So should I tell my boyfriend now or wait till holidays?

Imma keep this as short as possible since I don't usually ask qs like this...

I have a boyfriend of almost 2 years but bout a month ago I started losing those feelings of love and sorta began to c him as a brother.

Anyways I met this guy recently... Omg he's amazing:/ like he fits personalities with me so well and I like him ALOT.

My boyfriend still feels I have feelings for him and he knows nothing bout this other guy. This other dude likes me btw.

Before anyone judges me iv had no control over how iv felt and I do feel messed up yet I do feel that I should move on into a new relationship with this person.

I would tell my 'bf' but wer halfway theu semester and I don't want him to get distracted if I break the news now, yet if I wait it out that's not good either:( all that I'm sure of is that I want to be done with it but I'm really afraid:( I hate hurting people but my heart is in another place now and I can't lead him on like this:/

I am 100% sure bout the new guy and that he wiuld be bettr for me. So should I tell my boyfriend now or wait till holidays?

Ur help would mean SO much to me btw

Thank you! X

Thank you everyone:) and why did they change my question lol
hey everyone, just thought id let you know that I broke it off last night and iv moved on... thank you for your advice=]


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm not judging you. I understand. It doesn't sound like you cheated, yet, anyway, which is also good. Plus, you're right, you can't help how you feel. Emotions are not something you can control. Nobody can. We can only control what we do with them.

    I don't think you have any choice in this matter, though. I think you need to tell your boyfriend now, and I think you need to break his heart. Holding out is not fair to either of you, and stringing him along is only going to make things worse for you, and god only knows what will happen in the meantime. Plus, it really doesn't matter when you tell him, he's going to be devastated, and there is no convenient time to break up with anybody. None. There's always something going on. Always a holiday, or a job or work, or something close by in the near future. Somethings always happening.

    All in all, there is no good time to do this, and this is not a situation that will get better. So, unfortunately all you can do now is just treat this like ripping off a bandage. Do it quick and hard, so the pain isn't prolonged or dragged out. It will actually do him a kindness. Plus it would be better for you.

    So just tell him now. It's better for all of you.

    • Thanks so much you made me feel less hatred towards myself.. I hate breaking up tho iv never done it before:(

      It is unfair and id rather do it sooner than later. I haven't gone official with the other guy, hell no but I know I love him:/

      Guess I should face the inevitable.. It sucks. Thanks man for not judging me as well

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    • The opposite. I give answers anonymously, and go public later.

    • Gahhh I swear that's what I meant then I came out retarded in writing haha, my bad:/

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 8

  • I'm really sorry that you find yourself in this situation, but if you are absolutely sure about what you are wanting to do, then I can only suggest that you take action as soon as possible. It's unfair on your current boyfriend to lead him along (not that you're doing it intentionally of course!)and make him feel that everything is OK when you know for sure that you don't have those feelings for him anymore and your heart is elsewhere.

    The timing might not be ideal, but then again, when is it ever ideal! I think that if you've made your decision in your mind, then you should act upon it as soon as is reasonably possible. You must feel awful and awkward every time you are with your boyfriend knowing how you are really feeling and that he has no idea, so it's best you resolve this situation as soon as possible.

    Exactly how you intend to break that news to him, I do not know... I just know that once you're certain of something, then you're best dealing with it as soon as you can.

    Again, I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation and it must be awful for you right now, but hopefully once you have dealt with it and have moved on to this new relationship, you will feel much better!

    By the way, if it makes you feel any better, there's nothing you have written that anyone could judge you on or anything that you have done wrong. This is something that can happen to anyone and is completely natural, as awful as it can be and feel.

    I wish you all the luck in the world in dealing with this and with your new relationship, if that's what ends up happening. Please feel free to ask me anything if you need further help or advice on this situation... :o)

    • Ps. Given that you have been with this guy for nearly 2 years, I would definitely say that you should do this face to face and think in advance about what you are going to say and how you are going to respond to some obvious and inevitable questions. Once again though, I wish you the best of luck with this and hopefully this situation will work out for the best... :o)

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    • yeh man so sorry=/

      thanks for your help man=]

    • You're most welcome! :o)

  • The sooner the better, nobody is going to judge you. It's not good to stay with him for the sole reason that you don't want to hurt him though.

    Honestly it's going to hurt him anyway any time you do it, so you should rip the band aid off as fast as possible and let him heal.

    Just tell him everything you told us, that you fell out of love with him.

    • yeh that's what I thought too.. I don't wanna be with someone because of sympathy.. so not kool of me=/

      ur very right... well thank you for your help... I really don't wanna do it now but I guess it just has to be done=/

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    • Honestly, I don't believe it when you say the other guy understands. He MIGHT say he does, but I know if he cares about you at all he feels TERRIBLE that you are still with him.

      If I were him I honestly wouldn't date someone like that, and I'm certain he might start to resent you if you carry this out to long.

      Hows it gonna affect his grades? YOU ARE ALREADY DISTRACTING HIM BY BEING WITH HIM! Rip that band aid off.

    • no he does! if he didn't he wouldn't wait for me to be done with the relationship right? he does feel bad yes, it hurts him yes, but he knows that he's gotta wait for me to b done with the other guy because I ain't no slut lol

      oh gee thanks haha, its not like I could help it... but yeh I'm not gonna drag it out long don't worry. like you said I gotta rip off the band aid.

      very true. thanks

  • 1. I'd say wait till the holidays to break it

    2. Break it gently but real fast

    3. Don't expect anything cause reactions could swing eitherway

    4. Whichever way it goes reactions are general and normal, so guess it's ok

    5. What you think is correct - no point in leading on someone when your heart and mind is not at it

    6. Don't know how your boyfriend thinks but you better be ready for emotional and social whiplashes

    7. The new guy - well that's another situation and arena altogether :)

  • Since you have 7 weeks I'd advise you to tell him ASAP and the more honest you are the easier it is to understand

  • If you do not care for him like that anymore just end it with him, not point in dragging it on without him knowing. I think everyone else basically summed it up anyway.

  • just want to add. you may want to wait a little bit before making this new relationship with the new guy public. its just to let your current boyfriend heal for a bit.

    i know most people who've been dumped would want that

  • I am flattered but my heart belongs to Louise Abbott. <3

  • Just don't do it before any exams, my ex dumped be right before final exams during high school and it f**ked up my results and my head.

    • Same thing happened to me .Night before an Important exam.

    • Ok well we have a mid semester break that goes for a week, thatd b OK right?

What Girls Said 2

  • I'd advice you to break up with as soon as you find a chance to. Don't put it off saying to yourself 'not now I have to find a good opportunity'. Leaving it too late will only complicate it more. Your 100% sure you like this new guy, sit down with your boyfriend tell him the truth. It will hurt him, he might feel betrayed but at least he won't have to hear it from someone else or who knows I'm not saying your a bad girl but sometimes situations arise where we lose control if you know what I'm referring to. So it's better telling him now than later because he could see it as you cheating on him

    • i understand completely, thanks girl... would you consider this cheating? :(

      but your very right and looks like ill have to do it sooner rather than later.

      thank you x

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    • QA: this is pretty much the opposite of cheating. at least you had the courage and dignity to break it off and not cheat.

    • thanks Ultima:)

  • I think the best thing to do is be as honest as possible. It might hurt him, but if he found out you were with him and didn't want to be with him, that would hurt him even more.

    • Yeh I understand, do you think I should tell him now? I'm so scared its not funny...

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    • That's the best thing you could do. Well, good luck. :)

    • Thanks heaps girl, ill need it:/