What do you think of these poems I wrote (One sad, one nicer)?

(sad one)

You're angry, passive, a know-it-all, annoying,
Insecure, jealous, difficult,
& boring.
I am your self-hate,
you are a bad person,
you shouldn't try and stand up for yourself,
or it will just worsen.
You're nicer if you let people walk all over u,
you kinda deserve it,
for all the times u made mistakes,
now look, was it worth it?
Ironically, I am your anger,
& everything you hate about yourself,
an emotion that despises itself,
there are good things and bad things about you,
but logic has gone,
& so the hate stays,
it goes on and on.
Concentrating on only bad and never the good,
I just never see it,
I know you wish I would.

(nicer one)

I used to cry when a possession of mine broke,
I'd plead and ask for it not to be thrown out,
nothing else at the time would matter to me much,
just this broken bit of plastic (kid toys and as such).
One day when I was 17, something kind of changed.
It was Christmas day at the time and I had gifts of different range.
One of these presents was a cat shaped bottle of perfume,
I'd wanted it ever since I saw it a few years prior in a Top of the Pops magazine.
I was so happy I'd finally got it, kept taking it out of the box to look at -
A smart purple glass bottle which resembled the shape of a cat.
I was always careful whenever I placed it down,
for I didn't want it to fall and smash into tiny pieces on the ground.
I then wondered to myself, how I would feel if such a thing were to happen?
I thought I'd surely be sad and disappointed, but could always get a new one.
I thought of how I would feel if one of my real cats were to die,
I realised it would hurt much more & I'd just cry and cry.
I could always get a new cat,
but it just wouldn't be quite the same,
like with humans, all cats are different, and not just by name.
Suddenly I realised just how blind I'd been,
livings things are more important than some random luxury item.

(see update for the rest)


Even my favourite childhood toy, my mum would do the voice to,
I wasn't really bonding with a teddy, but rather my mum, Sue.
I conclude this poem now by giving some advice:
Don't be too upset if a luxury possession of yours should break,
for what's more important is living creatures,
you don't want to realise when it's too late.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's a bit heavy on the emotions but seems like a genuine expression of yourself. I was never so much of a fan of poetry.

    If I attempt one:

    Shall I compare you to an anal breeze?
    Your twat seems to be a biohazard.
    I tried to go down but the demonic stench kept us apart.
    The power of Christ compels you.

    I placed my hand over my bum and squeezed.
    A gentle and warm wind filled my hand,
    so delicate and soft like a summer breeze.
    The smell reminded me of you.


Most Helpful Girl

  • while i normally prefer dark/sad poems (they're my favourites to write), i have to say that i liked your "nice" one better.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 11

  • The second one is really nice. The first is of course depressing, but also doesn't have the flow and cohesiveness of the second, no thread running through it.

  • I'm not good in judging poetry but they sound nice! :D
    I would call it a good job :D , hope the specialists will not correct me :o

  • Pretty well written. The flow was occasionally interrupted, but for the most part you had it down! Just a heads up though, you don't put periods and commas at the ends of lines in poetry. Question marks are okay, but the others are assumed.

  • I like 2nd one
    Seems deep :P

  • nice. i like the nicer one more

  • Self loathing is common.
    But don't indulge.

    Th 2nd poem shows a lot of
    Self awareness and growth.
    You are unique and, beautiful.

    • I write the first one when I was going through some depressive episodes earlier this year, it's calmed down a lot since then but still kind of there if triggered.

      And thank you :)

  • The nicer one is nicer

  • Wow your quite the Hepworth!

  • I liked dark one because it is written better, other wise i would've liked nicer one.

  • They're nicee. I like em

  • Life is a stone
    And this stone is heavy
    It is such a heavy that i can not lift it
    Oh hold on a second there is no way
    I've decided to observe it so that i can find a way
    The universe is very complicated
    How do i understand it if you ask
    You will be answered by stone itself

    This is my stone ops sorry poem :)

    • What about mine? I can post more if you are interested in my poems :)

What Girls Said 6

  • You are a True Poet and don't Know it, @StewieRH. Thank you for Caring and Sharing.
    Good luck and beautifully Done, hun. xx

  • I love your poems. I can relate to both and I love cats!
    The sad one triggered me though

  • Free verses don't appeal to me but I like the message.

  • Theyre good but the first one at the beginning you've mixed up your tenses. There's too much listing going on that it feels like the first line isn't complete.

  • So emo and angsty.

  • Nice poems

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