? Did he make you mad? etc.

    If he's doing all the right things, but you're just nervous about kissing in general:

    As far as physical intimacy goes, everyone has comfort levels. And being sexual in any way wth a new person can be terrifying, especially if you have any sort of anxiety towards it. Have you kissed or been intimate with a man before? Have you had any bad experiences that might be making you nervous about sex or physical intimacy? If you've had a bad experience (or worse) with a guy, that can make it very hard to build a trusting physical relationship. If this is the case, you need to talk to your boyfriend about it. If you are going to be in a relationship, you need to be a team. He has his issues too, so don't ever be afraid to put yours on the table. By letting him know what you're nervous about and why, he will understand that this isn't about him. And let him know what he can do to help you move forward. If you've never had any bad sexual experiences, and you're still afraid to kiss him, then talk to someone who can help you come to terms with what you're feeling. Take it slow and don't rush it. But unless both parties in a relationship are either waiting till marriage, uninterested in sex altogether, or not attracted to each other, physical intimacy is important. You're with him for a reason. If you aren't feeling a spark with this guy, than he's not the right guy.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • You should spend more time with your boyfriend.

    Kiss his cheeks first, forehead, then others.

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What Girls Said 3

  • In some respects, when trying something new you'll never be 100% comfortable with it. There will always be a little insecurity because its a new experience, its unavoidable. The way to progress is to push through the tiny bit of insecurity left and go for it. Then you'll realize it was all fine and will then be 100% comfortable.

    If your unsure because of a more deep-rooted insecurity then you'll obviously need to work at that first, like has already been mentioned.

    Its unnatural to feel 100% sure before a new experience, so as long as your 90%+ it'll be fine. Like with my boyfriend, I was kinda worried about kissing him for the first time (was my first kiss also) but I knew I wanted to and knew the first one was clearly going to be awkward because its new to me. He knew that too so didn't rush me, although he also tried to encourage me and make me feel more comfortable.

    Basically, make sure your boyfriend knows why your insecure and as long as its not something more serious (where you could really cause more problems) just go for it!

    Hope that helps! :)

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  • How long have you been with him? If you're so hesitant about kissing him that it's stopping you, it doesn't sound like you're attracted enough to him. I've only had this with one guy I dated, and the fact was I only liked his personality, I just wasn't and never would be physically attracted to him!

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  • Just go with it. It will be easier after the first kiss.

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