Is more always expected out of guys than girls or the other way around?

I think more is expected out of girls growing up, but more is expected out of guys when they become an adult.

For example, guys have to 'feed their families' whereas women don't always have to, I mean there isn't an expectation that they have to work/be the breadwinner.

A lot of women choose to anyways pursue difficult careers, which is their personal choice and is something to respect, but has nothing to do with generally what society expects from men and women.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Of course this also depends on the way you were raised by your parents and the culture you've grown up in but generally speaking for the US or even for the western hemisphere, I would agree with you.
    I'm not saying everything about being a woman is easy but it's easiER. Women tend to be more free when it comes to choosing a lifestyle. Want to be a traditional housewife who raises the kids, cooks dinner and greets the husband at the door? No problem. Some people might say that's silly but you'll easily find men who like that kinda thing. Want to be a busy, modern, independent, confident woman who pursues a career in a law firm in downtown Manhattan? That's also fine. Society will congratulate you on your courage and your strength.
    For men it's more difficult because we're expected to be everything at the same time. We're supposed to be the main breadwinner but at the same time, we're also supposed to be there for the kids and for our girlfriend/wife. We're supposed to be a "real man" (whatever that means!!!) with hair on his chest and nice muscles who knows how to protect his girl and fix a broken engine. But at the same time we're also supposed to be soft and empathetic and we sweet. It's a very difficult role to fulfill, which I believe is the reason many young men feel so insecure. I know a girl who, on different occasions, said that she thinks guys should openly cry and another time made fun of her boyfriend behind his back for crying during a movie. Of course this is only an individual case but it kind of illustrates the problem. Whatever you do as guy, you feel like you're doing something wrong.
    Of course there are exceptions among women. There are women who (just like myself) don't believe in all the stuff society expects and simply take a man the way he is. However, especially here in the west, they're very hard to find. I've dated women from my own country Switzerland and also from America and I'm sort of sick of it. I'm glad that I have a girlfriend from east Asia now. Contrary to the stereotype, she's not submissive. She's very emancipated but in a less ideological sense (which is typical for many progressive girls in east Asia). This includes not caring about gender roles. I have no idea how to fix things for example. I'm terrible when it comes to any kind of technology or mechanics. My girlfriend is much better at it. But - and here's the important part - she doesn't laugh at me or resent me for it. That's something I really like.

    • Oh and of course there are also political inequalities. Women are still discriminated in some aspects. For example women still don't receive the same salary for the same work. That's outrageous. But there are also aspects of life where men are discriminated. For example in my country, ever young man has to serve 1 year in the army (army service is mandatory). If you can't serve in the army for some reason, you have to do 1.5 years of civil service. However, women don't have to do any of that. During the time men have to crawl through the mud with their rifles and do all kinds of stupid exercises, women can just go to university or do a gap year where they go travelling. That's something I personally find very unfair.

  • I'd agree with your assessment. Adult women are simply treated like older girls, (and notably, often called 'girls' right into their 80s). Girls of all ages are expected to be sweet and polite and helpful.

    Boys are treated like ineffective girls who we make excuses for, but they are expected to make a big leap to becoming 'real men' who can defend their family, provide, fix things, be emotional rocks, etc.

    • I wonder how guys must feel when they realize their whole life will change and they have to become responsible forever. Even in University, they know that the expectations of a girl studying to be a lawyer and the expectations of a guy studying to be a lawyer are two very different things.

      I agree about the girls being expected to be sweet polite and helpful above all.

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    • That's really interesting what you said choosing classes based on the returns. I think some part of dating prospects and marriage is driven by education level, if not salary.

      I've also noticed that some men secretly don't respect women if they don't earn somewhat of the same amount as them, maybe because there's more of an expectation now that women are equal and should work. But those men still support their significant other financially, because it's just something they do.

      Sometimes I'll be sitting with someone who is something like a statistician by education-level, and realize that they don't like the material as much as I thought they did. It's just an understanding on their part that even if they don't find it interesting it is what is the best available option to pursue career-wise.

      Society is meaner to women, in terms of they have more gossip about women than on men. I think this is what drives the expectation of a man defending his family against all evils

    • Yeah, there's no question almost every man i know picked career considering salary up front. It seems like far more women fell into the 'do what you love!' magic. Most guys i know don't care if women earn way less (my partner stopped working outside the home before we had kids). What bugs us is that in my dad's day, my mother appreciated his work. I find a lot of women now seem to act like jobs are something you do that you're passionate about and to feel validated, and assume we did the same, and it's just a coincidence i earn 6 figures. No, it's not. I find my field interesting, but if money were no object, it's NOT what i'd be doing. I'm making sacrifices to -earn-. And i'm okay with it, but it would be nice to have that appreciated.

      I think the way most of us did it is we had an idea in our mind of what an okay salary was, and then picked from AMONG those choices the one we were most interested/able to do.

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