Grandpa thinks we are trying to kill him Advice?

My grandpa is terminally ill right now and he is taking high oxycodone to get rid of his pain. The only bad thing is that the medicine makes him aggressive and delusional. My sister and have him at our apartment right now because we are taking care of him and we do not want him to go to a home at all. Right now it is 1 in the morning and he has kept us up all night long. He woke us up pouring boiling hot water on us because he said that he was sterielizing the beds (wtf?) we put him to bed but I get up 30 minutes later because he is yelling and arguing with someone I walk into the room and he demands that I give him his keys (I told him no because he does not need them) he steals my purse telling me "If you don't give me my keys then you are not getting your purse. I told him fine and to keep my purse and went back to bed. I wake up 20 minutes later to him dumping out my purse trying to find his keys walking around the house yelling saying that it was not his house and that he did not trust my sister and I. My sister gets up pissed yelling at him to go to bed and he is hiding in the corner because he does not trust my sister and saying that we are signing to each other trying to get rid of him. All I am trying to do is go to bed and he is not going to let me do that! I am not going to leave him up by himself because I do not know what he is going to do and I do not want him to hurt me or himself but I am not going to stay up watching over him like a baby. Calling the cops is not an option and putting him in a home is not an option. We love our grandpa too much to do anything like that to him. Advice?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm sorry you are going through this, but at this point he needs professional care. You are going to have to get outside help.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm part of the nursing staff at an assisted living center/nursing home and hospital district. We deal with a lot of patients like this- whether because of dementia/Alzheimer's or medication. The key to dealing with aggressive outbursts is patience and redirection. Whatever their delusion is, however crazy it seems, you have to keep in mind that it is very real to them. The fear, anger, etc. is all part of their world, and responding with fear or anger will only make things worse. I. e., yelling, "posturing up" in an aggressive or diminuative stance, or discrediting/arguing with their emotion will usually only escalate their delusion.
    Try to keep him occupied. He'll be less likely to wander at night if he's had a productive day. Try to surround him with things that give him grounding and a sense of security. If/when he does get up at night, try to give him something to do- usually interactive (don't try to make him sit in front of the tv, it won't work), like a puzzle, folding laundry, etc. Not too complicated, as it might frustrate him.
    If he does get agitated, try to redirect the conversation. Reassure him that he is safe. Ask him non related questions. Offer him food or water. Remind him of the time. But whatever you do- do not blatantly argue with him.
    Keep in mind, there is no foolproof care taking guide. Even with all of these steps taken perfectly, there will be days/nights when he will not be redirected. When dealing with family members it is especially hard to dissociate, but when patients become like that, there's little you can do but make sure that he is safe (harsh chemicals locked and put away, doors leading out are locked, floors and doorways are clear of fall hazards etc) and let the episode pass. Also take into regards your own safety. You can't take care of him if you are killed or seriously injured. If he becomes physically aggressive, it's time to call 911, as he becomes dangerous not only to you, but to himself.
    Talk to his doctors and tell him/her the symptoms you've been experiencing. It might be time for a dosage adjustment, or they might have to find a new medication.
    Anyway, I'm sorry you have to go through this, and I hope everything works out for you guys.


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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • There's home help. And you guys need to speak to his doctors to review his medication if he's getting that bad

  • Call his doctor (who should have an answering service) and stop giving him the medicine.

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