Is this a good piece of poetry? Please critique it, much appreciated?

The Indian Cabbie (title)

The window outside has stink; it is clear

Cologne is mixed with smells of the dung,

The scents distract me from the girly tears,

The swears are rolling from the man's pink tongue.

The little one, she feels for me, I sigh,

A taxi driver must observe a bit;

Innocence, a thing you cannot just buy,

In here, this land, she needs to keep it

To please a daughter, daddy leaves to buy,

Food for me; I give the girl a look;

I don't expect my heart to break; her eyes

Know a I drive off; I'm really a crook

The man has wealth; a Heaven to return to,

All I have is here; his old, old shoes

I wrote it myself when I was 20


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's pretty decent, but I suppose it may be easier on the eyes
    if you make verses in it, rather than a long semi-monotone read.

    I know it's not monotone, of course, but that's sort of
    how I see/get it, when it's set up as such. ^.^

    • okay will do! :)

      Can I ask what you thought the poem was about? Someone who read it initially thought it was about child prostitution I was like... huh?

    • As I see it, the man is either her father or her lover
      and she's afraid that he may leave her.

      But that's also what I like about poems, that they can be
      perceived different, according to the reader. ^.^

    • Yeah! The man is her father, and the taxi driver is being treated badly by the father. The girl sympathizes with the taxi driver, but the moment the father and daughter step outside to buy ice cream for the girl, the taxi driver drives off with their belongings.

      Yeah poetry is great like that :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think it is very good. The pace is difficult, the flow is broken every other word or so, the words are harsh but trying to be gently meaningful and poetic. If I had more time I would write some suggestions which could help it improve possibly... but I don't right now.

    • @McScuseMe89 haha! But you're not angry no? Riiiight, you just had to follow me around the site to be vile to me.

      I'm not surprised your boyfriend felt like being with another woman while on a break if this is your personality. You aren't a nice person.

      Have a nice Valentine's day and thanks for showing yourself so I can block you permanently.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I think its great! Why did you post anonymous?

    • Really? Great enough to be published, (I'm considering)

      Ha ha I always post anonymous

    • Too late! I already stole it.. Nah just kidding. Go for it!

What Girls Said 1

  • It's awful. I'm sorry but it really is horrible. I tried not to laugh at it but the chuckles came out anyway. "The window has stink" wtf.

    • I had to make it rhyme/go with a certain syllable count because of poetry class.

      It's not awful :(, I get that there are parts which don't make sense but the general message is okay...

    • :/ Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.