What do you think of my biggest regret?

I did not pick my College wisely enough. It seemed logical that I should be in D. C. if I wanted to study politics, but I did not know until later how incompatible I would be with that school with my views, and because of that most of the people hated me except for a few friends I had. It was a disaster and led to me going to three other schools, and then not graduating, and then struggling to have a career 4 1/2 years later and being so unhappy with life flying by me because nothing ever gets better. I cry a lot more often now than I used to because I don't have a lot of hope left, and I hate to say it, but it's how I I feel. It's worse now because both of my younger brothers are at College, so I feel the time passing even more.

I want to be 18 again and to do things differently. :/ I want to have more fun in College, and maybe graduate with something I like that would be more productive by now, since I can't seem to get anywhere in politics, I want to have more friends to hang out with, I want to study abroad, and I want to date and have a girlfriend and such. :/ HS was rough for me too because I went to HS at two different ones that I was very unhappy at... my grades were OK but considering I got rejected from the top four schools on my eight school list they could've been better, and I know I could've had higher grades if I was happier. I had like a 3.31 unweighted GPA and an 1830 on the SAT, so I don't know... there are some places I wouldn't have gotten in to, but I am sure I could've done better.

Anyway, I want to be around cool people my age and I want to have a life... and nothing. :(

For instance the last time I really had a chance to spend significant time with a decent # of people was on my birthright israel trip in mid-2011. Those people turned out to be mean and I didn't like a lot of the stuff they were doing, so most of them did not become friends either.

(Continued below)

I mean basically my life boils down to people on the internet, most of whom I will never meet and the ones I may I am not exactly in a position to now... a FEW people I have had RL friendships with who I have not seen in years since I barely ever go anywhere... and yeah.

I really don't know. My transcripts are a mess and I got robbed on some grades, and I have so much student debt. TBH I was so tired of this in 2011 and just wanted to work on a Presidential campaign, but in the past year or
whatever I began to really wish things were different. It's just hard because my father is such a loser and is a bad influence and has been a drain on my family for so long... like not working for over a decade meanwhile he has plenty of time to do creepy stuff online. Just ugh... I'm rambling... but I want to be bloody happy. I am tired of not being so, and I want this ripple effect to stop. It's been too long. :( Too too too long...


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  • I didn't work hard enough in school or college - I got a degree without trying - I never went to class - I was drunk all day every day in university - I answered about a third of the questions blind in the final exams (I read the books required for those questions the first time the night before relevant exam) - I got bored halfway through my final year and got a full time job going back to do my final exams. So I passed doing nothing, what would I have got if I had studied?

  • What do you want to do? Like, really want to do?

    • I wanted to work on a Presidential campaign and for a Republican President then be elected to office myself (COngress) and go from there.
      Second on my list is be an actor because I actually do have a talent for it, and I should have studied that. Maybe I would have succeeded by now :(

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    • Try the people who reject me despite all my persistence?

    • Forget them and get better.