Does this mean I suck?

Now that the memory is becoming intrusive, I can't even stand watching the old games because I keep feeling like hockey was never something that defined me like I thought it did :(

I keep telling my self that it does define me - I watch it, play it, blog it but that doesn't help. That person only watches it during the olympics but I still feel like it doesn't define me, even though i watch every. single. game. Even if I have tons of work to finish.
Yet, I feel like it's more their thing than mine :(

I want to get that thought out of my head and go back to being able to say that the sport does define me. Heck, i'm on my way to making it up there - hoping to either coach it at the local rink, become a sports medic or even possibly play it some day in the nwhl.

I keep telling my self that it was the school's loss ( we came in third ) because I stopped practicing after that ( couldn't afford to play hockey cause of issues ) and didn't have much time either - I just started up again and i'm starting off better than I ended off.. WITHOUT the practice. So if I was given the chance to practice and give in what I had, I could have done so much for the team.
Does a coach's choice ( our school principal was the coach ), define a person's ability? Like does it really mean someone is better and someone is worse or could it actually be the complete opposite , that the person they chose isn't really the better choice?

ik this person and they're not determined at all - don't want to bus home after school even if they want to try out for a club. Our school's 5-6 km away. I WALK home in any season, if I have to - with my heavy back pack and guitar case :(

Maybe it was favouritism because the coach already knew her? I don't know. Maybe I got overlooked? Whatever it was, it reallly hurts and I feel like I lost that one thing that defined me as a person :(
*sigh* does the coach's (principal) choice, really refle

sorry, didn't fiinish that sentence. " Does the coach's (principal) choice really reflect the ability of a player? Does it really mean she was better and I was crap?


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