Why do people get arrange-married?

I am a part of a culture that still does that, but I've never really been able to understand.

I thought it's more about ensuring that an appropriate guy is found for a girl based on background, education etc. because a girl or guy may not have actually met someone in real life who they know of that may suit their ideal husband/wife so they go husband/wife shopping.

But now I feel it's more about preservation of culture. If a girl/guy didn't do an arrange-marriage, there is a really high chance that he/she may fall in love outside of their religion/sect and that may cause problems. So from the time they're a child they're told love is bad.


Most Helpful Guy

  • "Pure" arranged marriages are rare these days, even in places like India. What usually happens is that the family selects a number (5 or 10 for example) of candidates for their family member and then let them choose, or even allow them to refuse all candidates but hoping (often successfully) they'll likeat least one.

    In this way it kinda works out ok for most people because honestly the family pretty much selects people you'd be coming across when dating anyway, especially if you don't live in a big city, don't have some specialized highly educated background and don't have many special preferences, which honestly covers the vast majority of the population (of course not everyone, but freely dating doesn't work out well for everyone either), especially in those countries where arranged marriages are still common.

    • This is exactly what it is, and I think it's safe because at least there's some choice involved. I also agree with your point about them anyways wanting to date those kind of people to begin with.

      But what I still don't understand, is why are the parents against the child finding a guy/girl for herself/himself. My mom was talking about how she's planning to marry me off before 25 because after that I won't find a guy 'my age.'

      It got me confused; why do I have to marry in such a small race/religion where there are anyways less people in that sect and I have to limit my options according to age.

      There are 7 billion people in the world, and I'm sure someone would be okay with marrying me when I'm 30. Do I really need to make a decision to not pursue further education just because in this particular sect no one wants to marry a 30-year old, it doesn't make sense.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah, it's pretty normal in my culture as well. It's stupid af, why marry someone you barely know and let your parents make such a big fucking life decision for you?

    • I agree. There could be a person who is perfect on paper, but no one besides that guy and his family/friends truly knows him (and the opposite is also true for women).

      He could be the kind of guy that beats his future wife. Why would you do that to your child, it's scary

    • yeah, that's exactly what can happen esp. in India where divorce is usually looked down upon and young Indians esp. females are pressured to get married early. Even dowry killings can occur including burning the bride or throwing acid on her face if the female's family cannot offer up enough money for the transfer of their daughter to the groom's family. It's disgusting.

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What Guys Said 4

  • In some cultures girls are despised if they have male friends. Thus girls and guys have few other sex friends and have to entrust finding a life companion to matchmaking family members.

    • Hmm no I don't think that's it. I know tonnes of girls who had more male friends than I ever did, and their parents are super strict about getting arrange-married.

    • Then it might be about money, to prevent guys and girls from 'marrying down'.

  • Economics.

    • ^ Interesting. Can you expand on this theory?

      I sometimes feel the people who want to do that to their child aren't really the masterminds behind this system, it's just something they've been told by their mother/father and they are just the 'doers.' They don't question it.

      But someone has thought about all of this in a lot of detail and implemented the system to begin with, and that person sees a side of it that I don't.

    • Merging families to create powerful connections and political unity is as old as marriage itself. Arranged marriages specifically do this well with the exchange fundamentally making both families better off.

      It's still true today that families marry for power, especially the upper class of any country, because that's how they maintain the said power.

  • Why I literally have no idea it's not even in any relgion

  • Indian?
    Now things have changed in India

    • Ha ha you know the funny part? It may be changing in India but it's actually more apparent in foreign countries (one of the many ironies of life)

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    • And that's another serious issue with the Indian mentality. Girls OR guys who realize the idiocy of the whole thing and feel the need to point it out are blamed for all kinds of atrocious things, (especially the women).

      It's not about 'love/sex,' or whatever silly way you put it. It's a serious issue to get someone else married to another human being without knowing that person, (especially if the girl is dependent on him financially).

      The real reason that people don't get divorced in arrange marriages isn't because they're successful, it's because the girl has nowhere else to go. Her parents won't accept her, she's not going to find another guy who will marry a 'divorced,' woman, and she has no income except that of her husband.

    • I agree. And sorry if I offended your madam

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