Would you be upset over this or am I overreacting?

So when my boyfriend and I first started dating he said "oh I'd fuck her" (talking about his old babysitter) but later said he was joking. I don't know how it got brought up about 7 months later but I brought it up again. He said "if I was single, I would" and I said "do you want to be" he said "no, I'm pretty happy where I am" and I was like "would you still now?" And he said "if I was single or if I was with you?" And I said "both". He replied with "no"(about if he would fuck her). Should I still feel upset about this? I know he said he would if he was single but he did say no straight up when I asked if he would either way. I know that he wouldn't lie to me and that if he wanted someone else, he wouldn't be with me. I feel like he was joking. Would you guys be upset about this? I'm just a really sensitive person. I need opinions.

  • Yes, I'd be upset.
    Vote A
  • No, you're overreacting. It's stupid.
    Vote B
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I know that if he didn't want to be with me, he wouldn't be with me. If he was interested in other girls, he would be single. I believe that he truly meant that if he was single, yeah, he'd obviously be having sex or whatever with other girls but he's not. He's with me for a reason.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you're overreacting and I find this behavior really annoying in girls (you're by far not the only woman who is like this). Unfortunately, most girls (and also a lot of guys) just can't take the truth. I really wonder how all these couples in the world do this cuz I'm lucky to have a girlfriend with who I can be completely honest, which I'm extremely glad about. So many women love to ask their boyfriends or husbands pseudo-questions. By "pseudo-questions" I mean questions that are not really questions because you're not actually interested in hearing a truthful answer. It's like the stereotypical "do I look nice in this dress?" question. Girls would repeatedly stress how they want to hear the truth and nothing but the truth but if you actually give them the truth, they either break out in tears or start an endless fight over it. I was once asked this question by a female friend and - being a naive teenager at the time - answered it completely truthfully (I told her I thought the dress was a really bad choice and made her look very bad). However, upon hearing my opinion that was certainly not meant as an insult, she totally freaked out on me and subsequently quit talking to me for about a month. I mean... what the hell? This is probably the thing that annoys me most about women. They're like tour guides in North Korea "Please tell me, how do you like our country? Please, please, be honest! We appreciate your honest opinion! ... What do you mean? Poverty? Death camps? ARE YOU SERIOUS? HOW CAN YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS? WHAT AN INSULT! DO YOU WANT TO DIE?"
    Like, had your boyfriend said "yeah, I know I can't but I would still like to fuck her now", you'd probably gone into extra-crazy drama mode. I'm a pretty feminine guy myself, certainly no macho-type of guy but this particular female behavior is so silly and childish. If you know you can't take the truth, please just don't ask for it. Only ask if you're 100% certain that you'll be fine whatever the answer might be.
    If we talk about another girl and my girlfriend asks me if I would want to have sex with her and that is indeed the case, I admit to it and my girlfriend is fine with it. The reason she's fine with it is because she understands the nature of sexuality. Monogamy is not a natural thing, it was culturally trained. You might suppress it successfully but you're still not meant to live like this. It's natural to feel drawn to several people at the same time. This DOESN'T mean you have to act

    • But he's the type of guy that would tell me the honest truth. I just overthink everything and if he wanted anyone else emotionally or sexually, he wouldn't be with me.

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    • other, being there for each other. You know what I mean? It's so much more than sex. True love is not shown in your sexual desires (or lack of) but in your daily actions towards your partner. If your boyfriend is a sweet guy who clearly cares for you and considers you his little princess, then there's nothing to worry about :-).

    • Thank you. This really helped. I understand that sometimes looking at someone of the opposite sex isn't a bad thing. Obviously, I don't like him to do that but it's not like he's going out and cheating on me. We've had this stupid conversation before about him "fucking" this girl. Before, he said he was joking and today he said "if i was single i would, but she's in a happy relationship so probably not". He just kind of confused me because later (like a minute later) I said "but would you?" and he said "When i'm with you or single" and i said "both" and he replied with "no".. So I do believe him... I just take things to heart all time..

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What Guys Said 4

  • The language he used is that of single guys. When guys are single "yea id fuck her" means she is attractive. Does it mean once he is in a relationship he'd cheat? No. Does it mean she is his dream woman? Also no. He said this when he was first dating you out of habbit. That in itself doesn't mean he wants to be single or wants to cheat on you. If thats all you are going on you are overreacting. Although it would be understandable of you dont want him to socialize with her anymore.

    • It's his old babysitter and really good friend of his family.. She's almost 30 and he's 23.. I know I don't have anything to worry about and he did say this when we were just dating. We're 8 months in now and I know if he was interested in someone else in the slightest, he wouldn't be with me. I just overthink every little thing

    • Like I said, "yea id fuck her" is single guy talk for "she is attractive" not, "I love her" and not "I want to cheat on you with her."

      Just tell him you got so upset because you really like him and really want things to work out. And as I saud if you dont want him around her anymore that is perfectly understandable.

  • Who fucking cares. I point out hot girls to my girlfriend all the time. She doesn't care at all, he'll she will even be like yeah, or your crazy.

    Just because I am attracted doesn't mean I would do anything. Don't you still find other guys attractive? You do? Then shut up!

    • yeah not really. sorry i only have eyes for him? LOL if i were her id kick your ass to the curb

    • Ha, well maybe you will understand when you are bit older, or maybe you are the type that just can't handle your SO being attracted to other people than yourself. Not an insult, just saying I felt similar when I was 21.

      I think the real issue is you don't trust him. I may tell my girlfriend when I think a girl is cute, but she knows that I love her, and would choose her over all of them. So she doesn't get offended when I say things like that. She is also bi, so she understand that women are beautiful, and sometimes it is hard to keep your eyes to yourself. She also points out hot guys too, and I don't care either. I usually just laugh, and make fun of them.

      I can tell you that I have had GF's in the past that would get mad about stuff like this, and it was really annoying. I felt like I had to constantly validate their worth to me, and it gets old quick.

  • Nothing wrong with knowing what the other person likes... I dont like my girlfriend saying that guys hott... But its not like flirting or anything

    • you're right. but I'm pretty sure he was joking? When i asked if he would, he did say no

  • I hate when girls ask that, after the guy says if he was single then yeah and then she asks if you want to be, which is dumb to say since he is already with you , now you could start a fight over something stupid. Maybe next time the guy will say ok about being single and just leave the next time the girl says that then the girl won't ever ask that again

    • this wasn't even about that... but you are right. he is with me and if he wanted someone else, he wouldn't be with me.

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    • well he's 23. but even so, i think he meant basically he's not interested in other girls and if he was single, yeah he'd probably be fucking other girls. it doesn't mean that he wants to now, when he's with me...
      he's reallllllllly not a talker tho..

    • Then your fine, he sounds loyal but was probably joking like he said since he feels comfortable enough to say things like that to you

What Girls Said 2

  • I wouldn't be upset by this. I'm aware that people would always have sex with someone else if they weren't in a relationship. It's a fact of life. I really appreciate openness in a relationship, I'd rather my boyfriend point out hot girls and have a laugh with him than constantly telling him to not talk about it or look at them because that's unrealistic for many people. I don't think he was joking when he said he would have sex with her, but that doesn't mean he's going to cheat.

  • calm the hell down... haven't u ever wanted to bang a guy? He loves u or else why would he be with u?

    • uh not when I'm with my boyfriend?

    • Don't be insecure... I can't believe he said what he said to u... Thats like bro code!

    • but i asked him if he would straight up and he said no... this girl is like 30.. she used to be his babysitter. pretty sure he was joking..