I lost almost every "friend" I had and I still can't show emotion?

I've endured a lot, I think. My dad left me, my dad had sevral other kids who mostly hate me, I've been bullied and invisible my whole life, I got kicked out of my old school for being emotionally unstable, I had to see a therapist. I eventually just shut my emotions off. I'm in a new school now. I made a lot of friends and I even got a boyfriend. Unfortunately, everyone including my boyfriend thinks I'm emotionless. I had mostly male friends before I started going out with my boyfriend and when I started dating him a lot of them confessed that they liked me and then started avoiding me. I didn't have that many friends to begin with. I lost about nine friends. Even one of my closest friends dropped me. So at first it didn't bother me much. I have this "I don't care" attitude now. It didn't bother me until one of my friends who I considered one of my closest friends dropped me. He's also my boyfriend's best friend. Last night he texted me and told me that if I wasn't with my boyfriend we would've asked me out or to be friends with benefits. Obviously I instantly shut down that idea. This afternoon he texted me saying it was a joke and then he just started acting real weird. He kept telling me that multiple people told him I was emotionless (I'm assuming my boyfriend was one of them) and he was gonna help me change. I honestly didn't want his help, because I love me exactly the way I am. I know I might have this tough shell, but that's me. That's the real, 100% me. Anything else would be a lie. So he cursed me out for not being grateful for him trying to change me. So I thought about everything. Most of my "friends" hate me, my boyfriend thinks I'm emotionless, and other people think I'm emotionless. So I thought of what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna break up with my boyfriend, embrace being single and friendless, and move on with my life. First though, I sat in front of my mirror and tried to cry. I wanted to know if everything everybody thought about me was true. I felt the tears form in the back of my eye, but I didn't cry. I guess I am just an emotionless, heartless monster, like everyone says.


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  • Don't worry it'll be ok


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