A Man Followed Me Home In The Middle Of The Night

I rarely go out to party late at night, and it’s even more rare for me to get home way past midnight. Usually when I party, I prefer to go out in the evening around 6 or 7, and get home by 11. It’s partially because I don’t drink and dislike being around really drunk people (the amount of alcohol consumed seems to correlate with how late it is), but also because I enjoy getting to bed at a reasonable time and not let one evening of fun fuck up my sleeping schedule for the rest of the week. But I digress.

This evening was different. I hadn’t gone out in a while. A lot of my friends were going. The venue was actually very nice looking compared to some of the dumps I’ve seen in the past. I was really looking forward to going out with my friends and having a blast, which I did. We danced until almost 3 in the morning. Two of my friends were staying to party a little longer, and another one of my friends was taking a cab home. I decided to walk since I only lived about 10 minutes away. Later I regretted that I didn’t take that cab with my friend.

Not more than a couple of minutes after leaving the venue did I get approached by a guy on a bike. He came up to me from behind, and asked a question about where place X was. During the day, I’m used to giving people directions, so my instinct was to respond. And my initial thought was that since he was on a bike and asked for directions, he must have been going somewhere and genuinely didn’t have any interest in chitchatting or being creepy. But I was wrong. I started giving directions, but he hopped off his bike and told me that he knows where place X is. Then he quickly changed the conversation. I started walking again, and he started following me. He asked me for directions simply because it was a way for him to “harmlessly” approach me and get me to respond, even though he didn’t need any directions at all. He trapped me into a conversation with him and started following me without even asking if it was ok.

The guy was very talkative. He talked a lot about himself and his own opinions. And I just walked silently next to him, nodding my head occasionally or muttering a “mhm”. I figured that maybe he would see my disinterest and leave me alone, but he didn’t. He kept following me. And like I said earlier, I lived somewhat close to where the party was, so we started getting closer and closer to where I lived. And I definitely didn’t want to reveal this to a guy who thinks it’s ok to follow a girl home at three in the morning while forcing a conversation onto her.

As we were getting closer to my place, it got harder for me to focus on the conversation (or, well, the monologue). I started thinking about what I should do if things were to turn ugly. What I should say and how I should act to not provoke this man. This man, that I knew nothing about. Did he have a history of aggression and abuse? I didn’t know. What was his personality like? Well, right off the bat he came off as manipulative (pretending to need directions just to open a conversation about something else) and self-centered or narcissistic (only talking about himself and his own opinions). And that’s not good. Narcissistic people tend to not have a problem with using manipulation, and possibly force, to get what they want. Could I outrun him? Possibly, it didn’t seem like his stamina was the best since he did get very out of breath while we were walking up a short hill. But then again, he did have the upper hand since he had a bike. I could have started screaming if things turned ugly. But there was almost nobody around. And I’d read that article about how there were like 40 witnesses to a rape that was broadcasted live on facebook, but none of them called the cops.

What if that happened to me if I started screaming? It’s very common for bystanders to expect someone else to intervene…

All those thoughts were rushing through my head. I tried to calculate every possible outcome, what I should and shouldn’t do. After all this was a stranger, I had no way of knowing how he would react and if he would get violent.

I remember one part of the conversation very clearly. He started talking about how he thinks he’s a great guy. That he’s just doing me a favor by walking me home. That other guys would take advantage of the situation and the fact that I was alone. When he said “take advantage”, he took a quick and threatening step towards me to make a point. It scared the shit out of me. He held eye contact with me with a blank stare for a second, but then his lips broke out into a smirk.

But I wouldn’t do that.

Fucking creep.

After 5 minutes of him talking about himself, he started asking me questions. Seeing as how he’d had this massive monologue about nothing but himself, I wasn’t really prepared for him shifting his attention to me. He asked me what my name was. I lied and told him my name was Charlotte – the first random name that came to mind. My real name would be way too easy for him to find on facebook. Then he asked me what I’m studying and what school I go to. I lied about that as well. I tried my best to keep my cool.

So, we were coming dangerously close to where I live. Luckily, we’d taken a route that ended with two options: either take a bunch of stairs to get to another street, or keep walking around the neighborhood. When we reached the stairs, I thought I could try to naturally end the conversation, and that he would maybe feel a sense of acceptance because he had his bike and maybe didn’t want to carry it down all the stairs. I felt quite clever. I stopped by the stairs and politely told him that I could walk home from here. He looked confused, but then asked me for my contact information – facebook, number, anything. I remembered how he’d told me I was beautiful and pretty, right at the beginning of the conversation when he had hopped off his bike. I had taken that as him showing his intentions (he was not just looking for a friend in the middle of the night, he probably never would have approached another guy in that way). So, I turned him down, letting him know that I had a boyfriend.

He rolled his eyes. “Obviously” that wasn’t why he had approached me, complimented me and started following me home at 3 am. He started ranting about how the people in my country always keep to themselves, never want to interact with strangers, and that we look funny at anyone who tries to be social. These things are true to an extent, the people of my country are pretty shy and introverted, but considering the context of the situation (strange guy following girl home at 3 am), I don’t see how this was relevant at all. The conversation started to turn ugly. He started implying that he had done me a favor by following me home. That the people in my country “always take but never think of giving back”, making sure to tell me that he was “of course speaking in a general sense” and not directing this at me. He tried to make me feel bad for turning him down, and tried to manipulate me into thinking that I owe him something, like my number. I stayed silent during his rant.

Then he said something along the lines of “I would even prefer it if you just gave me your number or your facebook but didn’t contact me”. I started boiling on the inside. First, this man forced a conversation with me and started following me home in the middle of the night, without even asking me if it was ok. I NEVER asked him to follow me or to talk to me. And after that he somehow still felt self-entitled, as if I owed him for this super “gentlemanly gesture” that I never even wanted in the first place. And as if that wasn’t enough, he was hypocritical enough to claim that it would be even “better” if I gave him my contact info but then ignored him. For the first time during these 10-15 minutes of being followed home, I didn’t care about my own safety. I snapped.

“So you would prefer to have someone be dishonest with you?” I asked.

“What?” he said, confused.

I’m standing here being honest with you, I don’t want to give my contact information. How is that worse than me giving my contact info but then ignoring you? Isn’t it better than I’m being upfront about what I want?

He was silent for a few seconds, but then started giving excuses. Quite frankly I don’t even remember what his response was, because it didn’t make any sense. At this point we had been standing by the stairs for like 5 minutes, most of which I had spent listening to him rant, him trying to make me feel guilty. It had already taken us about 15 minutes to get there because he had been walking so slowly with his bike. I would have already been home by now if this jackass hadn’t started following me home.

When his excuses came to a natural pause, I interrupted him. “Thank you for your perspective. Good night.”

I turned around and started walking down the stairs. He shouted at me, “Hey Charlotte, if you ever see me, don’t be afraid of coming up to me.”

I laughed silently to myself. Not because it had been a funny encounter. Not because I was excited at the thought of seeing him again. But because this douche actually thought that I would ever willingly walk up to him if I saw him.

In the end, I was lucky enough to not have anything happen to me. But those 15-20 minutes of uncertainty were horrible. I was so scared. Constantly trying to read his body language and figure out what my next move would be. And even when he had left, I was still looking over my shoulder to make sure that he wasn’t following me anymore, that he wouldn’t end up knowing where I live. What angers me the most is knowing that he probably doesn’t even remember me anymore. That I’m the one stuck with this scary memory that makes me angry every time I think about it. That he will never stop to think about how narcissistic and gross his actions were. That he will probably do this to other girls in the future.

I know now not to say shit to strange men at night. No eye contact. No response. I will keep walking, have my head held high and focus on the road in front of me. Maybe I’ll even go as far as calling someone I know and talk to them while walking home. My safety is worth more than a stranger’s ego. It’s sad that I had to learn that through a situation like this, but now I’m just thankful that I got rid of him safely.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow that’s a pretty crappy experience, sorry to hear you went through such a thing.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Lol @ the responses that are like “well this is why women shouldn’t go out alone at night.”

    Mmm, no. This is why we have to teach men to be better people, and to recognize that this behaviour is creepy, terrible and unwanted.

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    • Thissssss. Literally all these men commenting shit like that are proving this very point.

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    • @lovelyhoneybones furthermore, not going out at night alone doesn’t prevent women from getting attacked by men. It just prevents YOU from getting attacked. You are essentially just passing the buck.

      “Can’t control men, amirite? But who cares if anyone else gets hurt, as long as it isn’t me!” —you

    • Thank you Astoriana for being so sensible. ❤️

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What Guys Said 56

  • I hate that all of these guys are just telling you "well you shouldn't have stayed out so late" or "you shouldn't be out alone at night" when clearly you weren't doing anything wrong- it was the man who was. Unfortunately I don't have any suggestions on how to avoid this other than to tell these men to quit being pigs, but as they're swine they probably don't understand language or basic decency.

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    • Thank you for being logical about this. I shouldn’t have to hide at home just because I’m scared of what some man *might* do to me. That’s not healthy, both for me personally but also on a societal level. Next time I’ll call someone if I have to walk, or take a taxi. It’s shitty that I have to correct *my* behavior when it was the guy who was doing the wrong thing, but as long as there are men out there who behave like this, I guess women will just have to be extra careful.

    • that guy is The result of an Atari programmer doing too much coke back in the early '80s.

  • Interesting. No one has to ask for your permission to talk or follow you home. No one can enter your home without your permission, but anyone can talk and follow. Someone riding a bike at 3am on a quiet street is definitely weird/unusual. Never give strangers personal information unless you know they are trustworthy. You played it cool so that's good. Lucky those stairs were there to prevent him from following you all the way home. It's alright though. No need to fear. If you ever get into a physical fight with a stranger, the easiest way to escape is to poke them in the eye if you are close enough to reach. They will be in pain and distractiin for a few seconds which will give you a headstart to run away or defend yourself even more if necessary. I'm a martial artist.
    What I suggest doing now is telling your friends about this guy so they can be aware of him.

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  • Some men have no social calibration what-so-ever. They are the missing stair that people claim have "good intentions" but in reality, are going about things in the worst way possible. These kind of guys blame Aspergers or some those form of autism, but I am guessing many of these guys don't even have that disorder, they are just that clueless. Social cues aren't all that hard to read when you aren't self-centered and use some common sense.

    Like you said, walking by yourself at 3am, with no signs that you'd interested in talking to anyone, should have been clear that it wasn't okay to impose himself on you.

    Yes, it is true, some guys lament the fact that they are unsure when it is okay to approach a woman they are interested in, whether they should wait for signs of interest first or just take a chance. However, it isn't approaching that is the problem, it is knowing when, where, and how to approach in an appropriate manner.

    Being friendly isn't the problem. I feel this is a classic case of entitlement, but I also feel many guys who do have social issues don't feel entitled or act entitled in this way, but rather cut themselves off. This guy was on the opposite end of the spectrum it would seem; not unfriendly and closed off, but rather, friendly with an ego-driven selfish agenda.

    It is the spiritual consciousness that continues this transferring of suffering. It is why Jesus said on the cross, "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do". It is because we all have worth as human beings, even this man with the creepy behavior, and it was his ego that was controlling him, and that is insanity.

    If another situation like this arises, I would ask "what do you want from me?" This shows that you want or need nothing from him and that you recognize that he is trying to take something from you rather than giving something you are receptive to.

    The ego is a terrible monster. Men tend to struggle with it far more than women and it could be that is why we see men being controlled by it.

    I am so sorry you had to go through this. As a man I could not imagine this sort of fear, although I have my own fears, they are mostly self-created and are illusions. This was a real possible threat to your life.

    I wish you joy and a freedom from the past that will help you live in the present. To stay aware, for all us to be aware.

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    • *spiritual UNconsciousness

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    • That starts with forgiveness of the person, forgiveness of ourselves, but also knowing that the behavior itself is not a part of our identity as people. THAT could get him to stop the insanity. THAT is what all problems in this world require to be overcome.

    • So next time, tell the unconscious person, "what do you want from me?" or better yet, "what do you want?" or even better yet, "Is there anything you need?"

      Heck, that is a question we should be asking ourselves every so often. "Right now, at this very moment, is there anything that I am lacking?" and "What is it that I truly need right now?"
      I am betting most people wouldn't be able to think up an immediate answer. Only until the ego comes into play that is when we conjure up wants, needs, and desires. At this very moment, we need NOTHING. We are all we need.

  • So i take it the guy not from your country.

    Where was he from, do you have any idea?
    I actually think its better to a degree if people just minded their own business. I sure as hell dont want other people judging me or have an opinion on my life. F*ck them and their opinions.

    I hope that will never happen to you again. Stay safe 😊. Dont be ashamed to take a cab with a friend or walk in a group at night. Depending on the area, anyone could be vulnerable.

    And i hate guys like that as well. Usually guys won't bother me at night, but there are guys who are manipulative and try to make it look like you owe them something during conversations or just regular meetings. That is a very desperate and predatory mentality. I didn't quite recognize it when i was younger, and altough i never got taken advantage of, those people always ended up making me feel like shit. I knew, that i hadn't really done anything wrong, but they just were so self centered and manipulative that they made it look that way. I got over that and went trough a phase where i called them out whenever they tried that bs on me or anyone else i know. They responded quite aggressively, or responded by acting hurt or sad, to which i would then respond with a smug grin or a chuckle, which in turn got them aggressive.
    Of course, once they get aggressive i counter with aggressiveness on my own. You would not believe the rage and how offended they feel at that.

    I got into a few scuffles and one major fight over this sh*t. I usually avoid confrontation, but there is just something about these guys that makes me wanna instigate an asswhooping whenever i see such behaviour.
    Im over it now, and now, i figured basically ignoring them, and being stoic is the best way to avoid them. They lose interest real quick when you just avoid.

    You did the right thing. Dont make it hard on yourself. Obviously you made good choices and got home safe. And yes ignoring them, is the better option.

    Im not a woman and i get that you were in a very vulnerable situation, but in a way, this does kinda hit home for me, as i have experienced minor versions of this, multiple times.

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    • Thank you for your kind and insightful comment. And yeah, the guy was a foreigner. He sounded American.

    • I see. 'muricans... 😂😂 jk

  • That is the unfortunate state of society today.

    The problem isn't so much "men". The reality is that there are predatory people in the human population, and it affects all people - not just women. Some predators prefer sexual crimes, others prefer violent crimes, and some just want to steal your property and money.

    A person, regardless of sex, age, etc... needs to look out for their own well-being. In an ideal world, everyone would be safe, but the world is not ideal.

    This is why people lock their homes at night because they understand that there are thieves out there who will take the opportunity if presented with one.

    This is why people don't walk down dingy poor areas of town, flashing valuables and cash because they're probably going to get mugged.

    This is why people watch over their children at playgrounds, because one never knows when a predator is lurking in the midst.

    And this is also why women should plan ahead and avoid placing themselves in a situation of increased risk by being alone at night, in an area with few people.

    Nobody's going to blame you (the victim) if something happens. Just like nobody blames a homeowner if they are robbed. But at the end of the day, if you don't protect yourself, the only person who suffers or ends up dead... is you.

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    • Men are definitely a part of the problem. Both women and men are more likely to be attacked by men. Female attackers (especially the kind who would be like the man I talked about) are pretty rare in that sense.
      I’m not opposed to protecting yourself. But there’s only so much you can do to be safe. So instead of always telling the victims to go above and beyond to be safe, we should start correcting this awful view of women that so many men have.
      Just take a look at most of the comments posted by guys on this post. See how many of them that are ridiculing me, belittling me or telling me it was my fault. Then compare it to what the women on here are telling me (most are being very sympathetic).

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    • When did I say that women can’t be problematic?

    • I can’t even have a conversation with you about this very specific topic without you derailing the conversation. I’m bored

  • Good for you for standing up to him. Predators don't like that. The weaker ones will be caught off guard by your bravery but, the really mean ones can be very nasty and vicious. It pays to carry pepper spray, a knife or even a gun. Also some kind of key ring gadget that makes an ear piercing noise is good too. The dude really did sound creepy and like he was stuck on himself. Glad that you got away without him finding out where you live. Next time it may be a good idea to walk home with a friend.

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  • I don't really get the logic of passively continuing the conversation but hoping he catches on to your disinterest and gives up. Like I get you wanted to avoid setting him off, but you ended up having to turn him down anyways, wouldn't it have been better to do it right away rather than waiting until you're a few hundred feet from your home?

    I would imagine that even if a guy does freak out after being rejected it would be less severe of a reaction if he is rejected before he has put in any time/effort. I think the more time a guy has invested in trying to win a girl over the more likely he is to become frustated when he finally gets a firm rejection.

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    • What you're trying to do is apply logic to a creep. There is no logic behind a creep's reaction. You're making the assumption that he most likely wouldn't lash out. That's quite a heavy assumption to make, especially when you're *right there* in that situation. I didn't want to do anything to provoke this man. And I felt safer being closer to my home, because had it turned into a chase, at least I had a chance to make it. That's why I tried to turn it into a "natural" conversation that just ended with me saying good night and goodbye, instead of me having to basically tell him to eff off. I didn't know that he would end up asking for contact details anyway.
      Hindsight is 20/20. After reading my story it's probably easy for you to "figure out" what I should have done instead. But you weren't there, and you don't know what it's like to try to figure out a stranger's next move. He could have been a total psycho. I just wanted to play it as safe as I could. Being passive felt safest.

    • Really? Are you a mollycoddled suburbanite? I normally go 'goodbye' and end the conversation run away and turn a lot of corners. Maybe you should carry a knife. He wanted to hookup with you probably if he had been out clubbing and ended up with no one. That might have been why he was out so late. Otherwise he was a crazy homeless man.

      I remember I was walking in the same direction as a German tourist when I was young and started talking to her. She started to get a little creeped out so I went away. I didn't mean anything by it I just happened to be going in the same direction so i thought I would talk to her.

  • It's incredibly disturbing to know that members of the same sex as me are preforming this things to unwilling woman. It could have been a lot worse, and that scares me as well. I was a victim of sexual assualt, from another male, so im scared for all that enter this situation, male and female. I'm so incredible thankful you made it out ok.

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    • Thank you, and I’m sorry for what you’ve experienced ❤️

  • Next time, ring at the first house you see and call 911 from there.
    If 911 seems too much, call a friend with a car or a taxi.

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    • My dad has told me that I can call him at any time and he’ll be there within 10 :) he’ll fuck up anyone who tries to come near me.

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    • Glad to hear they are banned. I do not like Uberbit I use it as a verb like we do with Google. In the US we have many alternates to Uber.

      But I can share with you that pre-Uber I always knew the price of a taxi from downtown to my apt before leasing. Not that I went out every night but I don't drink and drive and I won't ride with randos or let friends drink and drive.

      We have pedicabs and other services. But yes, like you if it was close enough and I was sober enough I'd walk 16 blocks home on a nice night. But the same blocks.

      Stores to jump into and predictability. Only a block was nonbar district of the walk.

      I don't know your young. At your age I couldn't live a cheap cab from night life but I usually stayed with a girlfriend and split the fare.

      Can you carry Mace or pepper spray?

      My older colleagues always wanted me to carry mace and even gave me some.

      I was always taught my best defense was to be a sprinter and pack a punch to the kidney.

    • Most American men who are creepers can't run fast. But then you always have the Christian Bale "American Psycho" stuck in your head.

      But that makes one more scared to ever get in a car or their home than it does to encounter him on the street.

      In your case it sounds like he was getting off on holding power over you but one can never be to safe.

      I learned how to really run not for weight loss but a chance. A chance to outrun a guy chasing me. I did marathons then speed training up hills to build thhe quick fire fibers.

      I can't outrun many male athletes but I can outrun most American males.

      I can punch and run. But a gun won't protect me. It will be taken from me before I can use it or my aim is off or maybe I shoot an innocent person.

  • I hope you are okay. It's a good take.

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  • I am just glad that you are safe. I know you are in another country, but this story ends the wrong way all to often in America.

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  • Ok, quite a story. Glad you're ok. First of all, what's done is done. I'm not gonna give you the 'woulda, could've, shouda' schpeal. Next time if you're in the same situation, get to the nearest public place with people. A convenience store, gas station, or even a random group of people. Then get on your phone and call a friend. Try to be polite and tell him you have someone on their way to meet you. This will give them a 'time limit' to stick around. If he's really creepy and is getting aggressive. Call for help asap. Now I'm not going to tell you to attack him or carry a weapon. That's for a different situation altogether. You can find personal pocket alarms online. They will make a loud noise and contact police. Best thing is prevention. Avoid ending up in that situation. Take a well traveled route thats certain to have other people, or have someone walk you home or a cab. Good luck.

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  • You're very good and putting all the details in there while explaining the situation... are you a professional writer? As a dude that's dealt with dangerous people or ended up in situations where I need to get a guy to leave a woman alone, I totally relate to that sense of danger and the fears you had on a deep and personal level.

    I reduce dudes like this to what I call the "salesman type." Some can be hostile, most are pushy, they guilt trip, manipulate, and so on but they all have one thing in common, they want something. Actual salesman (where the product doesn't sell itself), panhandlers, gold diggers, unwanted advancers, to psychopaths... all belong to the same category to me, salesman types. From what you described it sounded like textbook PUA bullshit, and stories like yours are great examples of why so many people have dropped certain courtesies (like acknowledging their existence) simply so we don't have to deal with their bullshit (the sales pitching).

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    • Thanks, I considered becoming an author or journalist a few years back, and when I was 12 I wrote a novel that was around 50 pages. So writing has always been close to my heart.
      And yeah, I agree with you wholeheartedly. I find it ridiculous that some men are complaining about women not doing enough to protect themselves. But when we ”retaliate” by flat out ignoring every stranger that comes up to us, suddenly we’re stuck up bitches who hate men. Seems like no matter what we do and how we handle unwanted attention, we’re doing it wrong.

    • Impressive amount of work from a 12 year old, geez... I was just playing hockey and looking at nudie mags at that age. If you have any works of art like this online drop me a link for sure.

      Yeah, I feel "the salesman types" can and often do, focus on getting what they want to the point of forgetting we're supposed to be autonomous beings with our own wills, rights, and desires. Basically they view us like cattle, and we simply need to be herded, convinced, tricked, guilt tripped, coerced, or worse with a list that can go on forever. The Dalia Dippolito's of this world, unfortunately, may get 3 trials while obvious innocents out there will be getting the shaft.

  • That was a awesome take! No wonder you're editor.

    If you're checking comments before reading the take, do read it. And if you are expecting something sexual, go away pervert.

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    • Thank you :)

    • Comments are quite disappointing. How do you stand them @lumos?

    • I comfort myself with the thought that some of them are just trolling, while others are just truly socially inept and too stupid for their own good.

  • yey!.. Lumos is still safe and active

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    • at moment's like this, i wish like tony stark i could send Mark42 , which en-capsules you and then drops you at your destination slowly and steadily..

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    • wow! That sounds cool. Best of luck! I hope you don't vaporize yourself in process of building this weapon. jk
      But seriously, your idea sounds interesting.

    • @Nate1941
      it won't be a grenade, just a beam of like radius 0.2 cm , like the one in the arm's of Stark's suit, of course not miniaturized like him, but equally effective.. and the thinner the beam the stronger it can be

  • I hate men who make women hate men. bc then we all lose

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  • You talked about the same experience three or more times.

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    • Sorry?

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    • The point is not how I feel about it. I'm just pointing out that in a literary standpoint, the story was getting redundant. I never said it was either good or bad.

    • 99% of the people on this site probably never even saw my comments.

  • Wow. What a monster. You are very lucky that he did not do anything

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  • Well, it's good that you are safe.. But I do think you are villifyin this guy a bit too much.. He's not a monster.. Maybe a creep, douchebag, and a boundary crosser, but he didn't sound like a predator.. Also you must live in a relatively safe place cause I wouldn't have cared if a dude forget about me as long as he got outta my face, and I'm all good.. I feel like you blew this up a bit more than it needed to be..

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    • I never called him a monster? I prefer not to call people monsters because it dehumanizes them and makes them something intangible that only happens in scary movies or books (when in reality people like that live among us and are very much considered ”normal people” by most).
      You don’t seem to understand my point. I’m upset over the fact that a guy like that thinks nothing of an encounter like that. He doesn’g care if he’s making the people around him feel unsafe. All he cares about is getting what he wants, such as someone’s contact information.
      It could have ended much worse and I’m fully aware of it. That’s why I shared this story. I didn’t ”blow up” anything.

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    • Well, I did say he was obviously a douche bag, and a boundary crosser... But he could just be a guy who talks too much, and has no filter.. Or he could truly see women in a way that made him act the way he does.. & I didn't justify anything he did.. Me bein a realist doesn't signify that I'm excusin him goin overboard with his aggressive behavior.. I'm sayin that walkin up to a woman at 3am seein that she ain't interested & probably a little bit uncomfortable should be common sense to any guy to leave it alone. It's not somethin that needs to be taught..

    • I also like how the person you granted MHO kept puttin words in my mouth when I ain't never blamed any woman for what happens to her if some guy attacks her, and then she blocked me like a petty child.. LOL.. SMH..

  • Creepy

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  • Omg girl, yes I've had similar experiences, even in broad daylight. A lot of men don't understand or care.
    It's something we have to deal with since a young age.

    I'm glad you're ok. And fyi, sometimes ignoring doesn't even work. Not even avoiding eye contact. It gets some of them mad. Just be careful out there.

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    • Thank you, and yeah, I know it doesn’t always work either. It just seems a tad safer than interacting with a creep.

  • That's screwed up. I've seen you on this site for a while, Lumos, and I know you're a strong and assertive person. And I'm very glad you gave him a small piece of your mind (he really deserved more, but I commend you for playing it safe).

    But yeah, I really can't think of any scenario where it'd be acceptable to force a conversation on a person (of ANY sex) walking alone late at night. I'd think a sensible guy would understand how a girl exercises caution at night, and if he wanted to say hi, then keep it short and non threatening.

    Furthermore, any guy who tries to make a girl feel guilty for rejecting him is a tool.

    Anyway enough of my thoughts. I'm glad things didn't turn ugly and you made it home okay!

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    • Thanks! And yeah, it’s easy to be assertive in non-threatening situations. This time I just figured I’d be better safe than sorry, even if the guy was just being mouthy and non-violent.

  • I'm sorry that you had this experience. I've had many similar experiences myself, and this is why I avoid being in underpopulated areas, especially at night.
    I have a go-to phrase that I say now whenever someone who I've no interest in speaking to approaches me. It almost always shuts down the conversation from the get-go. I say, "listen, I have a lot to think about, and I'm in no mood for a conversation at the moment. I'm sorry, but I must ask you to leave me alone." And then I frown and go back to looking like I'm lost in thought. If I'm walking, I walk faster.
    Most people won't have anything to argue against that, except to ask what you're thinking about. If they do, simply say, "I'm not at liberty to say." Use formal language as much as possible. It puts people off, but in a way that's not aggressive or rude. And that's what you're trying to do here: put a conclusion to the conversation without offending the person (as that could escalate). Let them think you're weird. The weirder they think you are, the less they'll want to talk to you.

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  • This is messed up and scary as hell. A man followed me home by car. It was midday. I was driving home from work not realizing he was behind me. I parked into my driveway and I then realized he was waiting for me. Our street was empty and no one in sight. I had to get out of my car and confronted him. I asked him what does he want. He didn't say anything but just stared at me. I told him to leave. He just stared. I was shaking inside but this time I raised my voice and told him if he doesn't leave, I am calling the cops... then he left. I was scared to death. He was a tall and big guy. I am barely 5ft. :/

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    • That’s fucked up. I’m sorry he did that to you :/

    • i feel you sis. thank God nothing happened to me and you.

  • After reading this and also reading some of the comments I’m disappointed. I’ve had a couple experiences like this and it always seems to be the victims fault. Either he/she “looked too attractive” or “it was too late out” but that’s not the point. The problem is that people don’t understand that everyone should be able to feel safe doing whatever they want with their lives. One small decision shouldn’t have any consequences.

    In no way am I saying it’s the guys fault because trust me lol after going to gay clubs I’ve had my shared “wth is going on” moments. Girls can be creepy too. I just believe that as humans we need to be taught what’s okay and what’s wrong. I’m sure that guy knew it wasn’t right to do that but he decided to do it anyways because he hasn’t been taught boundaries. Will that ever happen? Who knows but let’s hope our generation learns from the mistakes we’ve made and finds a way to mend them. Anyways I’m glad you’re safe and next time call friends, take the cab, don’t talk to strangers, and carry pepper spray with you because unfortunately that’s the way things have to be.

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    • This. First guys are all upset that women won’t trust them and that ”not all men” do this. Then guys are upset because we didn’t go home earlier, or even that we didn’t stay home altogether, and that it’s our fault for trusting guys. And yeah, I’m sure that there’s a handful of girls who can be equally creepy/unaware of boundaries.
      Yeah, next time I’ll be even more careful. Thanks ❤️

  • Yup! There are creeps out there that do this way too often.
    You're right - they probably forget the women they bother in 2 seconds, but we learn from it and, hopefully, ignore them completely next time!

    "My safety is worth more than a stranger’s ego." - so true...

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  • I'm from Detroit. Walking home at night is dangerous. I've had people come up to me and talk to me. Never say anything, no eye contact, nothing.

    I wear headphones when i walk, even if my phone is dead or I'm not listening to music. Always be alert, but having headphones on signals that you do not wish to have a conversation. It has always worked for me, if someone tried to approach me I ignore them but make eye contact. Make it clear i have no interest in talking to them but I do realize they are there, that way they don't think I'm completely oblivious to my surroundings.

    My best friend would call me no matter how late it was when she was walking anywhere, even if i was half asleep and she knew it. I did the same with her.

    I have a routine when i walk as well. I know it seems a bit much, but I make it a point to check behind me and look in yards to make note of my surroundings, see if i see anyone, animals, anything out of place. A car with lights on that's parked can trigger my senses.

    I switch sides of the street if i see someone behind me. If they switch as well, I switch again. If they switch with me the 2nd time they're following me and i put 911 into my phones number pad so all i have to do is hit "call number". I've also decided that if this happens when my phone is dead, I will walk up to a strangers house and open the door. I'd rather take my chances with that than someone who is obviously following me. I would walk no farther than the entry way and make it clear to the person inside the house that i am unarmed and have no malicious intentions, even though i always always walk with mace.

    I have put a lot of thought into this because i risk my life when i walk at night. I have had people walk up to me, calling me out and yelling at me until they see the dog i had by my side running at them after i

    During the day make all possible eye contact, smile, it actually lessens the chance that someone will approach you. But i wouldn't suggest it at night.

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    • Sorry part of my comment got deleted when I posted.

      But yeah, I've let my dog go on people who have approached me with clear bad intentions. I wouldn't do it if i wasn't sure, and I've only done it twice. Let's just say they got back in their car and left without looking back.

  • Its hard being a woman. I try to be nice and polite to everyone, but sometimes my intentions become misconstrued. If you blatantly tell a man you're not interested, then you're viewed as a bitch. If you engage in conversation, then clearly you want to fuck. Its as if there's no middle ground. I usually go for the boyfriend line as well, but sometimes that doesn't work either. Things would be simpler if people were better at picking up signals and reading body language.

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    • This. Whatever women do, it seems like we’re always in the wrong.

  • Uggh, how awful. So glad you’re alright. Yes, getting in the phone would have been good but I hope you also learned instead of to not talk to strangers while walking home in the middle of the night but to not walk home alone in the middle of the night. call a cab/UBER.
    Well written mytake💟

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    • Thanks! Yeah, I was naive to think nothing would happen on my short walk home. After talking about this with my mom, she explained how she had been attacked 5 minutes away from her home. So you can never be too safe.

    • so scary. The world is full of predators

  • I see you're Finnish but don't know if you are in a town or city.

    Sometimes walking alone late can't be avoided and best not to be too tipsy.

    After living in many big cities and some rough areas in my 20's I swing back and forth between which is worse- the guy that is following you and engaging in convo or the one half a block back and still there every time you turn a corner lurking.

    I typically go with the guy shadow following you who starts closing in as you get to more remote areas.

    He'll follow you out of a heavy foot traffic area from far enough away but then get closer as you get into residential areas and closer to your home.

    This happened to me twice. Once was when I was running in the middle of the day downtown. I kept noticing a guy on corners during my long run but it wasn't until I tried to run a different path to shake him that I became in danger. I thought he knew my route and veered south into a cemetery of skyscrapers yet to be recovered from a storm.

    I stopped running when I thought I'd lost him assuming he was a tourist. I turned around to find him peaking around a structure, he saw me see him and as soon as I started running I turned around and he was running after me.

    I knew my gym was only 3 blocks away and that the pedestrian district was 2 1/2 block so I ran like bloody fucking hell. Men are usually faster so I was afraid he would catch me even though he was in slacks and dress shoes.

    The other time I was walked home and someone slipped through the gate as it was closing and followed me up my stair to my condo and grabbed my ass. A 40 year old in college housing. I checked him repeatedly in the chest with my heels as I was steps above and called the police.

    Either walking home later at night or out running at night as I often do, the one thing I hold close to is that if there's someone walking behind you and you don't like the vibe change the side of the street you're running down. If you still feel unsafe like they are eyeing you turn around.

    I only have three blocks on my current run that are questionable then I'm on The Capitol grounds and guarded by their police. Best place to run EVER.

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  • I would just have said I don't know where X is and keep walking, call a cab and mean while, call someone to talk so he knows a person is aware of my situation.

    I've been followed by guys since i was a kid. i never interact not my problem if they want to talk. he should know that you're in a precarious position regardless of what he thinks his intentions are.

    planning to not go out is bullshit, women should not be held captive bc someone might commit a crime.

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    • I especially agree with your last sentence, and yeah, now I know not to make any sort of contact. Unfortunately I acted on pure instinct since I don’t go out late very often, and during the day I’m used to answering questions.

  • That creep lacks brain cells, how could he think anyone would okay with that (forcing a conversation with and following a stranger)? What he did is wrong on so many levels. What an unsafe world we live in, it doesn't matter where you are, there is always that one person who is ready to scare & harass others. Coincidentally just today, I've heard of something a little similar today but way more graphic. A girl was approached by a stranger at night. He violently forced her to talk to him, and when she refused, he beated her up and injured her with a knife. That's why I had to mention that we live in an unsafe world, because it's the 2nd time today I know of a recent street harassment incident. I'm glad you're okay though. :)

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    • Oh he wasn’t stupid at all, he knew exactly what he was doing and did it on purpose. And thanks! Yeah, I know I’m lucky for getting out of it without a scratch.

  • Super creepy! Good thinking to keep it from escalating and becoming a Criminal Minds episode situation!

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  • Such guys are mostly cowards, don't worry, just yelling at them can repel them from hitting on you. Compared to creepy guys, aggressive guys are much bigger problem, that's why I practice martial arts.

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    • I just didn’t know if the guy was going to turn out to be aggressive, so I figured it would be smarter to play it safe.

    • Good thinking, always be cautious, some people are not easy to read.

  • Im really glad you are okay. You were lucky enough that nothing happen beyond what u mentioned. I am from india and the cases here are heart wrenching. The girl isn't at fault anywhere but even if we know we are right at our place we can't say the same about the people we may encounter. It was very natural for you to think you could walk back to your home (even i would have done that if i lived that close) but what we actually forget is that "creeps and shit heads" are always there to make our world a miserable place.. Ill suggest the easiest weapon is a pepper spray and a kick where the sun dont shine (well i really wanna kick an asshole thr...:P)...

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  • Damn I'm truly sorry for this happening to you. No girl (or guy) should be going through this, but it sucks when people don't understand what personal space even means and even if they do they don't want to respect our privacy.

    I feel a knot forming in my gut when stuff like that happens to me and whenever I walk pass by a skatepark or going home from school and get cat called or followed by a guy I feel so scared because what if they do something to me if I don't listen to them or show any interests.

    This is a great mytake though, I hope those who follow people/catcall or whatever reads this and understand everything you've just said and think twice before they do this type of action in real life and hopefully not do it again.

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  • if someone I don't like or want to talk to insists on engaging me, I will respond for like two seconds maybe and then completely ignore them. Lol

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  • Oh my gosh, that must have been so horrible! Sheesh, I can't even imagine how scared you must have been. Wow. I hope you're doing alright, and I truly hope this never happens again. This is the issue, some men think following a woman home and trying to start up a convo is a form of flirting, but it's just creepy. I's so glad you are ok. This reminded me of a story my mom told me a few years ago. She was on a run, she was about 25, and these guys in a big truck drove up next to her. They started whistling and stuff, and she flipped them off. They got mad and followed her as well. She was near the end of her run on her way home, but she didn't want to lead them to where she lived. She ended up going on like a 15 mile run that day, and they eventually left her alone.

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  • Hmmm... He sounds a lot worse than some creep I went to hs with. I would have called the cops in your situation. And I don't even normally call the cops.

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  • You handled it well.

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