How should I handle this?

Recently, my best friend in the whole world has been getting in fights with her parents (totally instigated on their part), and she turns 18 tomorrow. So after tomorrow, they're no longer legality obligated to provide for her. I'm worried because she says her parents are threatening to get a divorce BECAUSE OF HER, and how they NEVER WANTED HER. I've seen these first hand and heard phone conversations because her parents are yelling so loud. For some reason I'm afraid they'll kick her out. Other than offering my home to her, what should I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • A situation like this can be hard to deal with, because that sort of treatment by parents could very possibly be quite psychologically damaging, especially, perhaps, in the long term. You suggested in one of your comments that her parents had already possibly caused an eating disorder, which would seem to imply that the manner in which your friend has been treated has already begun to affect her actions.

    The apparent lack of worth her parents seem to ascribe to her could make her feel that she is worthless, and could possibly lead to depression, self harm or poor decision making amongst other possibilities. None of these are guaranteed of course, but it's something to perhaps be aware of.

    Without parental support it's also possible she will have difficulty funding further education, which certainly might make cause her stress, especially if she had wanted to proceed upon that path.

    There are a few thing you might be able to do to help her, but the most important is probably trying to talk to her, giving her someone she can hopefully trust to discuss her problems with. Try perhaps asking her how she's feeling, her experiences, her worries. You can also attempt to affirm her worth, although it's very possible you won't be able to undo much of the damage her parents might have done, there is at least a chance to mitigate it somewhat.

    Depending on where her issues lie and how much effort you want to put into helping her, you might consider looking for additional resources that might help her, whether that be finding free psychological counseling services or trying to guide her to speak with a school counselor (assuming one is available and seems competent). You might also look into scholarships or other possibilities for helping her afford continuing her education if that's something she has been interested in in the past (although one would hope she would focus on this herself, she might well be depressed if her parents do kick her out and she might not be hopeful about the future, it's hard to say without knowing more information).

    And I guess just try and be there for her. I'm assuming you're both still in high school, so she will still want to get through the rest of this year which might be difficult if she finds her life upset, so it might, possibly, be wise to try to take similar courses (assuming she wants that) so you can work together on them in case she starts having problems.

    • Whoa. That's all I have to say. Whoa.

Most Helpful Girl

  • you should provide as much emotional support for your friend as possible
    having parents tell their own kid that they never wanted her takes a toll, however hidden, since parents are supposed to be the first source of love

    if you could help her reach out to other adults about this problem, it may help too
    she will need a strong network of emotional support

    • I'm the only person her really knows about this. She also told me about these issues quite recently, so asking her to confide in another person would be pushing it too far, FOR NOW. I agree though. She eventually should create a NETWORK of support, not just me.

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What Guys Said 1

  • They can't kick her out. Even if cops are called because they still count as a provider of shelter they have to give her a certain ammount of time or court order her removal or until she finds a place to live. How bad is she that they would divorce over her?

    • She's a wonderful person! I can't say anything bad about her, because she's so sweet and friendly and smart and athletic; she's a very well rounded young woman. I have NO CLUE why her parents treat her this way!

    • It's definitely not her fault. She thinks it started when she had an eating disorder that THEY INDIRECTLY CAUSED, because her mom talked so bad about how she looked (even though she was/is very lean and healthy looking). And they've just thought that everything bad that happens to her is her fault.

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