Is my mum a jealous person?

I finally (after so long), did something I really liked, creatively. I was gushing about it on my way home. My mom, (as usual), put a damper on it and said, "yeah even if it's expensive, so what?'

I grew quiet. My mum makes zero income, (no career). She never even went to University. All of this is funded by my dad and we both know this.

Yet she constantly makes a huge deal of expenses, and likes to remind me of the fact that they pay for a lot of things. Now my dad has no issue with it, so who the fuck is she to even HAVE an opinion on this?

Every time I get super happy about something, it's like she's wired to say stupid things. Most people can't stand her, and I'm quickly losing my patience.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I have an aunt like this.
    I gave my mum her favorite flowers for her birthday. Two seconds after, her sister had to point out that my dad didn't do it.

    They're downers, and its a bummer its your mum.

    I don't know if its the right way to go, but I just stopped talking about stuff I cared about with them. With no lies either, when they ask I tell them why I don't want to talk about it.

    • I feel like... if she wasn't my mum I'd be so much more forward with my life. I've kind of stopped telling her things in the fear that she'd ruin it.

      Why do people do this? Downers... what's their motivation? I thought of jealousy but that can't be the only motivation.

      I think that's a good strategy, telling them you don't want to talk about it and not talking about the stuff to begin with

    • I was a downer myself for a long time. The root was general pessimism. I didn't know I was doing it half the time. After a life changing event, I decided I wanted a more positive disposition and outlook on life. I conditioned myself to think of as many good things as I could every time I caught myself thinking a negative thing. It wasn't even a year before I thought of the good things first, and the bad stuff just went away.

      I, of course don't know your mum, but I advise this: Accept her and love her for who she is. You can wish someone will be a certain way, or not be in this case, but it won't help and eventually you'll resent her.

      I suggest a game, much like mine, whenever she says something gross think of a rephrasing and correct her.
      Example Mum quote: 'This tea you made me tastes like shit!'
      Example rephrase: "You mean thank you for the tea, and pass the sugar? Here you are."

    • It's interesting what you said about being a pessimistic person and seeing the negative in things. I was like this too for a long period of time, but I never behaved like my mum. I never felt the need to do this back-handed thing that she does.

      She never said that the art classes were expensive so they weren't worth it, she uses the reverse psychology technique. She said yeah that's really great you're doing it, and I don't mind it at all that it's expensive. Why would she bring it up to begin with when she's not footing the bill? She was sort of trying to 'show' me that she did this huge thing for me (which is a joke). It's not like she doesn't want me to pursue them because she wouldn't drive me if she didn't, but she's just GOT to put in the odd back-handed compliment to irritate me.

      Basically you can't really trust people like that with your weaknesses or your happiness. But I do think your strategy of rephrasing is something to be kept in mind if she overdoes it

What Girls Said 1

  • There's a chance she really is a jealous person. That's probably her way, even if effed up, of dealing with you doing what you like, getting on with your life. You should talk about it with her and with your dad, see if she can be a little less of a downer.

    • He is well aware that she is like this. Once I told him that she got me to buy a music CD for her by telling him that it was for me, and encouraging me not to kill my interests just because it's expensive.

      At the time I played along thinking she wanted the CD but was too shy to ask for it. Later on when I told my dad he said, "Yeah I know she does that."

    • Your mum is not just a downer, she seems to be borderline crazy. It sucks that your dad knows she's like that way and apparently doesn't give a fuck about it.

    • The whole thing boils down to the money thing for her which drives I would say 90% of her actions.

      Actually, to be pretty honest, I always thought my dad was the 'bad guy' for controlling her with money. But when I realized he knows she's like this, I saw two sides to the story. How can a woman like this warrant anyone's respect really