How do I become a better conversationalist?

Like, I can talk about controversial things, or things i really like or things I dislike, but I just can't have a conversation just to have a conversation, even if I don't dislike a person. and I give such simple responses like , "That's crazy, oh really? that's ridiculous, that must've been tough" or "that sounds annoying" and then laugh nervously after, I could care less about the nervous laughter, I just want to learn how I can become a better conversationalist so I can get further in my life.

Or when I try to continue conversation when they finish talking I just say "yeah, yeah" and give a nervous laughter, again, , i don't care about the nervous laughter, but I want to know how to become better at conversing.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Kind of having the same trouble as you but these few things helped me along the way: First people LOVE to talk about themselves! Ask questions about their life, what they do etc. Once they say something that your interested in, ask a question about it if you know nothing about it or add onto the conversation, show knowledge into the topic. Never talk about yourself unless they ask a question otherwise you will be perceive as self-centred.
    Secondly build rapport. What that is is when you add onto something that someone has said. Can be a joke or a topic of conversation. This builds a big bond between two people so finding some common ground and understanding each other is a good.
    Also most importantly; do not over think the conversation. Make sure your in the mood to talk as well as be interested in them and topics of conversation. Also note- give eye contact, make sure your relaxed and not nervous because this rubs off on them.


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  • ask questions-people's favorite topic is always themselves... so investigate, or "probe question" as it's called in sales. Instead of "that's crazy" you say something that leaves a door open like "that's crazy, is that the only time he did that?" or give your nervous laughter and then change to a new topic - learn about them, and keep asking questions, add your own stories here and there that relate-but make it 2/3 about them. if you find THEM interesting they'll LOVE talking to you. be ENGAGED in what they are saying, and be natural about it.