How to have confidence, self-love and self value w/o arrogance?

This is nothing new, I've been dealing with this my whole life. Growing up, I never loved myself, never felt attractive inside and out, nor had any type of confidence at all in myself and it's not like I've been bullied by anyone or talked down to or anything of that matter but I never believed when anyone told me how smart, beautiful or special I was I just nevet felt that way inside. And I feel like people can feel my energy of low-confidence, low-self esteem and no self value whenever I'm around people which I feel is one of the reasons why I come in contact with a lot of rude people and are afraid to speak up for myself or stand up for myself.

I always tend to seek opinions and approval of others on certain things I like and whether or not I should do it.

My main problem when it comes to not having confidence is making friends. I'm very shy when it comes to people, I'm really not good in starting conversations with people and I don't be having anything to say and don't know what to say and I'm very different from a lot of people, I'm not like other people so I don't like a lot of things a lot of people like nowadays so I always feel like I have no one to relate to because I don't have a lot in common with a lot of people. So lack a lot of confidence.

So how can I develope self love and self confidence but with humbleness and not arrogance? Thanks and Merry Christmas.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I've always said "Sexy people don't have to tell us they're sexy, we already know it."

    My advice would be to pretend you're an actor and you're playing the part of a confident, sexy woman. How would she act and what would she do?


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What Guys Said 2

  • There are 3 things I can think of.

    1. Realizing that confidence, self esteem, self value (I'll add leadership to this list) are valuable personal traits, along with humbleness. This realization is the first step to developing those skills. There are far too many people who think they're the best thing since toilet paper, and while they have the confidence, they also have the arrogance. The fact that you do not want to be such a person demonstrates a great potential in yourself. The next step is to harness that potential.

    2. Confidence - you need an outlet to work on your confidence. I would suggest you search and join a local toastmasters, where members work on their public speaking. I was once a jittery speaker who was afraid of crowds before I took up a teaching assistant job in university which forced me to speak in front of classrooms and labs. Overtime, I lost my fear and even moved on to become a professor and won awards for my teaching ability.

    3. Leadership and self-value - This one might be a bit harder because it's difficult to find situations to work on this. But developing your leadership skills will also affect your self-value. You mentioned you are afraid to speak up or stand up for yourself. This is common - especially in the workplace because you see your peers every day and you want to avoid confrontation.

    Ignore the rude people for now and focus on the hard workers and positive people. For each of the good people surrounding you, make a list of positive compliments to give them. Do they work hard? Are they efficient or always punctual? Do they deliver their work on time? Are they always clear, concise when speaking, emailing or communicating?

    Make a note to compliment each of these people once or twice a week. Or if you have annual reviews where you can give feedback on the performance of others, make it sound really good (and be specific, giving examples). You'll notice that if you give these good people compliments, they will give you compliments in return... either personally or in private (during their review of you). People will see you as a positive leader because you drive others to do well, rather than be an arrogant bastard who takes all the credit for accomplishments made by the team.

  • Know you're awesome but like don't brag about itπŸ’πŸ»πŸ˜Œ


What Girls Said 1

  • Fake it till you make it really is the best way. For me, what worked was to go up to people and just introduce myself (it was easier for being freshman year at uni and everyone was making new friends), no matter how scary I found it. Sometimes it went well, sometimes it was pretty awkward, but I did it anyways. Pretending you're easygoing and smiling a lot helps. Not taking insults personal, ever, too. Just laugh it off.

    Another dealbreaker: eyes. Look people in the eyes when they talk to you. Show you're really interested in people when they talk to you. of course dont stare, but dont look down all the time too.

    Joking a lot and generally seeming happy helps too.

    All these things can make you look more confident and approachable without seeming arrogant. Hope this was helpful ^.^

    • I totally agree with fake it until you make it! I didn't get over my shyness until I got a service job this year and now I can even carry on conversations with random homeless people (and I enjoy it too).

      I thought people were crazy for suggesting that until I actually tried it.