Why teach your boys no violence against girls is acceptable?

Wouldn't it make more sense to teach your "kids" that violence isn't the appropriate choice? I don't understand the narrowing of scope? Does it imply that violence outside that narrow construct is okay? When I was married and took the kids to the doc, I always filled out their med forms and there was always a question about if I felt safe from my spouse at home. I answered no. Initially, before I sought help, that was the only thing I could manage. No one ever asked / talked to me about it. Was that because it was female on male violence? Is that okay?

  • Of course it's not okay, but guys can take it so it's not a big deal.
    Vote A
  • Violence against girls / women from boys / men is worse and deserves special treatment
    Vote B
  • Meh
    Vote C
  • They are the same. We should educate both sexes that violence isn't the proper solution
    Vote D
  • Just show me the answers
    Vote E
Select a gender to cast your vote:
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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's not ever appropriate to let your children think violence is an acceptable answer to their problems. However. Girls receive constant societal messages that hitting is not ladylike and should not be done. Boys receive messages that hitting makes you manly and in control. It's important to counteract those message with parental guidance and examples so that the boys can carry those nonviolent messages on to their children and live better lives for themselves.

    • Interesting. Only teach one but not the other? But is it not also true that society as a whole is conditioned to see women as nonaggressors? When a man hits a women he goes to jail (thankfully I've not had this happen) when a women hits a man, he's told to leave. Isn't this an example where the police have already been conditioned by that very same notion? Perhaps we just won't agree on this one. Possibly a good thing. 'gets one to thinking about cultural and societal biases and their appropriateness, inappropriateness.

    • I think you're misunderstanding. If you read my comment it says "It's not ever appropriate to let your children think violence is an acceptable answer to their problems" and "boys can carry those nonviolent messages on to their children" Children. As in boys, girls, and everyone between.

      In my experience the aggressor is told to leave regardless of gender but I've only seen that sort of thing on like Alaska State Troopers and Cops.

    • I read your answer. But what happens when the female is now the aggressor, whether she learned it from her father or otherwise. Guess what, she passes it along to her children, if those that love them are not vigilant (and in some cases, perhaps even if they are). I understand gender biases have an effect (just look at the poll results), however I think it's a mistake to draw gender lines and only teach about half the population.

      My experience has been, regardless of who the aggressor is, the man must leave. I'm told by others in law enforcement in the area that is the norm (because I thought WTF is happening?).

      We agree that teaching children a nonviolent approach is best.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I saw a movie one day and in it a man was teaching his two boys (see if you can get the reference). The man said there are three types of people in this world. The sheep. The wolves. And the sheep dog.

    The sheep are the weak and the blind. The victims. The naive. The ignorant. They are easy targets and don't defend themselves.

    The wolves are the bullies. The oppressors. The mean. The hateful. They need to pick on others to feel relevant and alive. The man told his boys if they ever become the wolf they are to never come back in his house.

    The sheep dogs are the defenders. The protect. They shield. They love. They protect their own. They do not attack. They are not the offense. They are the defense. The man said if one of his boys is getting beat up the other should defend him.

    I feel if I had boys I'd teach them the same thing. Don't start anything. Stay away from the wrong type of people. If someone attacks you you beat their ass, but never start anything with anyone and defend those you care about.

    Notice I never brought up gender besides the two boys in the story and in reference to how I'd teach my boys (if I had sons).


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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 3

  • I'm reminded of a Bill Burr stand up in reference to something on Oprah, I think.


    "There is no reason to EVER hit a woman."

    "But really there's *NO* reason to hit a woman? I can think of like 19 off the top of my head. Hell, I could probably give you 7 in a drunken stupor. Really? Really? I mean, I'm not justifying it. Do you think Rhianna was just sitting there going, "Oh, honey where's the Kleenexes AHHH AHHH AHHH!" when Chris Brown started wailing on her?

  • I understand the reasoning to teach boys not to be violent towards girls... but the infamous example of the "female bully" puts the boy in a bind for him to get punked around by a girl because "i'm not supposed to hit girls".

    But there is a solution to that!

    What I told my youngest brother (elementary school) is, if a girl is picking on you, or hitting/pushing you, push her as HARD as you can, but don't punch or kick her because you are so much stronger than a girl your age.

    We were at the park, and some 4 year old kicked him and tried to spit on him.

    He shoved the shit out of her, she stumbled backwards about 3 feet and fell on her ass. Then she started crying. Funny thing was her parents weren't even mad and they saw the whole thing.

    He defended himself, without causing permanent body damage to the girl, and the girl learned a valuable lesson.


  • Because as a superior species we should not hit the inferior ones.