I was seeing someone for almost three months, we called things off about two weeks ago because we both wanted different things. We like each other but he wants something more casual right now and I want an actual relationship. I told him I needed to get a clean break from him but he suggested still being friends. I don't mind trying to be friends but I told him I was going to need some time and space to get over things.
I've stopped speaking to him for a bit but lately he's been trying to start conversations pointless things, I assumed he was just being friendly. But then he started flirting with him. Do you think he's having second thoughts?
Most Helpful Girl
Ah, you answered the question I had after i read the title - he wanted a casual relationship and you parted ways because you did not want to be in a relationship that wasn't serious. There's your answer. He's trying to see how close to that he can get, not necessarily maliciously but maybe the way it was before you both labeled your relationship, made it official, and commitment and the future came into play?
Speaking from experience, I would not get your hopes up that his flirting means he's trying to win you back for reals this time. If you love someone, let them go, if he comes back, he's yours. Technically true in your case but he's not coming back as you need him to be. He doubtlessly has affection and love for you but he's made it clear what his limits are. Honestly, many don't, so I give props to him for that. He's not leading you on, probably because he DOES care about you. Just remember that, after all is said and done: if he truly wanted you and valued your relationship, then he would have made an exception; he would have done everything in his power not to lose you. That's the bottom line.
Also, if you're trying to win him back and sway him to change? My advice: pull away. What you're allowing now will actually lessen the chance of being together with him on your terms since his needs are being met and, to reference Maslow, human nature does not strive for the next level if they're content with where they are. Don't have to be mean or ignore him, just don't respond to flirting or answer noncommittally (see what I did there? Hehe) with a smiley face. Remove the possibility of a pseudo-casual relationship and keep it purely platonic. Don't give him preference or special attention moreso than your other friends. Stop fulfilling his "needs" - then, and only then, will you know he's yours if he comes back to you to start a relationship. Easier said than done, of course. :) isn't that always the case, it seems?
Anyways, best wishes to you both and I hope you find an outcome that makes you happy.1