Hey guys, this is kinda my only resort. I don't have anyone to talk with in real life. I don't know what's left for me to do. I'm 21.. What I'm experiencing now is not something I can take anymore. It's summer & I'm young, I should be having fun.. And instead I'm sluggish and lack desire and motivation to do anything, even to apply for a part time job, create art, clean my room, I have about 20 guys asking me on dates and I keep agreeing but then cancel.. It has nothing to do with them. I just want to curl up and be unconscious until this wave of emptiness passes.
I keep getting hurt by this one guy who I've semi fallen for, and I almost feel numb now each time he breaks me a little more. When I'm with him I feel the most content, so I'm so conflicted bc I enjoy him but then he leaves me unbelievable lonely and w/ feelings of being used. My family is breaking apart, my one true rock now is all turning to dust. I only have one true friend bc I am a huge introvert and loner. I can't sleep anymore... 3/4 am rolls around and I'm up, driving around or staring into nothing. The only thing that gives me excitement anymore is when I take my car and go for long drives. I've become partially addicted to driving on the highway and zooming in between cars, going maybe 80/90 mph. Or I go and spend huge chunks of $. Each day I promise myself I'll do something productive, only to hop in my car and be gone for hours doing nothing and thinking about pointless things.
It's as if none of this is real; it's all pretend. Nothing holds much importance to me anymore besides driving and listening to music. The only thing I feel going for me is that people don't notice bc I keep my appearance up. I feel so alone and tired of it all. I don't want to die but I don't want to continue either. I feel guilty too bc I'm healthy and young. What kind of person feels this way when they have so much to be grateful for? It's disgusting. I feel like a blob of myself turned inside out.
Most Helpful Guy
sounds like depression. See a therapist and a psychiatrist to see if you need meds.0
Most Helpful Girl
I've been through what you've been through although I'm very young. I liked this one guy for a very long time. He was the one I was most content with, yet he was the one who hurt me the most. Every time he'd hurt me, I'd still return to him because I felt like he sparked a fire that no one else did.
The last time he hurt me, I had had enough though. He pushed me beyond the breaking point. I taught myself not to give a fuck about him anymore, and guess what? I found a new guy. That's how life is, don't ever let anyone bring you down. Give those guys a chance, even go out by yourself sometimes and treat yourself. Find a new passion. Shake yourself off, then get back on the saddle! You only live once, and you could do anything you set your mind to. So don't worry about that shit guy and don't worry about what other people think. Be you and do what you want to do.
I wish you nothing but the absolute best, you deserve to not give a shit anymore and you deserve a great life. All the best always and good luck!