How can I approach my roommate about having a guy over to watch a movie for a date without starting an argument (see details)?

I've been texting and video chatting with a guy I met on an online dating site for a couple months and he lives 6 hours away, but is willing to drive to come visit me for a weekend. Although it's probably best to stay at a hotel, I'd like to be hospitable and at least have him at my place in the living room to watch a movie or something (I wouldn't let him into my room). In the past, I've had guys pick me up for dates at my house or hang and watch a movie after dinner, but I always made sure someone else was there. I'd never go to the guy's house that soon, only mine because I feel safer in my territory. I've never had any problems or run ins with psychos and have "safety procedures" in place if things went wrong and would let neighbors know what was going on. I've even had a guy spend the night at my family's home before, so I'd like to have that option for him to crash on the couch if we're having a nice time and don't want to end the date super early.

My roommate has had a different approach. She has never let a guy know where she lives until after 3 or 4 dates, which is fine, but she shouldn't try to act like my mother. But this is also my apartment so I feel I should be able to invite people over when I'd like as long as I let her know. I also would wait and see how the date goes before letting him hang at my place and have him stay at a hotel as part of the original plans.

She had her boyfriend of 3 months (who she's also having a baby with) over a couple weeks ago and he ended up spending the night, but she didn't ask me if I'd be comfortable (it was the first time I'd met him). I feel that since I'd at least being decent enough to let her know someone might stay, it shouldn't be an issue.

How can I talk to my roommate about this and plan things the way I'd like while still being respectful, since it's as much my place as it is hers?


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  • just make it clear that you BOTH live there!!

    • I know that. But if she doesn't feel safe about it, then how can we find a way to agree on something? I'm trying to meet her in the middle by waiting until I actually meet/spend time with him to invite him over at all, so I hope she'd be understanding.