How do you watch someone be a pushover and be okay with it?

My mom is a complete pushover. She lets people walk all over her all the time. My siblings know that if they bug her for long enough, eventually she'll give in. Even her boyfriends have used her because of this. And she just lets it happen.

It is the most frustrating thing to me. For a while, I was kind of like her, probably because I grew up seeing how she was and I became a pushover too, but I realized what was happening and stopped it. My mom, however, is 55 years old and I'm tired of seeing her get walked all over.

I have tried to talk to her about it and she gets defensive, so I just try not to say anything now. I know people have to change for themselves, so all I can do is hope that someday she'll open her eyes, put her foot down, and learn to say no. But in the meantime, how do I watch this continue and be okay with it?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You'll be okay with it when you stop caring. But that's not an option. Fact is, she's old (and wise) enough to know what she's doing and getting into. There must be a reason for this, why she's such a push over. Think back when you changed, what made you change? How did you change? Why were you a push over? Like if something drastic happened and you just thought: "f' this, I need to stand up for myself because nobody else will", something like that. The moment where you had your click.

    If you know the reason why she's like this, try to fight it together with her. Like maybe she does it to please everyone, or she may think people won't love her anymore if she says no.

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  • There's unfortunately no comfortable way to watch this. My mother is a very bold woman, but there are a lot of ways in which she lets people walk all over her. Like you, I used to be this way, so I recognize it. Once you bring it to their attention, that is really all you can do. Now it's up to them to advocate for themselves. The painful thing is, this very well may not happen. I've been consistently bringing it up to my mother for years, but there are certain relationships she has with people that I'm starting to learn she will never sever, even if they are toxic to her.

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  • I don't know but my mother was the same way and she got walked all over and she always taught me to be very nice, kind, trusting, and humble to people but never never taught me how not to be walked over. So eventually of course I had that experience in jobs, school, and other situations so I ended up learning the hard way.

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